Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my Fate, if I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you......
My smile was taken long ago, if I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart..... when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear. I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough
I only wish you weren't my friend. Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to ba a Saint....
My own was banished long ago, it took the Death of Hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, You're all the same
Angels lie to keep control.....
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know.....

* Sorry, this song just seemed appropriate at the moment*

ill scream on the inside
at the words in my head
telling me to keep back
keep focus
don't let them to close

the dark sky's in my mind clear away
bringing tears not of hurt
loving life just that much more

sinking slowly
drowning in
the chaos i created
disjointed from everything
that made me who i was
what i wanted to be

i fought the wars in my mind
the battles i was losing
over and over
mixed strategies
and broken words
pigments of a fake reality
i couldn't control

left alone in the dark to wander
i melded my mind
with the empty sorrow in my heart
cursing over
and over about the things
that i had done wrong
the path i was blindly walking

Every day it's the same thing. I sit, I eat, I smoke and feel like ending it all.
I know it's not the proper thing to think about but the day you can control how you feel and how you think is the day you should be gone.
These are supposed to be the best years of my life. Who the hell are people kidding.
The last time I was truly happy was years ago when I had a family and now the only thing I have is heartache and stress.
I try to be happy but who am I kidding, happiness is for those other people that have friends and true loved ones.
Many years ago my parents told me that it seemed to them that my purpose in life was to protect.
So that's what I do, I protect my friends, family and loved ones but it seems like the more people I protect the lonelier I become.
I try and protect my best friend and I become the guy that will be there for her but only when she feels really lonely.
I don't know if that's how it truly is but that is how it feels to me and who knows I might just be a total dumbass.
Who know maybe I should just leave and just keep on moving. The more you move the less time you have to make friends and find people to care about. Which means less people you have to worry about letting you down.



Who knows maybe it's better for everyone. Then again I have been down that road and I think that would make too many people happy. Why should others be happy when I can't?

Ever feel like your life is just going right down the tubes? Like everything you knew and felt was real might not have been? Well that's how I've been feeling the last couple of days. Friends, family, work and life. I've found that out of all those things maybe I don't deserve any of them. I can't take care of my friends, I can't make my family proud of me and it's getting to the point that my work stresses me out more than ever.

The world I thought I knew has been fading away like mist on a summer morning and my despair has been growing like a weed after a spring rain. Maybe that's the reason why I can't sleep and feel like my heart stops everytime I see people smiling and laughing with their family and friends. I see all of those people and feel like maybe my world should end sooner rather than later. Who knows maybe it will.

Ok I don't know if my life just sucks or if it's just the way I look at life.
I have lost pretty much every friend I have, all except my best friend but that doesn't mean it doesnt' suck.
I guess it's like the old addage "if you lose everyone around you maybe it's you".
Then on top of everything else I lay my freaking bike over and mess up my leg. Let me tell ya there aint nothing like road rash and a big ol hunk missing out of your ankle, damn it's wonderful.
Now I gotta go and get my bike fixed. I love looking out my window and see a messed up bike. WOO HOO. DAMN.

Well it's official. I have had it with pretty much all the people here in my town.
I'm tired of getting threatened all the time and jackasses I work with. It seems all I get anymore are stupid ass people wanting to fight or start shit with my best friend of family. You know, I go out of my way to help people give people my time so they are able to live their lives. I have people coming by my house wanting to fight. I have people going to my best friends house trying to beat the hell out of her, so of course what happens? I get involved and get my freaking arm slashed by a drunk sumbitch with a knife. I have come to the conclusion the only people around here I can trust is my best friend and my family, and people wonder why all I ever do anymore is have homicidal dreams. Maybe with everything that's going on I should just say fuck it and start smacking the hell out of everyone.
Well now that I got all that off my chest, If anyone is able to draw up tats. I'd love to give you some business. I'm looking for someone to give me my first tat. Maybe that'll calm me down. Well that and lots and lots of tequila.


Love Peace and Chicken Grease

"It's the most wonderful time of the year". When that was sang, that person obviously had someone to spend the time with. That person obviously didn't have to sit around and think or wonder if he would find someone. I have been single for a while now and that is fine but it just gets hard around this time of year. I'm just ready for christmas to be over. But at least I can make some people happy this year even if it is just a little. SSEEE YYAAAA.