A lot of people come and go in my life. I guess maybe I'm just a bad person. I know I'm not all that great. I'm pretty hard to get along with. But still, it's odd how many people I have come in contact to that only ended up as enemies, or at the least, just people I never talk to. And this isn't to say that I miss them or wish things were different. I mean, if I fucking hate you, I fucking hate you. I'm just thinking about some of those "supporting cast" type folks that play a small roll in your life for a short amount of time. I seem to have a lot of those. Some are ex-girlfriends, some are ex-friends. Some were just acquaintances.

I guess, all in all, I'm just thinking about how two people can have a very short moment together in life, for what ever reason, and then they can never talk again, for what ever reason, but not matter what, they'll always be connected by that one event, for better or for worse. It's just kinda funny how things work out like that. Kinda like how no matter where you go, you can't get away from yourself; no matter where you go or what you do, you can't un-meet the people you've met, and you can't remove the thing that brought you two together.

I feel like I should update, but I don't know what to say, so here's a bunch of random thoughts:

Picked up 'White 1' by Sunn O))) yesterday. The first song is great, but the other two I'm still not sure about. I think it might be because I wasn't expecting songs like that. *shrug*

Managed to save a decent chunch of change this month, and since this month runs long, I get paid one extra time, which equals even more extra money. Hell yeah!

I need, like, friends or some thing. I'm sick of never leaving the house. Week ends spent alone at home blow.

My last serious girlfriend just popped up out of the blue the other day. I don't get it. We broke up 3 years ago, and she's fucking married now. Doesn't she have better things to do than bug me?

Sorta related to the last two random thoughts, there's a check out girl at the grocey store I go to I'm trying to get to know. Being there at the right time has proven difficult, but I'm not really concerned. Finding a mate isn't very high on my list these days. She's a Christian punk ( ) so she might share my morals and still be open minded enough to be into an evil son of a bitch like myself. Typically I'm too weird for the normal girls, but too normal for the weird girls.

Oh yeah, and my migraine. It lasted about a day, but lingered a little into the next day. I'm fine now, though.

I'm dying from a migraine. The aura hit me around 12:30ish, then the pain hit around 2ish. I slept for 3 hours, got up at 6pm. It's now 10:30pm and I'm still not feeling so great.



Earlier I felt like I was going to vomit and pass out, and that there was a knife in my left eye socket and a vice grip on the bridge of my nose. It's not as bad as all that now, but I still feel like shit. A little light sensative and woosy.

I know that nobody cares when I just get on here and bitch, but I gotta get a few things out of my head:

Things suck. I'm bored and lonely. Fuckin' miserable. My 3 year dry spell is really starting to kill me. One of my friends/band mates is dating one of my ex-girlfriends. The wallet is real tight right now. Ugh...

There are some good shows coming up, though, so that's cool. At least it's stuff to do and I'll be out of the house. I also have some more Only Flesh stuff to do soon, and that's always fun.

As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to start recording some new Seraph of the Dawn material. It's been a while, and I'm starting to get some new ideas.

Just noticed I was tagged, so here goes nothing folks:

7 things I wanna do before I die:

1) Put out an honest to god CD. Not just some self produced CD-R.
2) Tour as a musician or with a band.
3) Write a book and get it published.
4) Be an actor in a film.
5) Have sex with an Japanese girl (sorry if that isn't very PC).
6) Just have sex again in general (it's been 3 fucking years!).
7) Understand every thing about 'House of Leaves'.

7 things I can not do:

1) Swim.
2) Maintain a healthy relationship.
3) Play drums.
4) Talk to women that I'm interested in.
5) Make new friends.
6) Socialize in general.
7) Trust people.

7 things that attracted me to South Vienna, Ohio:

1) It's close to work.
2) It's pretty much out in the country. I love the country.
3) It had a nice apartment for a decent price.
4) It was closer to my family than Tiffin.
5) At the time I first moved here, I was talking to a girl here in South Vienna.
6) Also, when I first moved here, it was closer to my "friends" and I thought that would make a difference. It didn't.
7) It's sorta close to Columbus.

7 things I often say:

1) Fuck
2) Jesus-fucking-Christ
3) Though
4) Just
5) Dude
6) Man
7) That reminds me of...

7 books I love:

1) House of Leaves
2) Any thing by H.P. Lovecraft
3) Scud comic books
4) Tank Girl comic books
5) The Satanic Bible
6) Crazy Wisdom
7) Ashes and Angel Wings

7 movies I watch over and over:

1) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2) SAW
3) The Ring
4) Haggard
5) Requiem for a Dream
6) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
7) The Mothman Prophecies

7 people at random to take this:

1) DenimJesus
2) Rannie
3) ZombieVengence
4) ThatGuitarGuy (if he ever comes back)
5) Jaime
6) LittleChaos
7) Bella420 (if she stays non-anon long enough)

May your sky be rolled up like a scroll.
May your blue moon drip with blood.

I'm really digging 'California' by Mr. Bungle right now.

Had a very interesting dream last night that wolves were invading my apartment building. Then they came after me. This dream isn't far on the heels of another dream where I was being attacked by large, deformed foxes. Wonder what the fuck is up with this theme?

Other than that, same old. Still waiting on my Mistress CD, but SAW II comes out on DVD Tuesday, as does Mirrormask. Looking forward to that.

I just found an interesting pic of myself from before I shaved my head and my facial hair. I had totally forgot that I even looked like this for a while! Hahaha. Check it out. Sorta funny.




P.S. While trying to update my profile pic, that happened. Interesting.

Here's a little cut and paste from my MySpace.com blog:

My Top 10 Albums of All Time.

#10) They Might Be Giants - Flood, Apollo 18, John Henry, Lincoln
To choose between any They Might Be Giants album is very hard, but to choose between these four albums is impossible. TMBG is a band with an endless supply of great tunes and every song is just as good as the last, if not better. Their catchy, upbeat but often dark and grim (but always fun) music is totally original. It's no wonder they've been around for 20 years.

#9) Tie - The Deftones "Adrenaline", Countring Crows "August and Everything After", Weezer "Blue Album"
Much like trying to choose between They Might Be Giants albums, settling on just one of these three albums proved impossible. All of them have had a major impact on my life that made them all important to include on this list, but there was no way of concluding which was better. The Deftones taught me how to scream on 'Adrenaline', Counting Crows showed me the beauty of clean music and harmony with 'August and Everything After, and Weezer practically saved my life in middle school with their songs about being a loser and being heartbroken with their catchy geek-rock on the "Blue Album."

#8) Anaal Nathrakh - The Codex Necro
Another album that had a major impact on my life, Anaal Nathrakh showed me the awesome power of Black Metal with 'The Codex Necro'. No other album is as intense or brutal as this. The vocals sound like female Jews being burned alive in Nazi stoves and the music sounds like storms belching from the depths of Hell. It's like the audio equivalent of rape and murder. I truly believe that I could strangle some one to death with my bare hands listening to this album.

#7) Pig Destroyer - Terrifyer
The only reason Anaal Nathrakh isn't higher on the list: Pig Destroyer and their incredible album 'Terrifyer'. In essence, the album is much like Anaal Nathrakh's 'The Codex Necro', though the music is different. What really makes 'Terrifyer' better is how universal it is. Where Anaal Nathrakh write inhuman Black Metal that isn't for every one, Pig Destroyer graduated from a simple Grindcore band into true metal masters on 'Terrifyer', gifting the world with an album that a fan of any genera of metal can enjoy.

#6) GWAR - Scumdogs of the Universe
GWAR. I all most don't need to say another word. GWAR is GWAR. Here on their second album, GWAR reach the pinnacle of their career, but that isn't to say they have been heading down hill ever since. It is just that 'Scumdogs...' is the quintessence of GWAR, like a highly concentrated pill of Jizmoglobin. It also has some of the greatest all time GWAR songs, including the eponymous 'The Salaminizer'.

#5) Marilyn Manson - Portrait of an American Family
Another album that changed my life, Manson's 'Portrait...' is a fun, dark, all most punk-like hate album with a much more organic sound than their follow ups. Where 'Antichrist Superstar' is a more confined brand of hate, 'Portrait...' has the mentality of a snot nosed middle school brat, handing out trouble to any body he can find. And this is a good thing.

#4) Abandoned Pools - Humanistic
The first in my trilogy of 'albums that blew my mind', Abandoned Pools is the solo project of Tommy Walter, ex-guitarist of The Eels. On this album, Tommy laments about his 'rock star' life in The Eels and the horror of the record industry to highly polished, but still vivacious, music. This album is very inorganic, relying heavily on samples and loops, but it creates a wonderfully sad dream world where every thing is blue and every body is sad about some thing.

#3) Grandaddy - Sumday
The second in my list of 'albums that blew my mind', Grandaddy crafted an amazing little pop album with 'Sumday'. Though not as keyboard soaked as their other releases, 'Sumday' makes up for that with catchy song writing. The song subjects are one of a kind, coming from the fresh but sorrowful mind of Jason Lytle. Over all, the theme of the band is nature vs. man and machine, as evident in songs like 'The Group Who Couldn't Say', 'I'm on Standby', and 'El Caminos in the West.' But the true gem of the album is the sad tune, 'O.K. with My Decay.' Those 'ooh, ooh, ooh''s are like listening to the sound of a broken heart.

#2) Coheed and Cambria - In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3
The final album in my trilogy, Coheed and Cambria was a band that I despised at first. After a friend picked up this album and after a few listens, I was hooked, though. True masters of song writting, Coheed include dangerous hooks into each and every song that get into you and refuse to let go. How else could any one write songs that are near 10 minutes long, but that you're sad when they end?

#1) White Zombie - Astro Creep: 2000 Songs of Love, Destruction, and Other Synthetic Delusions of the Electric Head
Yup. That's right. The best album of all time is White Zombie's 'Astro Creep: 2000'. There isn't one bad song on the album, and each song sounds absolutely different from the last with out sounding jumbled or with out direction. This is an album that, should you be sent to a desert island with only one CD to listen to for the rest of your life, should be the obvious choice. It's such a shame the band broke up after this and that Rob Zombie has used his solo project to go from being a rock god to just being a joke.