pocket sized pussy. with a free shot of tequila.
the ultimate dream of all the men in my god forsaken town. titties flavoured with lemon and salt on the side. i found out something interesting today.
3 out of every 10 men, on average, living in this town, are registered sex offenders. and not that many people are aware of it.
how messed up can you get?
the ultimate dream of all the men in my god forsaken town. titties flavoured with lemon and salt on the side. i found out something interesting today.
3 out of every 10 men, on average, living in this town, are registered sex offenders. and not that many people are aware of it.
how messed up can you get?
i have decided to clone myself. just my body, so that my singular brain gets all the experiences of each clone.
this is so that i can live out all the lives i want to, make the choices i really want to, without having that bastard "what if" question floating around in the murky depths.
so, cloning techniques anyone?
this is so that i can live out all the lives i want to, make the choices i really want to, without having that bastard "what if" question floating around in the murky depths.
so, cloning techniques anyone?
had a really bad day today, need some cheering up. 
i hate it when nothing feels like its going right. if only i had a pet Velociraptor to come home to. the cool made up ones from jurassic park. he would bounce joyfully towards me and cuddle me with his wee tiny arms.
and make that cute little noise.
then he'd rip out the intestines of my jerk head baker and devour them with maple syrup.
TAKE THAT FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE CRAP BUTTHEAD!! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY VELOCIRAPTOR!
seriously, just because someone has inferiority issues, doesnt mean i have to suffer for them. he made me feel like the biggest freak around when i was talking to my other boss about her impending child. apparently i know nothing of children, no of course not, i havent got 5 brothers or anything. im not a woman or anything. i dont have 3 nephews and a niece.
no, a 35 year old man who hasnt had sex in 3 years with no kids and lives by himself with his cat, playing xbox and going through a carton of beer every 2 days or so must know so much more than the girl from a massive family.
and what was i discussing with my female boss? cloth nappies vs disposables, pro's and cons. because he knows so much about children and all. AGH!
eat, my little velociraptor, eat!
i hate it when nothing feels like its going right. if only i had a pet Velociraptor to come home to. the cool made up ones from jurassic park. he would bounce joyfully towards me and cuddle me with his wee tiny arms. and make that cute little noise.
then he'd rip out the intestines of my jerk head baker and devour them with maple syrup.
TAKE THAT FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE CRAP BUTTHEAD!! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY VELOCIRAPTOR!
seriously, just because someone has inferiority issues, doesnt mean i have to suffer for them. he made me feel like the biggest freak around when i was talking to my other boss about her impending child. apparently i know nothing of children, no of course not, i havent got 5 brothers or anything. im not a woman or anything. i dont have 3 nephews and a niece.
no, a 35 year old man who hasnt had sex in 3 years with no kids and lives by himself with his cat, playing xbox and going through a carton of beer every 2 days or so must know so much more than the girl from a massive family.
and what was i discussing with my female boss? cloth nappies vs disposables, pro's and cons. because he knows so much about children and all. AGH!
eat, my little velociraptor, eat!
i had an erotic dream about a friend of mine last night, kind of made my day today.
there is nothing on this green earth more attractive than breasts. at all. ever. boobs=awesome.
btw, guy at work with green teeth, way to go on killing a horny thought. there i was, minding my own business, thinking of the night before, and he comes over and starts talking to me. BAM. all my lust, gone.
so kudos to him for being an instant sex drive killer.
speaking of sex drives, i read that having sex more often actually increases the pheremones that make you sexy to other people. so by having some sex, you attract MORE sex. i dont think dream sex counts sadly. thats the 'lonely and creepy' pheremone you're putting out there.
there is nothing on this green earth more attractive than breasts. at all. ever. boobs=awesome.
btw, guy at work with green teeth, way to go on killing a horny thought. there i was, minding my own business, thinking of the night before, and he comes over and starts talking to me. BAM. all my lust, gone.
so kudos to him for being an instant sex drive killer.
speaking of sex drives, i read that having sex more often actually increases the pheremones that make you sexy to other people. so by having some sex, you attract MORE sex. i dont think dream sex counts sadly. thats the 'lonely and creepy' pheremone you're putting out there.
a note on the fine art of grating cheese using an electronic grater.
sometimes at my job i am required to cut and grate 20kgs of cheddar cheese. and today i will share my observations on this noble art.
one must not push too hard upon the handle of the grater, lest the cheese come out thicker than desired. this results in a lesser quantity of cheese being used in a product weigh up, which in turn can generate customer complaints and 'bad press' as a cheapskate. however, grating too thinly, by not pushing hard enough, creates stringy cheese with a low melting temperature, creating a food safety risk and also by needing to use more in a product weigh up, can sometimes mute the flavour of the other ingredients.
both of these is undesirable.
well grated cheese should have the following components:
medium melting temperature (35 celius and above)
medium thickness (1mm)
average length of 3.5-4cm
if your cheese does not have any of the above, you are either costing your store more money in ingredients, or costing your store in reputation.
SHAME ON YOU.
sometimes at my job i am required to cut and grate 20kgs of cheddar cheese. and today i will share my observations on this noble art.
one must not push too hard upon the handle of the grater, lest the cheese come out thicker than desired. this results in a lesser quantity of cheese being used in a product weigh up, which in turn can generate customer complaints and 'bad press' as a cheapskate. however, grating too thinly, by not pushing hard enough, creates stringy cheese with a low melting temperature, creating a food safety risk and also by needing to use more in a product weigh up, can sometimes mute the flavour of the other ingredients.
both of these is undesirable.
well grated cheese should have the following components:
medium melting temperature (35 celius and above)
medium thickness (1mm)
average length of 3.5-4cm
if your cheese does not have any of the above, you are either costing your store more money in ingredients, or costing your store in reputation.
SHAME ON YOU.
everyone knows the story of Theseus and the Minotaur, and of how Ariadne showed Theseus how to find his way not only to the centre of the labyrinth, but how to get back out with the sacred red thread. everyone cheers on the hero of the story, Theseus, killing the evil Minotaur who devoured (and most likely raped and sodomised) the virgins and buff young warriors sent to King Minos as tribute.
but it is really as it seems? take a wander into imagining the story as reality.
King Minos' wife fell in love with a bull, and contrived a contraption to mate with this magnificent bull, a cow costume with a conveinient opening i suppose. and after the mating had taken place, fell pregnant to the bull. King Minos blamed his wife for her wanton behaviour with the bull, but what if it wasnt a bull, but a god in bull form? after all, Zeus was known to take the forms of a swan and whatnot and have his sexy way with nubile young women...
so in his rage, King Minos decreed the 'deformed' baby of the unholy union would be kept in the centre of the labyrinth, and fed only human flesh, after the flesh had attempted to kill him first.
the Minotaur was named Asterion, and from birth, Asterion was fed screaming sentient beings, and was blamed for all the worlds ills.
then his beautiful sister, Ariadne, Mistress of the Labyrinth, led her lover to him to kill him. what if Asterion loved his Mistress as his sister, and his own lover? imagine his feelings upon looking upon the thread Ariadne lent Theseus to find his way through the labyrinth, and knowing his sister's betrayal.
since his death, Asterion has become the personification of evil in mythological stories. but when given the start to life he had, shamed for what he was and his very conception, fed real people as his only food, and betrayed by his sister, can you blame him for hating the human race? they made him into the monster he became.
the egyptian mythology revered those with animal heads as gods, but the greek mythology reviled them as monsters.
food for thought about differences.
but it is really as it seems? take a wander into imagining the story as reality.
King Minos' wife fell in love with a bull, and contrived a contraption to mate with this magnificent bull, a cow costume with a conveinient opening i suppose. and after the mating had taken place, fell pregnant to the bull. King Minos blamed his wife for her wanton behaviour with the bull, but what if it wasnt a bull, but a god in bull form? after all, Zeus was known to take the forms of a swan and whatnot and have his sexy way with nubile young women...
so in his rage, King Minos decreed the 'deformed' baby of the unholy union would be kept in the centre of the labyrinth, and fed only human flesh, after the flesh had attempted to kill him first.
the Minotaur was named Asterion, and from birth, Asterion was fed screaming sentient beings, and was blamed for all the worlds ills.
then his beautiful sister, Ariadne, Mistress of the Labyrinth, led her lover to him to kill him. what if Asterion loved his Mistress as his sister, and his own lover? imagine his feelings upon looking upon the thread Ariadne lent Theseus to find his way through the labyrinth, and knowing his sister's betrayal.
since his death, Asterion has become the personification of evil in mythological stories. but when given the start to life he had, shamed for what he was and his very conception, fed real people as his only food, and betrayed by his sister, can you blame him for hating the human race? they made him into the monster he became.
the egyptian mythology revered those with animal heads as gods, but the greek mythology reviled them as monsters.
food for thought about differences.
today im writing about people with bad breath.
its gross. really really gross.
how can you not taste your own breath when it is that disgusting?! if you know your breath tastes foul, chances are, it smells foul too.
i work with a guy who's breath is so bad i can smell it when he walks into the bakery. its so disgusting. and his gums bleed, his teeth are so yellow they borderline green. whats up with that?
pretty sure dentists can help you there dude. i told him once how bad he smelt, he didnt believe me. i wanted to hit him.
so moral is, keep yourself fresh to increase sex appeal.
its gross. really really gross.
how can you not taste your own breath when it is that disgusting?! if you know your breath tastes foul, chances are, it smells foul too.
i work with a guy who's breath is so bad i can smell it when he walks into the bakery. its so disgusting. and his gums bleed, his teeth are so yellow they borderline green. whats up with that?
pretty sure dentists can help you there dude. i told him once how bad he smelt, he didnt believe me. i wanted to hit him.
so moral is, keep yourself fresh to increase sex appeal.
