I'm now a fully trained "Escalated Customer Service Agent." I take the calls other agents cannot. Which means I now spend multiple hours of my day getting screamed at. The stress is getting to me.

I'm worried I'm going to get fired because I keep scoring as "does not meet requirements." Why? Well, one, because I've been in 1 week of training every month this year, and every time my job changes quite a bit, so every month I have to re-calibrate myself. Also, there's bullshit in the scoring which basically works against me since I am escalated service... I am taking calls where the customer's are already pissed off. Is it really any surprise everyone in my department has lower scores than the others? Hell, one time I was far above the average in my department / team, and I was still not meeting "minimum requirements." I keep getting told I need to improve. Yes, I've talked to them about this BS, multiple times. I'm also "far exceeding" multiple other requirements...but that doesn't matter, as long as I'm under in one, I'm counted as under in all. It's stressing me out.

So much so, that when a series of problems occurred from my work that negatively effected me, I basically snapped at my boss. I was worried that would get me fired because I did not do it ... gracefully.

And then...I started having internet problems. Basically, my internet keeps going out in the middle of my shift. If it happens too often, that's a fire-able offense. Is it my fault? No. But a lot of people have abused it. Also, even if its not my fault, its still my responsibility to have internet. It appears to be the cables inside the building, so just switching companies won't fix it. We have done quite a few things to alleviate the issue, but it isn't 100% fixed yet. That is stressing me out.

But I started losing internet the day after I snapped at my boss. That can't look good, and one of my manager friends mentioned it looked really bad. Especially since I've already shown signs of fatigue with the job, and the fact that I've been taking more and more days off (every year before now, I basically never took days off) further pushes the idea that I'm done with the job.

The thing that worries me the most though... I don't even care. I AM done with this fucking job. I am almost to the point I want to get terminated. I don't want to deal with this bullshit. I hate customer service. Hell, I barely like talking to people at all, let alone for 8 hours. With 3 of those hours being me getting screamed at, breaking me down as a person. I don't like apathy. I fear it. And its setting in, and its affecting other parts of my life.

I can't remember if I wrote it here, or my personal journal, but before NOLA I told myself the reason for my discontent was because I needed a vacation, and I was just excited / anxious over it. Not to make any drastic decisions until after NOLA. Well...its after NOLA, and things are basically worse.

I have an interview next week. It's for a video / commercial marketing group, so actually in my field. Something I'm slightly overqualified for, but I don't think so much so that it's going to hinder me. I have extremely high hopes... well for anything not my current job. I just have to bide my time with my current job and not get fired between now and whenever I find anything new.

Actually, this will start as a complaint. The best thing that happened to me last week was probably the rejection from the Bartendress. I got rejected. That is what happened, and even if I'll be okay with it... it still hurt. And that was the best part of my Monday-Friday work week. I was busy and stressed every day last week, so I never had time to process that, or the stress of my job, or any of the other things going on I won't write down in this blog. So my processing of my shitty week was my 3 hour drive over to Bend. I got to Bend, met up with my friend and her boyfriend, and was in such a shit mood. I kind of just kept staring off into space. I eventually just excused myself before finishing my drink, went to my hotel, locked myself in my room and actually just started crying from all the stress until I passed out.

The next day they did get me cheered up some. We were all signed up for a 10k race. We all dressed like the flash:

...Unfortunately, I failed at the race. Bend, Oregon resides at 1.1km (3.6 k ft) above sea level, while I live at sea level. So a lot less oxygen. Next, the run we did was a dirt trail, so dust everywhere. Furthermore, it is their tree pollen season. I could not run. I ran 2 miles, and fainted. Got taken to a doctor, and had to walk back. I could barely breathe for the rest of the day.

Still, I had the best time I could. My best friend was there, how bad could it be? We ate some of the best Fish Tacos I've ever had, some amazing cupcakes, drank some beer (well, I drank Cider), and had some great conversations and laughed a lot. Saturday was a good day. Kept me cheered up until Monday occurred, and I logged back into my job...

Me and my best friend celebrated our 10 yr anniversary of being awesome. We went to the place we first met, which was the Aquarium. She was a girl I met online through OKCupid, and yeah. It was cool.

We've been to this Aquarium a lot, and never once has the Octopus been out. We'll see his head, or maybe a tentacle or something, but never out. He was ACTIVE this time around, and it was awesome.





My friend, with Octopus creeper:


I want to give these to a T-Rex. T-Rex with great white shark arms! UNSTOPPABLE!


I gave my friend the Badges I talked about in my last blog. She was super stoked about those.

We then went and got facials and a full body massage. Completely new experience for me. Super relaxing and nice.

Came back home, watched Dr. Who and talked about life all night long. Great time with my best friend.

I rarely take the bus anywhere. I like having the comfort knowing that, at any time, I can jump into my car and be home. Hell, I've lived out of my car, so it is like a home for me. But, when you take your car anywhere, you have to be responsible. Drinking and driving is not only dangerous, but stupid. I wanted to be anything but responsible, so I drank half a bottle of Sake, and took the bus to the concert.

I ran into Selene and her man there (those two would eventually give me a ride home. Thank you!). We watched the first band from the rafters. First band, The Red Paintings, did this cool thing where, while they were playing, some local artists painted on models on the stage. They sounded a lot Tool or A Perfect Circle. Or at least they did in the concert, listening to their music on Youtube and its still there, but less so.


MSI came on, and I dashed into the Mosh Pit. The band played awesome, the sound was great, and his between songs was hilarious (why the hell was I chanting Fairuzah Balk?) Also, Euringer (lead singer) swings his fucking mic stand all around through out. I wonder how many people he's injured that way... While their music isn't the most conducive for non-stop moshing, it is great for blasts of energy that lasts just enough you start feeling it. There weren't too many moshers, but still it was a lot of fun, and I'm all bruised.

Now I have to heal up in two days because I have a race this Saturday.

I have some pictures of the show, and if people don't believe I was there, I can load them up... but its pictures of guys on a stage, and not done in an artistic way. Just "hey, there's 4 people on stage with instruments."

So a month and a half ago or so, one of my roommate's annoying cats was trying to eat the tuna off of my plate. I pushed the cat off, and proclaimed "When have I ever let you eat off my plate. God, your persistent. It's like me going after the bartendress. Alright cat, here's the deal. If things get good between me and the woman, you can eat off of my plate."
Well, the next time I was at the bar, the bartendress and I hung out, and it was a great night. So I went home, gave the cat a little bit of tuna. Next week was even better, her closing the bar early and then us hanging out for hours after the bar closed. I gave the cat a bit more tuna.

Then things kind of settled, and got confusing, and I tried to appease this magical feline. More tuna, let it cuddle with me, all sorts of stuff. You might say "That doesn't sound bad," but remember I'm allergic to cats. Having it around me all the time makes me short of breath, gives me itchy eyes, and I sleep less soundly at night. Luckily no hives or anything. I'm also not a cat person, and I find a lot of "aw cute" cat traits to be "well thats fucking annoying." They aren't even really fun to cuddle with because its like "Aw, look its so cute just ly-OHFUCK ITS DIGGING ITS CLAWS INTO MY LEG!" So yeah...not a cat person, so me trying to appease this little God is something I'm actively forcing myself to do.

After a few nights of confusing responses from the woman (the night before, I was ignored all night, but I'm out the door she brings up going to the concert, and that we should hang out at the concert), I gave the cat one last chance to make things good last night, at the concert. I wanted something concrete, like... making out? I don't know. Something that showed she was interested in me. I struck my final deal with the cat. The concert would either give the cat my soul, or end my slavery.

Suspense.

Cat fucking failed me. My soul is released, all the tunas are mine again! I washed my sheets to get the cats fur off my bed so I can sleep soundly again, and no longer me having to put up with annoying cat traits. I'm not going to be mean to this cat, but I'm not going to let it walk all over me, either.

So what did happen?

Got to the concert. Hung out with Selene and her man. Eventually found the Bartendress and her friends who I know well enough that I'm comfortable talking with everyone. Hung out with them for a bit. MSI starts playing, I dance with them for a bit. Everything is going well, but I keep getting this weird feeling that my presence is just not wanted... but then her attention will snap back to her paying attention to me. Confusion. I go to the pit.

Before I go, we talk about meeting up exactly where they are now. So, when the concert is almost over, and I'm tired, I go there. And they aren't there...I'm drunk, whatever. I go back to the pit, and in the pit, I catch eye of them... on the complete opposite side where they told me to meet them.

One reason I wanted to get drunk is so I could have the bravery to do what I did. Which was, after the concert ended, I asked if I could steal her for a second. She agrees (although her drunk friend tried to pull her away), and I started with (obviously this is not verbatim. I was sobering up, so memory at this time is a little foggy... but I'm also a verbose motherfucker when I'm drunk. No seriously, check out some of my drunk blogs. Verbose, and grammatically accurate) "Hey, when I hang out with you on Mondays, everything seems awesome and like we're totally friends. But tonight, you moved sides, and ... well I don't know where I stand with you. Am I just a customer in your eyes?"

Her response was, and this is put kindly, not sarcastic bitchy tone, so it actually came off as positive: "You are a customer, but you are also chill, and I do enjoy hanging out. I'm just wasted [as in tired]. I don't want you to take it personal."

I look at her, bite my lip, and decide to go for more. "I'm good with that, if its true. But don't be doing the girly (I hate myself for saying that word) thing of trying to not hurt me. I don't want to be coming off as an asshole who can't take a hint. I'd hate to be annoying someone I enjoy hanging out with"

"No, you're all good. I'm just busy a lot, and the other stuff we've talked about before" (we're both introverts, and have had long conversations about it. Also other things in her life that I'm not sharing).

"Then I'm good. Nothing will be taken personally. I'll see you Monday?"

"Good." Smile.

And I'll still be asking to hang out with other times as well."

"I'd like that."

Then we talked about the concert and finding her friends who walked off when I stole her. I helped her find her friends again, hugged, and walked off to wait for other peoples to get out of the concert.

Does it suck that the outcome wasn't "I want to jump your bones?" Sure. But I'm actually happy with the outcome. I hate not knowing where I stand with someone, and that is whats been bugging me. I know where I stand with her, and I can now make a choice if I'm good with that situation. Which I am. She's awesome to talk to, and having a friend one night a week is better than not having that friend at all. I also get that I'm a customer, but she is open to hang out with me not at the bar.

I landed. Got picked up by the Texans + Greaser. There was a flask in the car, and I immediately started drinking. Heavily.
We got to the house we were staying at, which was beautiful. And stuff happened.

I don't know what that stuff was...but stuff happened.

Those from the sillies forum will understand this one:


Oh yeah, that's just the kitchen. The kitchen was huge and amazing.

We found a key though!


There was like, a wedding:




I bought the most expensive single drink I've ever had. It was the Nouevella Orleans Absinthe:

It was worth every penny. So delicious. A minty taste with a slight after taste of licorice, which I love. It also got me wasted.

There was a lot of art all over.

I really wish I took more pictures of it, because the art was everywhere. Everywhere we went there was lots of music. Definitely a lot of culture in that city.

Talking about art...ran into some awesome Deadites at some shithole bar. I didn't take any pictures of the extremely well done zombies, but I did get a picture of their shopping cart:


We went out and ate lots of food. I enjoyed what I got, unfortunately...my stomach is irritable, and while I loved eating it, my night was less happy.

Other people got more entertainment by playing with their food and talking in a high pitched voice:

"Why don't you love us, Cupcakes!"

I felt so bad for that restaurant. So obvious that at least 3 people quit or just didn't show up that day. Still, the extremely stressed waitresses tried their best.

So, here's a thing about New Orleans. Apparently, wasted people can do everything sober people can. It doesn't matter if you can stand, you can order drinks. Or get tattooed. I got tattooed, and then bought more drinks!

What did I get? My geekiest tattoo as of date:


And then I had to go home. That was sad.

My friend / ex / friend again and I had this joke how we aren't just Best Friends, but Epic friends, and that we should have badges. She doesn't know this yet...but I made some badges:




We are going on a day-vacation to get a full spa treatment at the end of this month, at which point I'll give her my two best ones.

Over the weekend, I tried to hang out with some of my friends in Portland. I texted quite a few to see if they wanted to hang out Sunday. Of the people I texted, only two responded. One was sick, and the other is the woman I've been pursuing. She had plans, but she is glad I had fun in NOLA. It made me sad that of my "Good friends" I texted, I was almost entirely ignored. It's kind of sad that one of the few people who responded to me is my bartendress / woman I'm crushing on. I really should try to hang out with some of my SG friends more, like Selene and Mayvis. Too bad I'm super busy this week =/. Maybe next week.

I MADE THIS!


*Not the video. I didn't make the video.