Enjoyed...... but MOAR. Should be interesting to see where it goes.

Well, you asked for honest feedback, so...

I like the story so far. Not much to see just yet, but it's a damned good start I think.

The art is atrociously bad. I mean, good for if it was like your cousin Joe or best friend Frank that you got to pitch in, but I'll be honest, if I didn't know you were involved with it, I'd have stopped looking after the first couple pages, due primarily to the poor art quality. (God, I hope the artist doesn't turn out to be an SG friend of mine... though I'd still think it's worth being honest).

Keep in mind that I have no experience with art, comics, production, etc; I just "know what I like." That said, specific complaints would be that the poses are either easy, "straight-on" poses, or poorly drawn harder poses (like the grand-daughter's "running" pose on page 10). Sign lettering is generally sloppy, and not carefully lined-up. The cigarette out of the window, I had to look at it for a while to figure out that it wasn't a finger (might have helped if smoke was trailing). Apart from old-school superhero comics, I don't think the jagged-line bubbles around onomatopoeias look great (used profusely on page 6). I did like the outside-the-panels thing on page 5, though the gasoline looks too dark, more like blood, so it's a little confusing, since there's real blood involved in the story. Also, lettering for the words at the top of page 6 ought to be much smaller, otherwise it looks like he's half shouting, rather than muttering, and I don't think people would be loud about discovering a bloody finger; the station owners's reactions seem like the comic-book equivalent to overwrought stage-acting... *turns to the audience, open hand to side of mouth, loud stage whisper: "I wonder what could be in the trunk!!" That sort of thing has its place in comics, but in a dark graphic-novel sort of story that this seems to want to be, it feels out-of-place.

On the writing, the only comment I have is that "That wasn't a good choice" seems trite and awkward. A mildly different way of putting that might be an improvement.

The speech bubbles should be cut to size to fit the text - there's far too much white space in general. Also, the computer-drawn bubbles and Comic Sans writing make too glaring a contrast to the hand-drawn style of the artwork.

I guess what to do about it depends on where you expect to take it. If you're actually hoping to maybe make some money, I'd say you should strongly consider redoing the artwork with someone else. I realize that's a colossal task, and probably also risks damaging a relationship that's important to you; but I don't believe the existing artwork to be salvageable if you're planning to market it, or attract viewers for repeat visits/advertisement money.

Sorry to be incredibly blunt, but I figure people who say they want all feedback mean what they say, and don't want to be mislead into thinking that "everybody loves it" before they try to sell something.

Good point about Penny Arcade, I'd forgotten how bad they were . Still, I think artwork is probably more crucial to graphic novel-type "comic books", than it is to single-shot strips like that. Especially for a story like this, which is going to hang pretty heavily on the emotional impact and pacing of the artwork, I'd think.

I liked it enough to want the next page already so thats a good thing. Very cool

I'm not so much worried about people seeing my old data... they are just not that talented.

I think the show is better, the drunker you get.......... but it was fun.

It was last night. Ended up hogging the pool table with my brother all night though nether of us is very good.

Sure I'll shoot you a message the next time I head down there.