don't know. feel miserable. have. lonely. drunk. feel miserable. want to talk. type on blog. don't know. what do i do? lonely. nervous breakdown imminent. hate. think. lonely. think. miserable. don't know? please call me. sad. angry. disillusioned? lonely. feel miserable. pointless. why?
fix?
yes? no.
how?
more like how long.
more beer. more lonely. feel miserable. sleep? no.
ugh. talk? somebody? please?

death to the stupid.

You know, I only ever blog when I feel like shit. I guess that makes it really more of a bitch fest.
OK well I just got a phone call- guess I'm headed in to work soon as I have a ride so another time...

Nevermind. This journal is lame. blah. I'd needn't delve into the depths of my mind for you. It looks so lame anyway.

Too lazy to update...
one day, though. I promise. Like that means anything.

I just watched this crazy movie, The American Astronaut. It was great. I was a bit drunk earlier this evening (if I left any weird comments to anyone, that's probably why) and it was exceptionally weird, but then I sobered up and it was only pretty weird.
Definitely worth seeing.
Other than that, I don't know.

I feel like hell. I have been getting totally trashed every night lately. It is unacceptable. I blacked out on the new year's eve and came to on the toilet in my friends' house. I went home, slept for six hours, and was still drunk when I went into work. I've had the shakes for days now at work. I'm almost surprised that I haven't managed to lop off a finger yet.
Lots of bad things running through my head. I don't know.
Enough for now.

Well, I now have this way to be on the internet at my house at least sometimes and I figured why not take advantage of that generous offer in my e-mail, so...
I'M BACK!
we'll see what happens...

Many of you nice folks left me nice comments on my birthday.
Thank you.
Someday when I have more than sporadic internet access, we can have more than one-sided conversations again.

But yeah- 24. Another year.

well, here it is.
Moving to Portsmouth now. It will be a slow process because I am still going to be working my ass off here, so it's about an hour to work if i stay there all the time. I can manage, I think. I am going to move the first carload of junk down there today. yeah. I will be living with some friends of mine, and more have moved next door. It will be like a complex of weirdos. For those of you who know the guy that was formerly known as j0hnny, well, we are apparently going to be neighbors.
Now I just have to hope that my car does not blow up and that I can either find another one or find the time to fix this one before the end of the month, as I have to get it inspected and there are about 1,000,001 reasons why it won't pass. Although, I do know this guy...

I also finished reading Crime And Punishment by Dostoevsky this morning. I have been reading it here and there for a couple of months and I'm happy that it's finally done. When it comes to reading I can't finish just one book- I have to read three at a time. I just can't help myself. Anyway, I think that I'm done with that droll, depressing Russian literature for now. I think there was supposed to be a spark of hope in there somewhere, but I think I missed it.

But I have to go to the bank now, to make sure that I have enough money in my account to cover the check that I wrote yesterday for rent. Then I must pack and throw things out.
And god, how I despise that.

Well, clintronland is much the same.
I'm sure everyone is shocked.

So... last night I went and saw a pretty decent noise show. One band was a bunch of high school kids, and they rocked. The singer was wearing a pair of swimming trunks. It was hilarious. Then, there was this other guy- Frank Sturgeon- who broke my ears.
Great time.

I finally picked up a dvd burner. My cd burner blew up last year sometime and I couldn't justify spending $60 or $70 on my shitty old computer, but I walked into Staples and they had a few dvd burners on sale for $37.50.
so rock. More time I can spend doing useless things. Yay. So exciting.

I also started work at my summer job today. We are still setting the place up. What a shithole. There is so much work to do, and they want us to open part of the restaurant on Thursday. I doubt it will happen, but oh well. It just means more hours for me. There is just so much gross, gross shit in there. Swarms of mosquitos and fruit flies, mouse shit everywhere, and a roof that won't stop leaking. yeah. Not to mention I get to work with some unsavory fucking kids, who I can't stand.
Fun summer.
Hopefully they will just get their own foolish asses fired.
Hopefully.