Grrrr... Emily hate styrafoam packing peanuts... Emily smash them! Grrr...


A day in the life:

So I get to work today and go into the bathroom to scrub paint off my hands I forgot to wash off before from last night's art time and then the phone rings and it's the doctor I work for saying that his wife is going to be fifteen minutes late to the yoga class she teaches this morning (her yoga studio is around the block from his office) and he says- go over there and open it up and entertain them... do something yogic... lead a meditation or something... so I walked over, getting dampened by the rare so cal rain, and did just that and returned to work to see our ten am appointment walking away (the doctor was running late too apparently- it was 10:05) so I frantically looked up her cell and called her to come back.... this seems to be how my day is running today... a bit lopsided but ok

AAAArgh... this morning is Murphey's law in motion and I feel like the embodiement of PMS. Don't you hate those days where you just feel like you might burst into tears at any second even though nothing is really actually all that wrong. Stupid hormones. I know... I'm responsible for my own state of mind and what have you. But I still need to complain sometimes. I just wish I'd stayed in bed this morning is all.

For those of you who wondered... apparently the official answer is that as of yesterday (when I took the refuge vow) I may no longer intentionally kill sentient beings including ants or I am officially a BAD BUDDHIST. Or something like that. Fortunately our office ant infestation has passed already. My refuge name is Tcholem Pema- Discipline Lotus. Sounds kind of S&M to me but I didn't pick it... I really enjoyed the refuge vow ceremony. I found it really moving. Also, on a hike w/ Ryan in the agricultural school area of pierce college I discovered that I think sheep are really cool. They have such pretty faces. This is all true.

The ants go marching a bajillion by bajillion hurrah hurrah
the ants go marching a bajillion by bajillion hurrah hurrah!
The ants go marching a bajillion by bajillion
ecause I forgot to take out the trash
so I kill them one by one...
with my finger...
when they crawl...
on my desk...
bom bom bom

I feel wrong when I kill ants in front of my little buddha statue on my desk. The buddha is not the live sacrifice kind of diety. Is it ridiculous that I feel guilty when I kill an ant... The whole loving all sentient beings thing probably applies to tiny multilegged pesty ones that ick me out too...I'll probably be reincarnated as an ant and tortured by a child with a mangifying glass. I am a nazi in the ant holocaust.... worse still I'm about to vacuum them all up on the hose setting... and I kind of enjoy it. I've always hated ants. First there was some old movie set in Africa where people got eaten by them which I saw at an impressionable age, then, the night beofre my bat mitzvah, there was the legendary explosion of ants out of the box my bat mitzvah shoes were in due to the leaving of candy nearby and my mom's legendary near nervous breakdown about it, then there was the wonderful book The Poisonwood Bible in which people are once again eaten by ants, then there was the invasion of my dorm room in the middle of the night by ants freshman year when I couldn't find any bug spray and stayed up all night killing them one by one with my shoe as they came in through some undetectable hole in my windowledge and by morning I am told I was exceeding all usual levels of derranged, then there was my sophmore year near nervous breakdown when once again the ants invaded my dorm room......bottom line... ants are not my favorite people. It would be fine if they'd just stay outside and leave me alone... but no... they have to invade my home and wreak havok on my fragile sensibilities. Am I a bad person for killing ants? PS. I fear that they will gang up on me in my sleep and crawl in my nose and ears and eat my brains (ants are secretly zombies) And.... that's what I have to say about ants.

Ok... so I'm sorry I disappeared from the sgsphere for so long... I'm back. Life is actually pretty groovy for me right now. I'm moving in with Ryan officially in January. I have a job working as the assistant to a naturopathic doctor. Doing lots of Reiki stuff too. Taking buddhist classes. Meditating. Doing yoga. Thinking about massage school. How's everybody doing?!

I'm back in Los Angeles now. Things are going well. I miss my chicago pals but other than that I am content. I got my old job back at Gymboree and I'm going to take some community college classes and driving lessons and things are generally looking up.

well... how does one say this.... I guess just come out and say it : I have lost my job for stupid reasons and am moving back to LA in 2-3 weeks. I am upset but I will be ok.

I am awesome. Yes. That is all.

I have returned from the dead to once again stalk the chicagoland streets.

excuse me but i seem to have the plague... hopefully the doctor will have some kind of remedy tomorrow