I feel weird for what i am about to say. Am i crazy? (or crazier than i think i am)
I was in a relationship with a guy for 3.5yrs. I unknowingly took the role of submissive (service-oriented submissive), I would do anything he asked or anything i knew he needed or wanted. He hardly had to ask for anything. I enjoyed it. He cheated on me twice and both times i forgave him and when he kept breaking up with me, i kept taking him back. I loved the "love-hate" feelings i felt towards him. Deep down inside I loved being hurt emotionally by him. We have been apart for 2 weeks now and all I can think about is how much i want to wash him, we would shower together and i always washed him. i loved it.
He has commitment issues, whenever he gets scared, he breaks up with me. He knows he loves me and cannot be without me. He has hesitated to come collect his things and said he does not know WHEN/ IF /HOW he is going to do it. He always comes back. And i always want him to come back. Hearing myself say this makes me think that submissive people have no self esteem, just from the sound of all this. But that is not true. I love myself, I adore myself, I know I am the shit and the best thing that has or will ever happen to him. But there is something about pleasing him. something about doing what he wants me to do. If he told me that he wanted to come back, but not for a while. I would probably wait. I would fuck people here and there, but my heart would be on reserve. I dont know how to tell him all of this. But I need what we had, I feel lost without it.
I was in a relationship with a guy for 3.5yrs. I unknowingly took the role of submissive (service-oriented submissive), I would do anything he asked or anything i knew he needed or wanted. He hardly had to ask for anything. I enjoyed it. He cheated on me twice and both times i forgave him and when he kept breaking up with me, i kept taking him back. I loved the "love-hate" feelings i felt towards him. Deep down inside I loved being hurt emotionally by him. We have been apart for 2 weeks now and all I can think about is how much i want to wash him, we would shower together and i always washed him. i loved it.
He has commitment issues, whenever he gets scared, he breaks up with me. He knows he loves me and cannot be without me. He has hesitated to come collect his things and said he does not know WHEN/ IF /HOW he is going to do it. He always comes back. And i always want him to come back. Hearing myself say this makes me think that submissive people have no self esteem, just from the sound of all this. But that is not true. I love myself, I adore myself, I know I am the shit and the best thing that has or will ever happen to him. But there is something about pleasing him. something about doing what he wants me to do. If he told me that he wanted to come back, but not for a while. I would probably wait. I would fuck people here and there, but my heart would be on reserve. I dont know how to tell him all of this. But I need what we had, I feel lost without it.
charlemagne:
I could be cruel and say that you're the girl every brute would wish for, but let's not be cruel today. I know there are nice guys out there who would be more than happy to treat you the same way you treated your ex, but I don't think you gravitate towards them. You're going to have to ask yourself, "Do I like to be treated like a piece of dirt?" Girl, you are better than that! You are going to have to change tactics if you want a relationship that works the way you want it to. Look at the guys your date and ask, "Who is worthy of me?" There are limits to submissiveness--maybe you over did it. You're doing your soul searching. I hope you come up with the right solution.
cherbearr:
thanks sweety, i am working on that. ;-)