What the fuck is all I can say right now.It just seems like every relationship I even start just goes to shit. its like women are passing around a bulliten of don't date me because I will be to fucking good to them.I'm sick of bending over backwards and then getting shot through the damn heart. Tuesday I was with this girl all day and we had a great time I thought she might actually like me too.then she sends me a fucking message saying that I am a sweet but she is already seeing someone.she could of told me that after I gave her the roses instead of today and I would have just been out some money instead of having fucking heartache. I can't even remember the last time I had a relationship that worked for me I think it was when I was a sophomore in high school. it seems every since then all I do is fall on my face. I so fucking sick of it what the hell is wrong with the girls I meet. Its like thanks for being so nice to me and then taking a big shit on me. I just don't know what to do. God Dammit I am so frustrated.

I feel so many emotions right now. My father basically threaten to cut me off and stop helping me pay for school. just because of a tattoo. you can't even see it its far enough up my arm to be covered by a t-shirt. and then he got onto me about my stretched ears which I have had for almost six months. I guess I am screwed then because I just stretched to 0 yesterday and he told me today they better not be any bigger then the last time he saw me which was 2. so thats going to make my birthday fun when they come this weekend. Also my mom is like you better not do anything more I don't want you to be a freak. pretty sure anyone I have ever met with tattoos and piercings aren't freaks they may be a bit different but none of them live in trees or eat babies so defiantly not a freak. SG is about the only place I don't feel alienated anymore. I think its pretty sad that just because I do things to my physical appearance that makes me a freak. I know my parents will always love me but I don't want them to judge just because I did things I wanted to do.Having a tattoo or a piercing doesn't mean you hate yourself or have low self esteem its just something you want. I feel it is a way of expressing myself and I enjoy not looking like everyone else.

I got my first tatto the other day, now I guess I am addicted I really can't wait to get another. as soon as its done I really forgot about the discomfort. although I still have another session left on my first I will probably have to wait to get my next for a few months so I can put the money aside. though I am already trying to get an idea for what I want next.