So, we are at test day plus 12. The results should be in within another 2 weeks. I am still very excited about it, and not anxious that I didn't do well. I really did a good job of preparing for it!
There is, however, another matter. I am having the crisis of conscience that a lot of people get when they are a lot younger than me. I am having the "green" crisis, in two ways: 1) green as in 'environmentalism' and all it entails, and 2) green as in 'money isn't everything.'
There is a year here for me to kill before I go to law school, wherever that will be. I will eventually need to get a job for that year. I wouold really like to do something this year that will make a difference in peoples' lives.
In a lot of ways the next year will be painful because I was really used to making a very generous income, and when this happens, it does go to your head whether you want it to or not. I remember when I first got laid off saying out loud to a friend of mine "It would be horrible going to a job where I only made $50K."
Yeah...I said it then. I look at it now and I feel really horrible about it because of the distorted view of financial reality that I had. If that job would have gone on for another year, I might have lost my soul without even realizing it. Maybe not, but it was a close thing.
Not to worry; I'm back. It will be painful to make the adjustments I need to make, but not really too much. Quite honestly I don't like people who make a whole lot of money and think they are better than everybody else. I don't want to be in that world any more. I have found WITHOUT EXCEPTION that the people that I still talk to and am friends with are not making a whole lot of money, never really had made a lot of money, and don't really care to make a lot of money. I like it much better this way.
All of the friends I lost were prettty much elitist pricks anyway. Money brought jealousy and competitiveness (bad competitiveness...I mean one-upmanship) that I really don't...
So, we are at test day plus 12. The results should be in within another 2 weeks. I am still very excited about it, and not anxious that I didn't do well. I really did a good job of preparing for it!
There is, however, another matter. I am having the crisis of conscience that a lot of people get when they are a lot younger than me. I am having the "green" crisis, in two ways: 1) green as in 'environmentalism' and all it entails, and 2) green as in 'money isn't everything.'
There is a year here for me to kill before I go to law school, wherever that will be. I will eventually need to get a job for that year. I wouold really like to do something this year that will make a difference in peoples' lives.
In a lot of ways the next year will be painful because I was really used to making a very generous income, and when this happens, it does go to your head whether you want it to or not. I remember when I first got laid off saying out loud to a friend of mine "It would be horrible going to a job where I only made $50K."
Yeah...I said it then. I look at it now and I feel really horrible about it because of the distorted view of financial reality that I had. If that job would have gone on for another year, I might have lost my soul without even realizing it. Maybe not, but it was a close thing.
Not to worry; I'm back. It will be painful to make the adjustments I need to make, but not really too much. Quite honestly I don't like people who make a whole lot of money and think they are better than everybody else. I don't want to be in that world any more. I have found WITHOUT EXCEPTION that the people that I still talk to and am friends with are not making a whole lot of money, never really had made a lot of money, and don't really care to make a lot of money. I like it much better this way.
All of the friends I lost were prettty much elitist pricks anyway. Money brought jealousy and competitiveness (bad competitiveness...I mean one-upmanship) that I really don't want around me. I don't want to have to pretend to be somebody I am not any more. Just being myself again I have found that it's pretty easy to make friends and be a good person...before I was in a world of moneygrubbers and backstabbers, beautiful but SHALLOW people, and lots of heartbreak.
So, now that I find myself here 'in myself' again, I have a year before I go to school to do something really special. Not really to re-invent myself, but to make use of the compassion that I really have to enrich the lives of others.
I've been applying for jobs this week. Generally, I have been focusing in banking jobs focusing on fraud detection and anti-money laundering activity. This may not be 100% compatible with my 'vision' of what I could be doing for the next year, but it is something that I am qualified for, and it would avoid the people that I have been around for the last 10 years (actually, it might put some of them in jail, which would be fine with me). Also it would keep me out of sales, because I no longer feel that an income that is based ONLY on commission is just or fair (FYI mortgage people working on commission: give it up. It's never coming back. You are wasting your time and soul, if you had one to begin with).
While I could do any of those jobs and feel that I would be good at any of them, I am in a way hoping that nobody calls me from those jobs. I would rather spend the next year of my life working for the following issues that I believe in:
Social justice, tolerance for religion, sexuality, race, and every nation's right to self-determination, environmental policy change, literacy and the promotion of freedom of thought and expression, and the protections of those that cannot protect themselves (children, women abused by men, and mistreated animals).
I can say at this point in my life that these are the things I believe in without question. I can also say that I THINK THAT ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY.
Because of my past financial success, and because I am a straight Christian-raised caucasian male who has never had anything horrible happen to me in my life, I'm finding it difficult to both transition into what I would consider to be a socially-positive lifestyle (meaning making a difference in any one of those areas I mentioned), and I am also finding it difficult to justify my credibility in these areas.
It's going to be a struggle to make this paradigm shift into a dirty hippie liberal. Nobody is going to believe me.
Nonetheless...I am going to do it. I'm really going to try to make a difference.
This is also going to color what direction I want to go in with my career in law. Yes, I have the potential to make a lot of money, but...to be quite honest, I've made a lot of money. It didn't make me happy. Jesus, I'm crying typing this. I met horrible people that brought really vain and jealous traits in me. I saw the kind of atmosphere that a purely money-based sense of worth and beauty brings.
And, to women, I know what it feels like to be judged entirely by your looks. It's the same thing as being judged entirely by your wallet or your car.
Miami...is...horrible.
IPOD
RADIO
There is, however, another matter. I am having the crisis of conscience that a lot of people get when they are a lot younger than me. I am having the "green" crisis, in two ways: 1) green as in 'environmentalism' and all it entails, and 2) green as in 'money isn't everything.'
There is a year here for me to kill before I go to law school, wherever that will be. I will eventually need to get a job for that year. I wouold really like to do something this year that will make a difference in peoples' lives.
In a lot of ways the next year will be painful because I was really used to making a very generous income, and when this happens, it does go to your head whether you want it to or not. I remember when I first got laid off saying out loud to a friend of mine "It would be horrible going to a job where I only made $50K."
Yeah...I said it then. I look at it now and I feel really horrible about it because of the distorted view of financial reality that I had. If that job would have gone on for another year, I might have lost my soul without even realizing it. Maybe not, but it was a close thing.
Not to worry; I'm back. It will be painful to make the adjustments I need to make, but not really too much. Quite honestly I don't like people who make a whole lot of money and think they are better than everybody else. I don't want to be in that world any more. I have found WITHOUT EXCEPTION that the people that I still talk to and am friends with are not making a whole lot of money, never really had made a lot of money, and don't really care to make a lot of money. I like it much better this way.
All of the friends I lost were prettty much elitist pricks anyway. Money brought jealousy and competitiveness (bad competitiveness...I mean one-upmanship) that I really don't...