I have to take a moment to say how much I love member review. It totally increases the value of my subscription price. I love seeing all of the sets that are posted each day. Many of them don't make the cut to go live on the front page, but each one has something to it that is enjoyable. Plus it gives girls a chance to get feedback on how they might improve. Count me as a big fan of member review.

I have always viewed my birthday the way most people view new years eve.
It's the start of a new year for me in this realm. It's a time for reflecting.
On where I've been. Where I'm going. What I want from life. What do I have to give to life. Lately, it seems as though my karma has changed. I think perhaps I have paid my debt. It would appear as though it is finally my time to reap the rewards of hard work and honest integrity. Therefore it is my resolution, to continue walking the path I am on. To try and do it better. Give more of myself. Be more compassionate. More loving. A better friend. A better lover. A better leader. A better listener. Just as honest, perhaps just a little more filtered. Maybe a little more respectful. I've got to have a little more respect and love for myself. Have more faith and belief in myself. More confidence. Without losing my modesty and humility.
This will be my gift to myself. My Love. My Confidence. My Faith.

Last weekend I was able to take a step outside of reality. I was a little afraid of doing so, but I decided that I was going to just go with it and get whatever I could out of the whole deal. So I did. I was a little unprepared for what happened. I went to a cold, desperate, exploitative place and I was showered with love, affection and really good attention. I had the privilege to meet and spend time with some wonderful people who genuinely liked me. I was told how real I am. I was told that I am beautiful. I was told how much my presence at the moment was appreciated. I was told what an amazing lover I am. I was told what a fantastic friend I am. Events occurred which proved to me that I am a lucky person. I was encouraged to fight for what I want, while at the same time reminded that some things aren't worth fighting for. Little lessons, little messages, little gifts, all presented to me by angels who love me.
However I had to return to reality. I carry these gifts with me, but I struggle to make sense of it all. Understand that some of the things that happened to me are things that just plain do not happen in the real world. They certainly don't happen to me. But they did. And I can't just discount them. Things happen for a reason. These messages I have been given carry immense weight. They pack quite a punch, and I am still processing them all. Still trying to find my feet, in my real life.
While I am feeling a small bit of confusion, and some apprehension, what I feel most is gratitude.
Gratitude and a sense of obligation. I owe it to these angels to use these gifts. I must not waste this wisdom and grace

Today I had a realization. I was sitting at my desk at the end of an incredibly trying week. When my boss came out. He said that we got a lot done in a short amount of time. He said that he was proud of us and that we should feel proud as well. I really needed to hear that. See, I was feeling pretty bad about the week. I didn't think I did a very good job. But I did actually. And my boss let me know. It meant a lot to hear it from him.
and it got me thinking....
This summer I did something pretty great. I helped someone who I really care about. I went above and beyond the call of duty. I was able to share the company of a beautiful soul, and I assisted then in reclaiming their life. Their independence. I did this pretty selflessly. Sure, I had hoped that in return, I would be given her love. But she was incapable of giving this, she was in survival mode. She needed all of her energy to regain normality.
This is not something to be hurt by. This something to be proud of. And I am. I know that the bonds that existed before, are now stronger. There will be a time when she and I can look back and know that for a moment. It was....
But now, it's time to be proud. Be strong. Be alive.

"Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don't have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are. "

Rob Brezney- PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings

So I'm back now. I survived Orlando and then West Virginia after that. It was good to see my mom. But now I'm home and I've noticed that I'm kind of in a rut. I think I need to do some things to change things up. I think I'd like to make some new friends.

'm in Orlando for a conference. I'm surrounded by people who I've been talking to an the phone for the last 2 years. It's kind of ccol. But I have been experiencing an anxiety attack. I'm totally on edge. I feel like I am hanging on by my fingernails. This is new. It only started happening to me this summer. I don't understand it and it seems as though there is nothing I can do about it. I have techniques to try and relax myself. But it's so hard to try and maintain around people who don't really know me.
I'm struggling...

ummmmm....yeah nevermind.....