what do you do when you've seen too much? where do you go to ease your mind? someplace quiet and solemn, what then? you can't stay there forever, it's like those who find comfort in liquor or drugs, you know- an escape from reality. well, my friends you may slip away from reality for a short period of time, but you can't escape it forever, for the low down gritty and grimey reality of life will eventually creep up on you and kick your fucking ass! i'm too fucking old to run from things, i have been for quiet some time now. i've learned to face fears that would make some people piss themselves, and somehow manage to always come out smelling like a rose. not to say that my life has been or always is perfect or easy....contrare mon frare... i've been through shit that makes most people shutter in fear. i've lived only a short while here on this planet we call Earth, yet i feel like i've been around for ages! NO NO NO, not in the sense that i think i have lived past lives or any of that meta-spiritual/ meta-physical/ hippie fucking bullshit. it's just that i'm one of those rare individuals that has actually LIVED life.
what do i mean by that you may be asking yourself, well my dear readers i will tell....

i never had anything but good people around me, i never had alot, but i never wanted for the things i needed either. i grew up with my grandparents, with much love. i was surrounded by people who loved knowledge and emphasized the importance of school. i grew up in a blue collar household, my grandfather was self-employed, sort of a master of all trades and nobody's jack-off. he and my grandmother busted ass to put me in a very prestigious school that costed around 15,ooo dollars a year to attend. i went to that school from kindergarten all the way through my senior year. image that, two folks who in what should have been their retirement years loved me enough to not only take me in, but to spend nearly half of a years income on my education. that's dedication, that's love, that's many things that most people don't get. i understood this after my grandpa got sick with rheumatory artheritis and was unable to work from the spring of my freshman year until his death 7 years later.

it was my duty to help out around the house, to take up the slack for what he could no longer do. for a long while, almost until the day i graduated, my grandfather used my physical strength and his know how to make whatever money we could. i learned a wealth of knowledge regarding how to repair and maintain a home, a car, and appliances. i learned how to build, how to troubleshoot, how to draw blueprints, and the list goes on and on. i owe much to this man who wasn't even my blood grandfather, but who loved me so much, and i him. this april is the anniversary of his death.

this man had such an impact on my life that their isn't a day that goes by that i don't remember him. because of his honesty, and integrity, his hard working spirit and jovial manner, for his love and his patience displayed he was in life and even more so in death the only man that i have or ever will measure myself against. for what he taught stuck, not just how to fix things, but how to be a man and take responsibility, and to make the most of life for we are only here but a short while. some may say this isn't healthy, but i say it's what we lack as a society. true hero's, true role models. people who are sorely missed and who impact our lives for the better. positive influence's to sculpt our flacid clay impressionable selves so that we don't wander through life not knowing who we are and why we are here.

i see where this whole culture we live in is headed and i don't like it. i look around day after day at so many people who just don't get it! people who are bumbling around in life, with no clue whatsoever. it seems as if everybody is searching for the answers that are already before them, and they're too far gone to realize it. i really dispise this world we live in, where is it headed? can't anybody else see how fucking stupid EVERYTHING has become? does anybody else see the bull shit in the whole "hip-hop, super-sized, reality-based" times that we are living in? suburban white kids don't know what color they are, they act more black than the black kids do in the ghetto- i'm sure somebody will flag that as racist, but why? truth is- well just that, TRUTH IS....can't deny it, can't run from it, and not many take the time to see it or find it out for themselves. we're all too busy watching the mind thief, too busy interracting with total strangers on the internet than with our own family in the next room. i could go on about a pasel of things that i so self-righteously deem as "bull-shit", but that in itself would also be bull-shit now wouldn't it?

you see, i'm not asking for approval, acceptance, acknowledgment, or understanding, but i have something that most people here don't, or simply won't believe in- God. yeah, i said it mofo's the G-word.....i.ve been given understanding.... i know where this world is headed, but until then i walk in the ring of Jesus Fire. breech that and face the wrath of the Lord.... believe in him - great - don't believe....no skin off of my teeth just the same. PERSONALLY, i feel like i have taken my fortunate life for granted, and it's time to give credit where credit is due, for what has been my life thus far has been crafted and guided by someone far greater than any man, and since i don't believe in allah, buddah, or any other deity i'm gonna say it's God that has been watching out for me.

i'm not going to wax all condemning like on anybody else, or go in to seminary school, or anything like that, but i feel like i have a personal journey set before me that must be accomplished, i know this journey starts at home with a reconstruction of sorts.

i have been troubled recently, by many things, but today i've had an epiphany. i am bigger than the mortal life i have in me, i am bigger than this world that i live in, i am empowered by the all powerfull, and i no longer have it in me to be less than what i can be. so i've decided to close shop here at sg. i've got no time to spend on anything that isn't in the best interest of God and family.

i thank all of you who have taken the interest enough in me to be my friend and i wish you peace and happiness for all of your days!

snarf!!!

well, damn the man!!!!

i don't know if he killed that lana clarkson chick or not, and i really don't care, but if this honkey mofo doesn't get convicted of murder he should be jailed anyway for sportin the biggest fro a white man could ever possibly have!


after seeing this picture, i have firmly concluded that the amount of hairspray Phil Spector uses to manage his monsterous hair/fro is 99% of the contributing factor to the depletion of the ozone layer!

feeling quite hungover from the endless st. patricks day celebrations that i've gone to- today i will either sober up or die. right now i think i will die.

the wife and i celebrated our 6th anniversary last night- dinner, dancing, sexing, and boozing- not necessarily in that order- i had to have some drinks before i could loosen up to dance because i don't like dancing, but i'll do anything to make that sweet woman happy.

it's funny how we can't wait to get a night alone without our kids, but 10 minutes after we drop them off we start talking about them, and can't wait to see them again- we love the little stinkers that's for sure!

hope everyone is doing well!

okay, so you know what i don't get- how a grown man can purposely push a little boy down and then not expect to get his ass kicked! yah, that's what happened a week ago at the park. my two boys were playing and my oldest accidentally ran into another kid, that kids dad just came up and knocked my boy down on the ground and called him a "little motherfucker"! i saw the whole thing happen, and instead of confronting him about it, i decided to just give him a beating. i'm not a violent person, but this IS a violent world- so i can be too if necessary.

as it turned out, somebody at the park called the police and yours truly got to spend a couple of days in jail for it, maybe more after i go to court next month. i haven't felt much like posting anything until today. my wife is worried about me getting some time, which would really be hard on us financially, however i have absolutely no regrets about defending my child, and on the brighter side, i am now 10 feet tall and bullet proof in his eyes!

i just don't get how someone could lose their cool with a little kid like that, i don't understand how that man felt compelled to lay his hands on another mans child over an obvious accident! i didn't go overboard on him, but i did slap him around some, i didn't break any of his bones or beat him unconscience or anything like that. i just made my point, and made sure he had had enough. i gathered my family and started to leave, but "the man" got me before i even made it to my car- damn their quick response time!

i told them why i did it and one of the officers agreed w/me that he would have done the same thing, but the other man wanted to press charges on me so they had to arrest me. the booking officer was pretty cool too, there were two witnesses that made statements on my behalf and so he totally believed that i was only defending my kid. he didn't hassle me or anything. in fact he told me that since the other guy wasn't injured other than a few minor scrapes, and with the witnesses statements and willingness to testify in court, it was more than likely that the case would be thrown out before i even have to go to court.

in other news, i just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico

i've been to some of the craziest parties at this fucking place! it was built by my cousins uncle jimmy, who is one of the most fucked up individuals you would ever care to meet! believe it or not, this place has attracted people from all over the world. jimmy would charge .50 to go through it from bottom to top and he kept a guestbook for everyone who went through it to sign their name and where they were from. he must have at least a hundred of those guestbooks full of names of people who seen this monster house from the highway and stopped in to check it out.





once i went to jimmy's with a couple of friends from indianapolis for an evening of his hospitality which consisted of much beer/ whiskey/ mary jane/ and occasionally some really killer LSD. well, he gave me a priceless gift that to this day i still can't figure out why he gave to me. it was about 4 hours of footage that he and some of his friends took at the first woodstock! there was no sound, but he at one point took the original footage to someone who added 4hrs worth of music and copied it to vhs. i'm sure he still has the original 8mm film, but just to have a copy of it is pretty awesome - it's a piece of history.

but that's how jimmy is, he's from another time and place. if he likes you he would give you anything he has to offer, if he doesn't like you, well - he would still drink beer and get high w/ you!

he got into some trouble with the government a few years back, and he did about a year or so in prison. while he was on the inside someone set fire to his barnhouse and the new house he had built (noah's ark).
the county seized his land, and basically fucked him over financially while he was in the can. not that he was ever rich to begin with, but they didn't do anything but make a poor man even more poor.

but to see him today, he still the same guy. still getting high and dreaming about things that he'll probably never accomplish. still telling the same old stories and a couple of new ones about how the county fucked him over. he's somewhat of a folk legend in owen county, even more so now that the barnhouse is gone.

the barnhouse

There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
nin

once there was a marine corp squad that fought in the southern pacific theatre during WWII. they had engaged in many battles against their japanese adversaries, from island to island, large or small, all in order to establish control of each island for whatever reason. be it to store a secret cache of ammunition, food, or other supplies. or maybe it was to clear land to build a base and airstrip from which to launch strikes. it never mattered why they had to do it, they just fought the battles and fought them well.

in one particular battle in which they weren't fairing so well, a sargent sent a young lance corporal out away from the unit to scout out the situation, and if possible. to find a way of escape from what seemed to be a neverending volley of rifle fire. the unit held it's position for the next 30 minutes, fighting valiently, and without fear, all except for the sargent who feared that his lance corporal had been killed or worse - captured. it wasn't long before the lance corporal had came back to report the situation.

l.c. - "sargent, were outnumbered about 10 to 1, the enemy is gaining ground ahead of us, they have begun to volley behind us, there is a detachment to our right, and one closing in on our left - we have no way of retreat- we are totally surrounded!"

many of the soldiers huddled around the corporal and sargent to hear of the news, all to which the sargent replied, "good, then we've got them where we want them, now let's finish them off"
instantly the trained men knew that that day could very well be their last, that they might die there on that strange foreign soil. without blinking the men fought more valiently then ever, they weren't going to retreat for there was no retreat. they weren't about to give in to their enemies only to become prisoners to a ruthless captor! however they fought as if defeat was not an option. the fighting spirit of those men who overheard the report soon spread to the other soldiers, until every single marine on that battlefield fought with the strength and determination of what seemed to be 100 men!

they fought for three days straight, hungry and exhausted they ended the battle with hand to hand combat against their foe! they overcame their own misfortune by not giving up, and instead fighting harder. they fought so well that they evened the odds of the battlefield, and what was left of their enemy began a steady retreat. being so full of rage they chose not to allow a retreat but to give chase and overtake their enemy. not by weaponry, but by hand!

the moral of the story is: WHEN TROUBLE COMES YOUR WAY, DON'T GIVE UP! DON'T SHRIVEL UP LIKE A FLACID PENIS, STAY HARD MAN! GRIT YOUR TEETH AND SHOW THE WORLD WHAT YOUR MADE OF! IF SOMEBODY OPPOSES YOU THEN KNOCK THEM THE FUCK DOWN!

this is the way i feel right now, as i have had a very trying day! shit happens and life goes on, and it's nothing of which i really care to share with anyone, but troubling indeed-

i just remembered hearing that story and thought i would share it with anyone who cared to read it........

I Dream’d in a Dream
Walt Whitman(1819–1892). Leaves of Grass. 1900.

I DREAM’D in a dream, I saw a city invincible to the attacks of the whole of the rest of the earth;
I dream’d that was the new City of Friends;
Nothing was greater there than the quality of robust love—it led the rest;
It was seen every hour in the actions of the men of that city,
And in all their looks and words.