what do you do when you've seen too much? where do you go to ease your mind? someplace quiet and solemn, what then? you can't stay there forever, it's like those who find comfort in liquor or drugs, you know- an escape from reality. well, my friends you may slip away from reality for a short period of time, but you can't escape it forever, for the low down gritty and grimey reality of life will eventually creep up on you and kick your fucking ass! i'm too fucking old to run from things, i have been for quiet some time now. i've learned to face fears that would make some people piss themselves, and somehow manage to always come out smelling like a rose. not to say that my life has been or always is perfect or easy....contrare mon frare... i've been through shit that makes most people shutter in fear. i've lived only a short while here on this planet we call Earth, yet i feel like i've been around for ages! NO NO NO, not in the sense that i think i have lived past lives or any of that meta-spiritual/ meta-physical/ hippie fucking bullshit. it's just that i'm one of those rare individuals that has actually LIVED life.
what do i mean by that you may be asking yourself, well my dear readers i will tell....

i never had anything but good people around me, i never had alot, but i never wanted for the things i needed either. i grew up with my grandparents, with much love. i was surrounded by people who loved knowledge and emphasized the importance of school. i grew up in a blue collar household, my grandfather was self-employed, sort of a master of all trades and nobody's jack-off. he and my grandmother busted ass to put me in a very prestigious school that costed around 15,ooo dollars a year to attend. i went to that school from kindergarten all the way through my senior year. image that, two folks who in what should have been their retirement years loved me enough to not only take me in, but to spend nearly half...

what do you do when you've seen too much? where do you go to ease your mind? someplace quiet and solemn, what then? you can't stay there forever, it's like those who find comfort in liquor or drugs, you know- an escape from reality. well, my friends you may slip away from reality for a short period of time, but you can't escape it forever, for the low down gritty and grimey reality of life will eventually creep up on you and kick your fucking ass! i'm too fucking old to run from things, i have been for quiet some time now. i've learned to face fears that would make some people piss themselves, and somehow manage to always come out smelling like a rose. not to say that my life has been or always is perfect or easy....contrare mon frare... i've been through shit that makes most people shutter in fear. i've lived only a short while here on this planet we call Earth, yet i feel like i've been around for ages! NO NO NO, not in the sense that i think i have lived past lives or any of that meta-spiritual/ meta-physical/ hippie fucking bullshit. it's just that i'm one of those rare individuals that has actually LIVED life.
what do i mean by that you may be asking yourself, well my dear readers i will tell....

i never had anything but good people around me, i never had alot, but i never wanted for the things i needed either. i grew up with my grandparents, with much love. i was surrounded by people who loved knowledge and emphasized the importance of school. i grew up in a blue collar household, my grandfather was self-employed, sort of a master of all trades and nobody's jack-off. he and my grandmother busted ass to put me in a very prestigious school that costed around 15,ooo dollars a year to attend. i went to that school from kindergarten all the way through my senior year. image that, two folks who in what should have been their retirement years loved me enough to not only take me in, but to spend nearly half of a years income on my education. that's dedication, that's love, that's many things that most people don't get. i understood this after my grandpa got sick with rheumatory artheritis and was unable to work from the spring of my freshman year until his death 7 years later.

it was my duty to help out around the house, to take up the slack for what he could no longer do. for a long while, almost until the day i graduated, my grandfather used my physical strength and his know how to make whatever money we could. i learned a wealth of knowledge regarding how to repair and maintain a home, a car, and appliances. i learned how to build, how to troubleshoot, how to draw blueprints, and the list goes on and on. i owe much to this man who wasn't even my blood grandfather, but who loved me so much, and i him. this april is the anniversary of his death.

this man had such an impact on my life that their isn't a day that goes by that i don't remember him. because of his honesty, and integrity, his hard working spirit and jovial manner, for his love and his patience displayed he was in life and even more so in death the only man that i have or ever will measure myself against. for what he taught stuck, not just how to fix things, but how to be a man and take responsibility, and to make the most of life for we are only here but a short while. some may say this isn't healthy, but i say it's what we lack as a society. true hero's, true role models. people who are sorely missed and who impact our lives for the better. positive influence's to sculpt our flacid clay impressionable selves so that we don't wander through life not knowing who we are and why we are here.

i see where this whole culture we live in is headed and i don't like it. i look around day after day at so many people who just don't get it! people who are bumbling around in life, with no clue whatsoever. it seems as if everybody is searching for the answers that are already before them, and they're too far gone to realize it. i really dispise this world we live in, where is it headed? can't anybody else see how fucking stupid EVERYTHING has become? does anybody else see the bull shit in the whole "hip-hop, super-sized, reality-based" times that we are living in? suburban white kids don't know what color they are, they act more black than the black kids do in the ghetto- i'm sure somebody will flag that as racist, but why? truth is- well just that, TRUTH IS....can't deny it, can't run from it, and not many take the time to see it or find it out for themselves. we're all too busy watching the mind thief, too busy interracting with total strangers on the internet than with our own family in the next room. i could go on about a pasel of things that i so self-righteously deem as "bull-shit", but that in itself would also be bull-shit now wouldn't it?

you see, i'm not asking for approval, acceptance, acknowledgment, or understanding, but i have something that most people here don't, or simply won't believe in- God. yeah, i said it mofo's the G-word.....i.ve been given understanding.... i know where this world is headed, but until then i walk in the ring of Jesus Fire. breech that and face the wrath of the Lord.... believe in him - great - don't believe....no skin off of my teeth just the same. PERSONALLY, i feel like i have taken my fortunate life for granted, and it's time to give credit where credit is due, for what has been my life thus far has been crafted and guided by someone far greater than any man, and since i don't believe in allah, buddah, or any other deity i'm gonna say it's God that has been watching out for me.

i'm not going to wax all condemning like on anybody else, or go in to seminary school, or anything like that, but i feel like i have a personal journey set before me that must be accomplished, i know this journey starts at home with a reconstruction of sorts.

i have been troubled recently, by many things, but today i've had an epiphany. i am bigger than the mortal life i have in me, i am bigger than this world that i live in, i am empowered by the all powerfull, and i no longer have it in me to be less than what i can be. so i've decided to close shop here at sg. i've got no time to spend on anything that isn't in the best interest of God and family.

i thank all of you who have taken the interest enough in me to be my friend and i wish you peace and happiness for all of your days!