Enough of that

By the way, a friend turned me on to this lovely woman's music:




Not to mention, she's unbelievably drool worthy








See? Drool-worthy

Enough of that

By the way, a friend turned me on to this lovely woman's music:




Not to mention, she's unbelievably drool worthy

I recently had a friend tell me how difficult Thanksgiving and the Holidays were for her. So post-thanksgiving, I guess I kind of find myself thinking about "the holidays" and what that means...
As someone who has spent several holidays away from home and "family" (by family I mean the ones we're born into, not the ones we choose).
I'm not good with traditions.
Perhaps it's cause I'm not religious.
Perhaps it's because I just think we weigh the relevance of that time of year too heavily, maybe I just think every time we spend with the people we love should be *that* relevant, and freaking out over the turkey and the rolls and who sits next to who and who is talking to who and whether or not we should have wine at dinner because aunt so and so is struggling with alcoholism and blah blah blah
Granted I get the stress, I get what it feels lie to be in that position. I just don't find it necessary.
Even remotely.
Ever.
Seriously, why bother if the time and memories we make aren't worth all that stress? If all you want after all of that stress is a drink and to hide and not see those people for another year, why are you putting yourself through it?
Why do we subject ourselves to that kind of bullshit and stress in general?

That being said, I love my family, I'm not saying I don't or that they are a waste of time, and yep we have as many issues as any other family. There's always that cousin or person everyone kind of puts at a distance or that someone wants to shake and ask them what the hell they think they're doing with their lives, don't they know any better??!! But guess what? It's their life
Get over it.
I did.

I spent another thanksgiving away from family. It's nothing new at this point. And I'm okay with it.
I had actually planned on spending the holiday by myself. I figured I'd make a stuffed acorn squash for dinner, have a glass of wine, watch a movie, read a book, work on a painting that I started in july and still haven't finished.
To some that may sound sad, lonely even.
Here's the thing, my life is hectic and busy and filled with time spent on work, derby and things outside of me. So a weekend full of solitude and no obligations kind of feels like heaven to me.

Regardless, I decided to go to issue_'s house for Thanksgiving. And I am so glad I did. It was another nice non-traditional holiday to add to my bank of good memories. I met some great people from here, that reminded me of why I joined and love this website. And was reminded that I need to push myself out of my world of work and derby more often Nice huh?

I guess my point is this (and I am copying what I told the friend who I mentioned earlier, so for those of you who have already read this, sorry, here you go again) we should maybe consider taking the pressure of tradition off of the holidays and just try to spend and enjoy them in a manner that will create a good memory for ourselves. This is one of my favorite "holiday" memories :

That's all.

I had a great holiday, and despite the real history versus what we were taught in school. Despite all the stuff people jump up and down about to remind us of how fucked up our cultural history is, I think the holidays are important and should be enjoyed. Seriously every nation with the size and influence of the US has a "sordid" past, and I think acknowledging it is extremely important so that we as a culture don't repeat the horrible mistakes of our past, but traditions and holidays and their meaning change with time. just like languages and cultures do. So why not remember and recognize what happened, but let's get rid of collective guilt cause it is not good for anything, let's redefine what that means, and not shit all over everything in the process. At the same time, let's value our traditions but not hold on so tightly to what they have to be and what the ideals are that we are unable to be flexible with what they can be. Focus on meaning, focus on making great memories, because once everything in life is said and done, those memories are what speak for the kind of life you led.

What are some of your best holiday memories. Traditional or Non? Doesn't matter as long as they make you smile when you think about em and maybe they even bring a little tear to your eye with that smile (those are the best ones for me).

time to get rid of that video thing.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. Lately I have been so hit and miss on here, I apologize. Lots going on (as always). More on that later, but I've joined the crew in LA, i'm working a big tournament in Eugene OR in February, I'll be working several tournaments next year I hope. I'm jumping and seriously wondering about my sanity.

Recently I completed a profile on one of those dating site thingers, which for the record, I don't *get* and they weird me out a bit. But I liked some of the questions, so I'm sharing some:


My self-summary
I'm fiercely independent.
I have lived in Southern California for 3 1/2 years and STILL feel like a fish out of water here. I'm still happy being here, it's just a strange strange place for me to be living.
I'm a Colorado girl and proud.
I grew up in the mountains in Colorado, I went to college outside of Portland Oregon, I have lived in San Francisco, The UK (Wales to be specific), Spain, Mexico. I've also travelled to several other places both in and outside of the U.S.
I love travel.
I can't breathe without art and music.
I am actively involved in roller derby as an official. If you hear "roller derby" and think Roller Ball or any of the crap you may have seen on tv years ago, do yourself a favor and go check out a bout with your local derby league. I guarantee you will be pleasantly surprised. This is something different.
I don't fit well into any box, and never have.
I can be honest to a fault.
I can be fierce and intimidating when I feel like someone I love is being threatened.

I'm not sure what else to say here, but I think I've probably given you a good idea to begin with.


I spend a lot of time thinking about
Oh this is a long list. I'm a scorpio and a woman, I over think EVERYTHING. Seriously.
Everything.
I think about books. I think about ideas, I think about the ideas behind ideas.
I think about women. I think about men. I think about what it means to be a woman (or a man), I think about how liberating and damaging and restrictive and freeing all of that can be (and yes our culture represses men as well as women, take a minute to consider emotional repression, take a minute to consider gender identity).
I think about how liberals are open-minded only when talking to like minded liberals. I think about conservatives and anger and repression.
I think about irony.
I think about sex.
I think about death.
I think about religion.
I
Just
Think
About
A LOT of Things
(and I hope you do too)


Soooo What's Your Self-Summary? What do you spend a lot of time thinking about? Out of Curiosity.....

Surprise me!

***for the record, if this dating profile doesn't scare the shit out of people i don't know what will!!! hahahahaha***

So I finally figured out how to download a video on here! Thank you Leib_!!!
Here's my contribution to the accent video craze and I kinda dig vlog-ing (but I hate that word)




Anyway, hopefully you enjoy it. For anyone interested, the book I read a passage out of is seriously amazing. Like "I want to sit and read it to you" amazing. It broke my heart and I loved it so much I am reading it a second time a week after finishing it the first time

Oh and the reason I read this is cause I have always referred to my paintings as "my babies, my girls, my children"
Even though I have never had children, art, for me, and creating art has somehow always been tied to the metaphor of pregnancy and giving birth, weird huh?
The rock bit, I collect rocks and shells and sand and pieces of places that hold me and that have seeped into my being, it's something I have been doing since I was 17 years old. 18 almost 19 years. I don't collect them simply because "oh look it has a pretty stripe on it, there has always been something else connected to my earth gathering. It's a way to bring all of the place I have loved with me, it connects me to my past.
Seriously, this book in many places, but certainly not all, felt like my own life's narrative, the one I don't really tell people. It's amazing. Really really amazing. I haven't read a book like this in a while...

Everything else is pretty good, more on the craziness that is my life soon!!!

i have so many mixed emotions lately i feel like an ocean with multiple currents

i'm excited cause i'm going to THIS next weekend

I love being Head Ref but honestly part of me just wants to throw in the towel and be an official that's it. No head. No dealing with other people's bullshit.
I am learning that despite someone's potential, it's not my responsibility to make sure they reach that potential, and at the end of the day we all have potential, it's our own choice whether or not we decide to reach it.
And I hate that
Fucking hate it
Which leads me to realizing I can be a bit of a control freak
Not because I want to dominate, more because I have this need to elevate people.
And I know that it's not my job or responsibility and I hate that there are people who choose not to realize their potential.

That's all I'm saying.
I've had a few glasses of wine (I don't drink much anymore) and my head is all over the place.
Realizing I'm not a failure because the people I am "in charge of" choose to not realize their potential and make stupid decisions is liberating but it also sucks.
On another note, here's a funny (or annoying depending on how you look at it) story.
I believe anything worth having is worth fighting for, it's what I was raised to believe.

Our girls lost their regular practice space in the very beginning of July. We now have a place to practice and bout on Saturdays, but have been in city parks and parking lots for the past few months. On Thursday, another city official came and said there were signs saying we couldn't practice there.
There are signs saying "no skateboarding" but not signs saying "no skating" there are signs saying "no group events without a permit" but there is a basketball group that meets up and plays every tuesday and has been for 20 years (if they're not a group event neither are we).
I'm not a skater. I'm an official.
Yet I felt like the only one who wanted to say "hold on, no you're wrong lady."
I said "we need to do what skateboarders did in the 80s and 90s" and I get blank stares.
I explain how skateboarders (or at lest the ones I knew) skated everywhere they could that said "no skating" and they got tickets, and they went to court and they asked for a trial by jury and they bogged the court systems down and forced cities to build skate parks.
And I get a grin and a giggle.

What happened to the idealists? What happened to people who actually give enough of a shit about ANYTHING that they're willing to take a risk?
Or am I just old and my "Fight the power" ideals are something that people only dig as lyrics in songs now?





























Can you tell I was raised by a couple of flower children? Hahaha


And there's a reason I always liked telling hippies how much they have in common with punks and vice versa.

I love long weekends!

Wish I had more of them.

Wish I had a job that would allow me to spend as much time as I'd like doing derby related schtuff.

Wait this was supposed to be a non derby related blog...



That seems nearly impossible these days.
As much as I love it. I'm glad the season is coming to a close. I just finished a game last night that I went from being asked to be a guest Head NSO for a new league that shows a ton of promise (led by two of the skaters that I saw play and who made me want to skate a few years ago) to staffing the entire officials roster for their first bout, explaining to one of the girls what my opinions are on building an officials crew, selecting a head ref and on practice attendance requirements for officials and offering to help their crew once they begin to establish one

Actually, it was a ton of fun. The bout went well and the officiating went well, there were and always are places that could have used some improvement. I think the bout was a good one. I know the newer league won, but had no idea what the score was or how the game really went until I looked at the stats sheets today. It's funny. People think being an official means "you have the best seats in the house", but if you're actually doing your job, you never really see the game.

I just have a tendency to overcommit and am ready for a few months of downtime.
I need some me time.
I want to spend some more time painting and reading.
I will most likely back off quite a bit over the holidays and drop down on my attendance.

A very good friend, my closest friend in the derby community actually, recently asked me if I was going to continue on as Head Ref next year, which I thought was a funny question, but I realized what she meant. It takes a lot out of you. It kind of consumes you in a way, and I think the trick for me is that I need to not let it. I gotta learn how to say no sometimes. Of course I'll keep doing this as long as I can, and I imagine there is a chance at some point that the crew will outgrow me, and the position might be more suited to someone else, which is also fine.

Lately I keep finding myself wishing and wanting to try to skate again. Eventually I may be able to. As much as I love being an NSO and love teaching people and love doing what I do.

I still want to skate.
Even though I broke my ankle, went back and fractured my elbow.
I still wish I could skate
I know it may never be possible, but damn it I hate that. There is a part of me that feels so envious of the people who can, especially the ones it comes so easy to.

Sigh*

I'm happy with where I'm at, so don't take this as a whiney "poor me" bullshit blog. I guess I'm just frustrated cause that desire isn't dead and I don't really know that it ever will be...


This is so not the blog I set out to write. Haha.
Aw well, it needed to be said, at one time or another...