I finally have interwebs in my home!



I hope you all have been behaving yourselves (okay maybe not).

Real life update coming soon (but not tonight, it's late and I'm an old broad, and I have work early tomorrow, but I love you nutters!)


xoxoxo
Me

I'm here.
In Portland.
Alive.

It's been one hell of a month, past two months.

I guess I should write about it sometime.

But I'm tired and crabby right now, and I have a shit ton to do this week, including moving into my own apartment finally.

I hope you're all well, I'll update soonish.

Right now I am learning how to not be in charge.
At work and in my new officiating crew, which is not as strong as the one I left, has some good people, who just need a lot of training, and reminding myself that it's not my job to do that, knowing I'm the new kid and unless someone asks specifically for my input and help, I need to just let them fuck up on their own...not easy for me.

But I think it's a good lesson, walking into work and being trained by someone who I could help to make their job easier, walking into a league with officials who I know I can help, but knowing it's not my job...

These are good, but challenging things for me...

It's amazing how much the place you live in can affect you.

As many of you know finding not only an apartment, but a place to stay in the meantime, was a massive stress factor for me.

In February, I came up here for a job interview. I went out that night with the friend I was staying with and met this awesome girl I hit it off with. She gave me her name and we hooked up on Facebook.
Then she and her husband opened up their home to me and my kitties.
I don't know her through derby, or SG. We have the single mutual friend from the bar and I don't think they are very close.

People amaze me sometimes.
The openness and kindness I have seen in less than a week here is dumb founding.

I forgot what that was like.
Trusting strangers.
Enough to open your home to them.

I'm learning to do that again.
For the first time in ages.

I have these closed off walls I have built, and quite frankly, they're dumb.
The people that have opened their home to me. Amazing.
My faith in humanity is slowly becoming restored.

This isn't to say that people in Southern California aren't wonderful or trustworthy. I built some wonderful friendships there. People like issue_ opened their homes to me on holidays where I had no where else to go.
But this.
Is a whole different level.

And it's really nice.
I can feel these walls and shells in me breaking down.
It's scary.
But a good scary.

I'm learning to trust strangers again.
And that's kind of wonderful.

So
I officially live in Portland now.
Apartment should be secured tomorrow, but I won't be moving in until The second week of April.
I really wish I could be settled and move in to a place this weekend, but I'm happy to be here and starting a new job on Friday.

How bad is it that when I saw that CVS has 750 ml bottles of Jameson on sale for 16.99, I was tempted to buy a case, knowing that in Oregon this will never happen.

I should be packing the last of the things that will go in my car with me to Portland on Sunday.

I should be.

But something stopped me.

You see, I have this collection.

Of rocks.

And some shells.

And a few pieces of green beach glass.

These rocks have moved with me since I was 8 or 9 years old.

And I’ve moved a lot.

And far.

I go through this every time I move.
Not short moves from apartment to apartment in the same city or region.
Just the big moves, like this one.
I clean and wrap my rocks and memories, and I take them with me.

I started collecting these rocks when I was a kid, the first time I visited California and went to Disneyland.
I had no idea what I was doing then.

At age 17, I bought a white suede pouch from a Wiccan/Shaman store that had opened in my hometown.
The most precious pebbles and shells, the small ones go in this pouch.
This pouch travels with me anytime I leave home.
The other rocks only travel on the big moves.

The thing is, with these rocks, it’s not just “oh this is a pretty rock, I think I’ll take it home”, it’s more than that.
Every time I take a stone, I am taking a piece of somewhere I love and/or a moment that has impacted me significantly.

This weekend, I will be taking a piece of Southern California.
I wouldn’t have done that 3 ½ years ago, which is when I was ready to GTFO the last time. My time here has been really rocky. I abhorred Southern California for the first year and a half I lived here. There are still a lot of things I don’t like, but 3 ½ years ago, I got involved in roller derby. Roller Derby kept me in Southern California. And I don’t regret a second of that. Roller Derby is an amazing sport, but it’s more than that. It’s a community and that’s why I stayed. To learn and grow with that community.

See my rocks are probably because I have always wished I could take the people and moments I love from each place I have lived with me. My own little weird utopia you could say.
I can’t take people, but my rocks are a very physical and real piece of those moments, people and places.
When I move from region to region, state to state or country to country, those places move with me.
I am terrible at taking photos, but if I ever lost these rocks, I would be as heartbroken as someone who lost all of their photos in a fire.

As I wash and wrap these rocks, I am holding these places in my hand.
My moving has extended the network of people I love quite literally from Hong Kong and Japan to Hawaii.

I have several pieces of Colorado, where I grew up and have moved back to several times, that I carry with me. Places I loved and hiked at regularly, places that housed moments I wanted to keep like a butterfly in amber.

People and moments are fluid. Rocks are solid and they carry these things with them for centuries. So I guess part of my stability is in these damned rocks.

I have pieces of Oregon, where I went to college that I hope to add to.

I have pieces of Wales, where I moved at age 20. A country and culture that I hold and guard as fiercely as a sibling. One I am proud to say a large part of my heritage comes from. I will never say “I’m Welsh” as the American tradition seems to be. I’m not Welsh, I’m American, but damn it, I love my heritage.
I camped in the courtyard of a castle when I lived in Wales. I have a piece of that castle courtyard in my rocks.

I have pieces of Ireland.

I have pieces of Northern California.

And Mexico.

And Spain.

And Greece.

I have rocks from places I’ve never been because a few people have known this about me and have given me rocks that were special to them. I love these.
So now I take the places that I have lived and I will add another rock, because God Damn It Southern California, you look soft, but you’re as hard as New York City. Still, there is a piece of you I love, and I can quite honestly say that these past five years were anything but wasted.

With that rock, I will take all of the people I love and will genuinely miss.
So to those of you here, know that I am taking you with me as I am taking a small piece of the physical place with me.

I don’t have established roots. My rocks are my roots, and you all are a part of those roots.

Thank You Southern California, I can quite honestly say that I like the me I have become more now than I did when I crossed that state line 5 years ago.

Holy Shit.





THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!!

Also, that's how the new kitty Isis (who Poseidon is gradually losing his will to dislike) "packs".

Oh, and I found a place to crash for a month before my place is ready to move in.

My stress levels are still through the roof though..


I'm over packing, and just want to have a huge bonfire with all my shit

I'm moving in 10 days.
I have a place to live but not until April 15th.

I'd be lying if I said this doesn't freak me the fuck out.

Did I mention how excited I am to move back to Portland yet????

No???






Also, going to this tonight:

Eat Your Art Out-Angel City Derby Girls' Silent Art Auction

Last year I wound up dancing at a lesbian club with bearded ladies and issue_





There was also some really awesome artwork there.





And fancy ladies.



PS-
All the EYAO photos are by issue_