got really sick, the last few days. i was fairly out of it, while cece was visiting. we got to hang out for a few hours, but most of it was spent with me wheezing, in various positions and her making fun of me. which is how it should be. you're right, we are the same. remember that, before i had to go-go-godzilla and run amok in japan, to find you.

yeah, pretty sick, i wanted a shirt that says, "i'm going pandemic" or something of that sort. work up feeling really well today, though not quite all the way better.

speccy-V is inching towards repair. since i don't know how long allstate is going to take, i told my insurance to start with the repairs. the collision center should start tear down on monday. i still need to get a hold of trooper butler, so i can get the case number and hopefully a copy of it, and fax it to allstate. then get them to reimburse me. this will probably cost my family and i a thousand, before it's over.

darcy, a nice young lady that works down the hall, got my number, the other day. she comes in to look at anime and weird al yankovic, that's so awesome. she wants to go play lazer tag, i think that might be a little too much activity for me, too quickly.

i really wish you weren't moving. i get this little empty feeling, when i really think about it. if i had you here, i don't think i'd need anyone else.

so tired, i get to go work at the deerbrook store tomorrow...

:\

yup yup yup, psyclon nine was last night. dave and i went, but before that we tried to meet up with matthew and his wife, to get some fried chicken. i've been waiting to go to henderson's chicken shack, almost since i moved back. we all finally had the chance to go, matthew made it to the address before us, after he got there he informed us that it had been closed for nine months. :.. i wanted that chicken so bad. so we decided to go to frenchies, instead. the closest one was actually based out of an h.e.b., had no sitting room, only accepted cash and had had food sitting out all day. dave and i got some bar-b-que instead, and then went to the show.
scheduled at five, we got there at six and there was still a line. we sat in the red room, through a couple opening bands and realized the main show was going on in the purple room. we were wondering how they were going to fit all of mushroom head on a ten x five foot stage. i decay was playing, who was actually kind of decent, for the type of music they played. the lead singer had more charisma than everyone else from all the other bands, excluding pysclon nine. the next band sucked. we ended up sitting through five bands, waiting for psyclon nine. some kid asked me if they were the main reason i came, told him they were the only reason. he asked me what about mushroom head, and i told him i thought they were crap. in a few more words than that. it was funny. up until psyclon nine was about to come out, i hadn't really move an inch, which was what prompted the question, i believe. psyclon nine played five or six songs, the vocals for the first two were really screwed up. nero was talking crap from the start. 'we've been to houston a few times and this is, by far, the weakest crowd yet' haha, that was right at the start of their set, maybe after the first song. there was also something about one side of the crowd being ugly and the other being pretty. my ears are, quite literally, still ringing from their set. mushroom head came on, and though i wanted to completely miss their set, dave wanted to stay for a few songs. no less than three of their members are completely useless. two of them pounded on big drums for the first song, one of them played with a light for the rest of the time and i don't know what happened to the second. another guy just stood there shaking his head and muttered something, everyonce in a while.

tried to go get the insurance payments straightened out, with my car today. my insurance told me i'd have to pay the five hundred dollar deductible, even if the other guy is at fault, if i have them help me. so i have to file a claim with bj's insurance. problem is, he's not on the account number that the trooper gave me. allstate can't even find him in the system. so i don't know what's going on there. i tried to contact trooper butler, but he wasn't in til three, which i found out after going over to the department of public safety. so, my insurance won't pay for a rental, period, even if i go through them, and i can't get bj's to pay, since i don't know what his is and can't get a hold of trooper butler. i guess it's good that i actually managed to get a little saved, for the first time being down here, cause i'm having to pay for it, right now. got a loaner, if i have to i can manage to hold on to it for eight days. hopefully we'll have something going before that, because storage payments, for speccy-V will start up soon.
though i'm not mad, this is really starting to stress me out. this is the first time i've had to deal with all this stuff, and i don't have anyone to help me vent or to be here to help give me advice. the tow truck driver has been the biggest help that i've had, he's a real nice guy. the guy from enterprise was real nice too. but it's not the same. starting to feel like i might explode.

so, i'm traveling along f.m. 1960, which is a road to where if you're not doing twenty over the speed limit, you're going to cause an accident. i'm going down 1960 in the right hand lane, with a red nissan s.u.v. in front of me. they start to slow down and i have space to get into the middle lane. so i check my mirror, put on my blinker and pull into the lane. when suddenly a black jeep appears to my front drivers side, coming from the left hand lane. i mean, literally appears, one moment he's not there and the next he's passing me like i'm not moving. i'm doing fourty-five in a fourty. he looked like he was doing at least twenty-five more than me. my front drivers side and his rear passenger side touch and he swerves back into the left hand lane, manages to come back into the middle, across to the right hand lane and slam into the back of the red nissan s.u.v. after he makes an impression on the red nissan, his jeep spins around and says "hi" to the curb, where he comes to rest. i continue for around a hundred feet, pull into the right hand lane and stop my car. my door was a little difficult to get open, but i didn't look at the damage, i headed back towards everyone else. the black jeep (we'll call him bj) immediately starts blaming me for swerving into him. the red nissan (rn) is a lady and has two kids with her. the kids are fine, but she feels faint. there was a fire department truck across 1960, so help is there immediately, i stand quietly while they help the lady and her kids. bj makes a show of everything and disappears after a little. i have a lady come up to me asking if i saw what happened, and i told her i was involved, that i'm the silver car down the road. i told her what i knew and she told me that she had hear bj and someone else talking, she assumed it was bj's friend that said he was doing around a hundred and bj insisted he was doing the speed limit. the guy that she assumed was bj's friend was actually a biker that had been driving him bmw. bj was coming up on the bmw, which was directly behind the white van that i was pulling in front of, in the middle lane. bmw biker (bb) was going to pass the white van, on the left hand side, while bj was coming up on bb. bj swerves around bb, into the turning lane, flys by him and swerves back into the left lane and eventually into me and then rn. bj and bb apparently got into a fight, i'm sure bj was trying to say that he bb was lying. also, bj thought that i was bb, since a silver sentra and a silver bmw are really similar looking cars. i found out most of the stuff from tommy, my very helpful tow-truck driver. some cool mexican guy that told me to take some advil, whcn i explained to him why i wouldn't, he told me about some time when he was in the hospital. he took a pill to help him get to sleep, and he stayed asleep for twenty-six hours. he also told me to give him a call if i needed a ride or anything, and that if he got a call when i was riding along that i'd have to go help him out. tommy and i went to look at speccy-V, since i hadn't taken a damage assesment yet. my front drivers side wheel is pointing inward. so speccy-V is going to be out of commission for around a week. tommy dropped me off at the mall, where:
around six o'clock some fat seventeen-year-old girl walks out the door and sets off the alarm. i yell "ma'am!" from behind the counter, but she keeps walking. i yell "MATTHEW" at the top of my lungs, since he and charity were in the back and give chase. a lady told me she had gone into the store across the hall so i went in there with no sight of her. i found her in limited too, which is right by my store, on the same side of the mall. she opened her purse, where i found the dvd for "meet the robinsons" with no case and saw a martian manhunter action figure, but didn't think anything of it. i figured she dropped the case in the store, so i made her follow me, while i looked for it. i was talking evenly, which i don't usually do with shoplifters and asked her why she didn't stop when the alarm went off. she told it's cause she has bad hearing (our alarm is real loud), i pointed out she had no problem hearing me, with limited too's music being loud and me speaking quietly. i took her back to the store, where matthew had found the case for the movie and the toy and a piece of an mp3 players packaging. i went back to look for the player, thinking she dumped it, but couldn't find it. matthew also tried looking for it. she tried saying she didn't take it and was puzzled as to why we didn't believe her. her two friends walked in and just started talking to her, one of them grabbed her by the arm and started trying to pull her away. well, the manager comes in from limited too, after security had gotten there, she had found a ps2 controller and 'an american tale' dvd in the dressing room, that the girl had gone into. so we add that too it and it brings it from fourty-five to ninety, which automatically equals a night in jail, and since it's saturday that makes it two. the girl is being a smarmy bitch the whole time, just a total prick, like she doesn't care. saying she'll pay for it (like they all do) and that it's no big deal. the officer lady get's there and they all go into the back. i head back there to tell matthew something and i don't see the officer or the girl, but i do hear them and realize they're in the bathroom. matthew points to a box and there's a huge bag of weed sitting on it. she said the officer had searched her and found a small bag, asked if she had anything on her that would poke or cut the officer, and the girl said no. officer lady put her hands in the girls pockets and was immediately poked by some earring. this pissed officer lady off, which lead to them being in the bathroom, where she pretty much strip-searched her, and then found the big bag of weed in her bra. matthew said something around eight ounces of it. he seemed to know a lot about it, from just looking at it. the thing of it is, matthew said be wouldn't of pressed charges, is she hadn't been being such a prick. i absolutely love it when that happens. i think that beats my story of the kid that tried to steal incense and the cop found pot on him.

this has probably been about the craziest week that i've had, at least since i worked at the pawn shop.

and pictures:

my poor little speccy-V.

red nissan, obviously. i had shot of the back, but i accidentally deleted it.

bj. oh, his real wheel broke off, when he contacted the curb, he was sitting on it, until they moved him. that's a 2008 by the way, brand new. he's as much of prick as you might've already thought he was.

this is bj's friend. he showed up after bj disappeared, into the back of a police car, or where-ever. he was going to try to tell me to not take photos, but the trooper told him i can do whatever i want. bj looks just like him. the bmw is biker bmw's. he actually stopped, though he didn't get hit or anything, and told the troopers what had exactly caused it. which is why we know how fast bj was going.

it's brand new, from the looks of it. i hope it's totaled. it's a cherokee, from the looks of it, and they start at thirty thousand. i hope his insurance fucks him.

and through this and my tires getting slashed. still not mad or upset even. jay say's there's only so far i can get, being apathetic. i seem to be doing well enough.

i'm setting myself up again. i know i am. but i'm tired of being afraid. you're supposed to confront your fears. well, my greatest fear is a short mexican girl, that i loved more than anything in the world, and hurt me worse than the sum total of all the pain i've felt in my life. i know i'm setting myself up, because she either won't respond, or she will. and both of those are bound to end up messing with me in some way.

i haven't really talked to her, since everything happened. i checked her myspace a couple times, but have managed to keep myself from doing so, for quite a while. but i do have this habit of reading our old messages, and afterwards i long to talk to her again. to hear her voice, and not have it just be a momentary lapse in memory.

it only took me a couple years, to get to the point where i could talk to mindy... it's been what... a year and nearly four months now? that's a long time to be unhappy. ha, i sound like i'm new to it.

worked out today, it was nice. i don't really so much enjoy it, but it does feel good. to know that i'm working towards making my body healthy (as healthy as it can be now) and not just not doing things that are bad for it.

paulie and i debaged speccy-V. completely removed all the elbem's from the trunk. now if i could only get rid of that key hole. all that's left is the burger on the grill and the "spec-v"'s on the sides. i'd like the put the altima's "se-r" logo back on, but it kind of doesn't look right. i'll take some pics and get some opinion's from a couple people, to see if the coincide with what i'm thinking.

lost my train of thought... it was still focusing on sara, while i was talking about other things, but drifted off to kristi and a couple other things.

i don't think i mentioned that i had found april's old phone number and messaged it. yeah... she didn't want to talk to me. no, no, i think i did mention this... let's see if we can go for two.

i had this dream, where you completely disregarded what i said, and showed back up. well... not really, it was just your voice, this time. and just now, popping up on some website i've never heard of, invited to by someone i haven't talked to in months, you just happen to be on it, and you still make my heart jump.

to be close to you again... to not have to think of you everyday, but to be able to see you.

how far to i have to move, so that i don't have to worry about this anymore?

imperative reaction and vnv nation was tonight. i was really annoyed by the time we arrived, and we probably missed nearly half of imperative's set. if it wasn't for some band opening last minute, we probably would've missed all of it. i got a lot of imperative reaction video, and then i got caught. so i kept the camera put up until the end of vnv nation's set, and tried to keep it hidden, so not much actual footage of them. i did get some of dana dancing, though. sound quality was pretty good, too, which it wasn't last time.

nothing else much going on.

internet is back up. it got hooked up yesterday, but due to some miscommunication i didn't actually have it working until today.

let's see, what have i been up to, since i made it back to houston? nothing much. i've gotten an apartment, which i like. the complex is nice and wide open, with plenty of parking. i would like covered parking, but i can't get it all, with what i can afford. which is five hundred a month, i managed to get a nicer (in my opinion) apartment, than my last one, for the same price. to get an apartment, like my old one in the same complex, it would've cost me five seventy. like i said before, i signed up with an energy company that uses renewable energy. all my electricity is generated from wind. which i feel really good about. it cost a little more, but so what. i'm trying to do other little things, i don't buy much milk, but what i do buy is from a company that's integrated local farmer's and turned their farms into green ones, which sounds kind of redundant. but they're supposed to be super nice to their cows and not use any growth hormones or anything like that.

been working, and thinking about more work. i found the american apparel store, here, which is about the only clothing company that i love. it's probably twenty minutes away, on a good day, but i'd be willing to work part-time there. i have to make an actual resume, though, to turn in.

working for f.y.e. is about the same as working for sam goody. transworld does a couple things that are more retarded than musicland did, but there's not too much difference.

imperative reaction is playing, this weekend. i think i'm going to go.

there's this girl, that sits at a stand in the hall, really gorgeous. i remember her from last time i was here. talking to her makes me really nervous. like eddie izzard, at about two minutes and fifty seconds.

my computer is acting up, again. it's randomly shut down, at least six times, since i got home from work. so six times in three and a half hours. i never can figure out why it does it. i think it has something to do with windows media player 11. kind of sad, that microsofts own app would shut down it's o.s.

okay, i think i should go to bed. goodnight.

i had some lady, ask me today, "do c.d.'s read from the top or the bottom?" i thought she was asking what direction the lense moved, but she was literally asking if the top of the c.d. or the bottom of the c.d. had the data on it.

everything's doing fine.

the lp guy is at ezpawn, because of our audit results. we were originally missing eleven thousand in cost, down to about five thousand, but that's still way too much. he's supposed to be the king of turnover rates. so we're worried about rocky and lance. i'm worried about rocky and lance in the first place. lance doesn't seem to get but one day off, and that ones mandatory, since we're closed, and rocky seems to manage to take three off in one week, not including sunday. and that kind of thing will seriously get people into trouble, not really with their bosses, but with their employees.

i might get paid twice tomorrow, woo! four hun'ed will have to go to speccy-V, and i don't know about the rest. survival? that means driving around, these days, food for speccy-V and not for me.

hannah will be in town tomorrow! my phone is dead right now, and probably won't be working until friday night. so if you have to, stop by ezpawn and say hi. if you get there before four, you should be able to say hi to lance, too.

ooh, not much else to say. i should be able to get my bike and wheels out, in two weeks. so jed, we need to decide where and when we're going to be able to ride. and what our vests will look like.

i accidentally shot cece, in the face, with a toy. i think i barely survived making it home, that night.

i've also become a junior deputy, along with artie, at ezpawn. we stopped a gentleman from stealing a digital camera. we've yet to offically recieve our badges, and i don't know if they're taking us seriously, in our want for them, but we are and we better.

ez pawn kind of day: some skeezy black lady came up from behind me, and started to wrap her hands around me. i jumped and she got scared. she thought i was lance, and apparently she does that kind of thing to the employees there. she's definately not going to be doing that to me. she is a very nasty person, i don't even want to list the things she said she wanted to do, while talking to lance and artie. rocky dropped a customers t.v., in the back, after i had set it in place and he wanted it somewhere else. i was invited to lance's bachelor party, and promised a free lap dance. i turned it down and everyone was shocked!

jed, his friend brandon, and myself went to see clerks II. i enjoyed it a lot. i hope this isn't the last film he does, involving all the new jersey characters.

sometimes, if i lay really still and try not to breathe, i can feel my heartbeat moving my entire body.

running on bravado...

i realized today, that i can't function on four-five hours of sleep, and no food.

are you hoping for a miracle?

you ever get something that you just can't break/squeeze anything out of? but when you finall do, it's a sound like a needle going through cartilage. i like that sound.

very much.