the GP's doubled my medication 'cause apparently my levels of anxiety are preventing me from sleeping properly, so i need to get more monged. 
just had a pleasant evening arguing with father dearest over the nature of freedom in the UK, our part in the invasion of iraq, the history of WW 2 and the role of an officer in the military. hope no one walked past the house at the time as it all got rather heated toward the end.
anyway...passed my first year, starting to read up on land law now. counselling's going well, but still drinking. trying to read Gibson's Spook Country, but not really getting into it yet. he has a distance and isolation as a writer which, although incredibly cool and atmospheric, always leaves me a bit cold until the re-read. also bought training day, great movie. supposed to meet a friend in town, but just feel so exhausted all the time now seem to keep nodding off in work so am in no state to go out. see the GP tomorrow, need to sleep
anyway...passed my first year, starting to read up on land law now. counselling's going well, but still drinking. trying to read Gibson's Spook Country, but not really getting into it yet. he has a distance and isolation as a writer which, although incredibly cool and atmospheric, always leaves me a bit cold until the re-read. also bought training day, great movie. supposed to meet a friend in town, but just feel so exhausted all the time now seem to keep nodding off in work so am in no state to go out. see the GP tomorrow, need to sleep
blah blah blah blah
6 weeks to exams and i can't get motivated to revise. bugger! then again, it's just too f***in' nice to worry about stuff like that at the moment.
anyway, new nin tomorrow! don't really have the money to pay for it, but what the hey........
6 weeks to exams and i can't get motivated to revise. bugger! then again, it's just too f***in' nice to worry about stuff like that at the moment.
anyway, new nin tomorrow! don't really have the money to pay for it, but what the hey........
nothing interesting happened today.
i think i might shave my hair this weekend.
i still find the study of public law to be strangley interesting, the rest i'm generallly blagging. the exams should be fun.
i miss rachel & ben. i feel like i'm missing a large part of my life, whether it's wiith them or someone else.
guess that's something i have to get used to
i think i might shave my hair this weekend.
i still find the study of public law to be strangley interesting, the rest i'm generallly blagging. the exams should be fun.
i miss rachel & ben. i feel like i'm missing a large part of my life, whether it's wiith them or someone else.
guess that's something i have to get used to
had my alcohol dependancy meeting today. spent an hour just talking, about the drink, work, my life at the moment, the feelings of pressure resulting from the pressure i put myself under, the lack of self confidence, how i get on with my family, my inability to form social connections easily, debts, etc, etc. by the time i left my legs were trembling.
apparently i drink about three times the average recommended weekly alcohol amount and it's my relative youth that's preventing any serious fuck-ups. obviously this safety net will disappear over time, which isn't exactly headlne news. it appears as though i have a number of 'psychological difficulties' that need to be dealt with so i'm going to get some counselling, etc, etc and see how it goes.
i'm not sure how i'm going to square this with work. tell them the truth or skip the booze part and go for the therapy angle? i've only been there three months!
still, it was a weirdly good experience. as i was waiting to be seen i got chatting to claire, another 'patient'. she'd been dry for 12 months (!) and was classic example of someone who used to wake-up and start drinking. her openness and friendliness was really affirming. the way she assured me this was the right thing to do, and that i should just be honest, really helped. maybe it was just the environment, i mean neither of us would've been there if we didn't have similar problems. i definitely felt more at ease.
it's not always easy to talk to others about stuff like this. there's a lot of stigma still surrounding dependancy problems, especially when you start talking about the issues behind them. are you a drunk or a psycho freak?
apparently i drink about three times the average recommended weekly alcohol amount and it's my relative youth that's preventing any serious fuck-ups. obviously this safety net will disappear over time, which isn't exactly headlne news. it appears as though i have a number of 'psychological difficulties' that need to be dealt with so i'm going to get some counselling, etc, etc and see how it goes.
i'm not sure how i'm going to square this with work. tell them the truth or skip the booze part and go for the therapy angle? i've only been there three months!
still, it was a weirdly good experience. as i was waiting to be seen i got chatting to claire, another 'patient'. she'd been dry for 12 months (!) and was classic example of someone who used to wake-up and start drinking. her openness and friendliness was really affirming. the way she assured me this was the right thing to do, and that i should just be honest, really helped. maybe it was just the environment, i mean neither of us would've been there if we didn't have similar problems. i definitely felt more at ease.
it's not always easy to talk to others about stuff like this. there's a lot of stigma still surrounding dependancy problems, especially when you start talking about the issues behind them. are you a drunk or a psycho freak?
gggrrrrr.....balls to all this. it's a fucking joke but it's not particularly funny anymore. got my alcohol abuse councillor meeting on thursday, work is really beginning to piss me off and'm starting to pick fights with customers which is pathetic. rachel seems to be involved with some homeless, jobless scrote who doesn't seem to get on with ben and she doesn't get on with particularly well wth either.. you'd think by now i'd be over this shit but it just does my head in still that i've been such a fool for so long. the fact that i thought for so long that i was important to her. fuck it.
i have 4000 words to do for monday on the free movement of workers within the european union and i don't understand it. the last weeks' work experience at bromleys was definitely good, made me feel like i could do it as a career, but all the crap that's here now to deal with is distracting. there's too much geting in the way and distracting me that i can't concentrate. i should've followed rob n sandra to thailand.
had a good saturday. went into town with natalie and met up wih a lot of friends. the marble arch, cord bar,bar fringe, rodeo bar and some chinese restaurant. had a lot of fun until the next morning when i crashed at nat's and her ex-boyfriend (the 6'+ bricky) decided to let himself in at 8.30 in the morning. we were both dressed n stuff but that didn't exactly ease my nerves or the hangover.
11st 2lb. listening to pavement, jimi hendrix (axis...), and new radicals. isn't full metal jacket a great film?
i have 4000 words to do for monday on the free movement of workers within the european union and i don't understand it. the last weeks' work experience at bromleys was definitely good, made me feel like i could do it as a career, but all the crap that's here now to deal with is distracting. there's too much geting in the way and distracting me that i can't concentrate. i should've followed rob n sandra to thailand.
had a good saturday. went into town with natalie and met up wih a lot of friends. the marble arch, cord bar,bar fringe, rodeo bar and some chinese restaurant. had a lot of fun until the next morning when i crashed at nat's and her ex-boyfriend (the 6'+ bricky) decided to let himself in at 8.30 in the morning. we were both dressed n stuff but that didn't exactly ease my nerves or the hangover.
11st 2lb. listening to pavement, jimi hendrix (axis...), and new radicals. isn't full metal jacket a great film?
don't know what's the matter at the moment, but i can't stop thinking about sex! it's always the ****ing way, as soon as you don't have easy access you end up like a walking hard-on. 
So manchester gets the first UK super casino! great! because the area really needs more debt problems, stupid & unrealistic hopes, insolvencies, gambling related crime, and minimum wage jobs. and lets be honest, you give a city in the UK unlimited jackpot gambling and free drinks? endless pissed-up violence at all hours of the day and random muggings in the immediate vicinity increase dramatically. great!!!!
i've gone back on adultfriendfinder after last time, but i just seem to get men contacting me! do i give off a vibe or something?
i've gone back on adultfriendfinder after last time, but i just seem to get men contacting me! do i give off a vibe or something?
