Doesn't everyone always have that "one person" that they just can't get out of their mind. I guess you could almost call it "the one that got away". I don't really have many of those in my life. When I have a crush, I just have a way of making it work, no matter what. Until about 2 years ago. I found that person for me. I thought he was so gorgeous, and so funny. And he thinks that I'm beautiful and intelligent. Everything about the situation just makes you think that it should work. So I tried, and tried more. And tried alot more, and even REALLY messed things up along the way. And for 2 years the attraction we have to each other through everything has been the big pink elephant in the room every time we are together.

Everyone always wants the happy ending. I think we're conditioned to think that it's what we should expect. We get that idea from every Disney movie, every chick flick impossible romance movie, and even some of our favorite TV shows. But the reality of the matter is that it's not a guarantee. Everything sounds good on paper until you add the "real-life" aspect. Sometimes the people you care about hurt you, and sometimes they're not sorry. Sometimes you're that person that the audience is shaking their heads at, and yelling directions to. And even though you don't want to think about it, you could fall in love with someone who will never love you back, no matter what.

And I really have been aware of all that. But somehow it's never changed my idea that it would all just work out. I just thought it would play out differently, that I might have had to wait longer than some people for my Prince Charming to grow up and come find me, and then everything over the past couple years would have been worth it. I don't think that's gonna happen, so I guess that's reality.

Ok, i've come to some recent decisions lately:

1. Fuck dating . . . i'm just aiming for some cheap thrills at this point

2. New Tattoo . . . not sure where, have a great idea of what, but will happen soon

3. Another piercing. . . getting one done with the roomie. whoo hoo!

4. School sucks. . . period.

5. Need more money. . . still working the "hows" out in my head.

that's all for now

Ah, so an update on the job. . . much better now. There was alot of discussion between me and management, and alot got resolved through talking, imagine that. And it doesn't hurt that the last two weeks I've got to drink on the job. We did shots of SoCo the day before Thanksgiving since management left early. And Thursday was a big party, so there was an open bar, lots of food, live band (Gypsy Strings), DJ, multiple game rooms (wii and ps2), and a masseuse. And a fooseball table (i kicked ass, btw).

So, what I should be doing is homework since I have finals tomorrow. But, I keep thinking about my weekend. I went on a date on Friday. It was horrible. This guy could not stop talking about himself. Seriously, for like hours, all I heard about was his job (as an elementary school gym teacher) and his life. Now, I've known him for a while. He was a high school crush, and we haven't seen each other in years. So, I thought that at some point he may be interested in what I've been doing since high school (alot, duh). But no, I get to hear about 1st graders for 25 minutes. What a shame, I could have been at home in my pj's watching my shows, too.

I guess the thing that was most disappointing about the whole thing is that he didn't have one interesting thing to say. He seriously wasn't in tune enough with any other relevant topic, like politics, movies, careers, anything other adults use to have a coherent conversation. I used the word "subtly" and it confused him. seriously.

Oh well, I guess I just get the good ones

Sooo. . . Let me put a little situation out here. Say you dating someone for a while. After some time, and some rough experiences everything loses its magic. You think that there may be better opportunities elsewhere. So you look around, slowly breaking away from your significant other, and find something that seems exciting, and definitely different. Not like, dating another gender different, but you get the idea. So you tell your lover, and they react calmly at first. A little too calmly. But you keep going on, you know, you're at the part where you're packing up your stuff and you get a call. The person on the other line tells you that this new person you're interested in has moved on and they don't want you anymore. In fact, they want nothing to do with you. When you begin to question what happened so suddenly, you find out that your ex is the conspirator. That they purposely ruined your new relationship just to keep you. So that you wouldn't have anything but them.

Now, since I like, LOVE analogies, this is what this story is about. I found a new job. I quit the one I had. They found out where I was going, called the new place, and most likely threatened legal action over a "non-compete" contract, which technically won't stand in court anyways since it is highly unreasonable. Now, what the fuck would motivate an employer to take such an action? I seriously have spent the better part of the day thinking about this. And don't get me wrong, I wasn't going to a direct competitor, or client, I didn't even ask for a counter offer (which they didn't offer anyways). If they knew I was unhappy, why wouldn't they just let me go? And I truly don't feel that this is paranoia, as this exact incident happened to a girl last year as well.

Mostly I'm just frustrated over the situation. To be honest, I wasn't crazy about the new job, but I was ready to try something else. But obviously that step is going to be alot harder for me now. Today has just been a miserable day

I know its Monday, but I cannot possibly wait until the weekend to start drinking. seriously.

Is it really possible to be friends with an ex? You would think that there was (hopefully) something other than sex that brought you together in the first place. It would be nice if you could retain some of that companionship somewhere. Why does it have to turn into, "You don't want to fuck my anymore, so I'm not interested in talking to you?"Obviously you guys had a good time, or you wouldn't have stayed together.

Is it because of hurt feelings? Does the rejection from your lover force most people to shut out any future chance for pain? I mean personally, my reasons have been mostly selfish. I stopped talking to one because he was incredibly self-centered and depressive, and he tended to take me for granted. Plus, I wanted him to realize everything he lost, but because of previously mentioned personality flaws, lets just say that never happened. I can't talk to the other because honestly, I still have feelings for him and can't stand to a.) watch him play me over and over and b.) see him end up with someone else, god forbid not as pretty, smart and funny as me. (I call that confidence and jealousy, thank you)

I think that its easier if two people just end up not having romantic feelings for each other anymore. But, let's face it, that's most likely the case for something like 4% of ex-lovers. In the end, it always comes down to someone stopped liking the other first. I just hate the fact that the only reason we have to meet members of the opposite sex is for sex. Why can nothing exist afterward?

lemme give you an idea of what i'm looking for. . .

someone fun, who loves to laugh and has a fantastic sense of humor. Someone who can make me laugh when I'm trying to make him mad.

someone who LOVES having sex, and I mean all the time, and is creative enough to know that it doesn't just belong in the bedroom. Being open-minded is a huge plus.

someone with ambition, who isn't happy just taking the straight road just because it's easier. Have a goal, better yourself, and enjoy the fucking ride!

someone spontaneous, who isn't tied down to any particular city or scene.

someone who will pick a damn restaurant when I tell him I want to go out to eat!

creativity and intelligence are non-negotiable qualities. I want someone that i can have ridiculous and meaningful conversations with.

Is this too much to ask? why does it seem so hard to find? I think i'm done with dating for a bit.

what the hell is up with people asking you to do things and never saying thank you? who does that? i think that is one of the things that annoys me most with working with the public. they automatically assume that you are their bitch.

it makes me sad for these people that they are so self-centered. and then they have children, and the process starts all over. I don''t mean to bitch, it's just one of those moments.

and, nobody read this so it doesn't really matter