Won't some cute female just stoop to my level long enough to take me out to dinner, a movie or what ever. So we can flirt and have fun for a little shile and then I can go back to my lonely mundane sci-fi filled life. Is it really too much to ask. I hate bars, parties and drunken or otherwise inebriated idiots so it is becomeing so hard to find a female to just socialize with. Despite what my spiteful exes may tell you I'm fun, nice and sweet hearted. Sure I get angry like everyone else but atleast I'm straight forward about it instead of playing immature passive aggressive bullshit games. So if anyone reading this wants to chance spending a few hours with me or knows of someone that would seriously please respond. EVen my kitty is getting bored of me being around all the time. I mean it's a very nicew day for a walk.

No one loves me in the sense that I have no one to hang out with.

Bleh.

I've reached the ultimate low for a nerd such as myself: I'm so broke I sold my PC. I've finally acquired a job but the previous 40+ days of joblessness is still having its way with my gaping financial anus. Hopefully within a few weeks I will be in a position to purchase a low end PC.

My 1st spare $50 will be going towards one of these P3 600mhz IBM machines an acquaintence of mine has but until then my online time will be drastically and tragically sparse. That is unless some random sugarperson blesses me with some no strings attached computage or financiage or whatever else sort of -age allows me access to the Internet sooner than my solitary finances dictate.

If anyone has a spare older PC they want to get rid of let me know. I can't believe I'm actually at a point in my life that I wish I hadn't thrown out a PII 233 mhz PC.

You can direct the inevitable copius flood of computer hardware to my home:
Al Roberts
3015 Watson Blvd.
Endwell, NY 13760

Ooops almost forgot the paypal deluge can be directed here:
bobbrobb@stny.rr.com

Cmon generous millionaires of the Internet world. You know if my tits were bigger, I had no penis and I was actually pretty this just might work.

Anyway I hope to be back sooner rather than later.

A little something I wrote in honor of the frustruation, heartache and loss I feel now:

Too Little, Too Late, Too Often
I miss tasting the sweet heat of passion on your breath,
the elegant, firm, supple and proud curve of your breasts,
I still can feel my hands tracing them from their origin on your chest,
quickly up and around their unique arcs,
to their tips, the nipples with their nerves ,
electricfying underneath the skin,
waiting for grounding and redirection.
I miss your eyes and the deep understanding,
we shared when we could stare into each other,
I'd never done that before,
Until you made me feel loved and accepted,
Your body made me feel welcome,
I was wanted by you, all of you,
the sweet, easing embrace of your yoni,
patient and yearning for me,
was macrocosmically manifest by your warm, strong arms,
wrapping around me, touching me, holding me,
drawing me closer,
I could feel your life is on your breath,
I could feel the throbbing of your heart,
Underneath your lips,
Blood flush with endorphins and pheremones,
Telling us we belonged there,
Performing this cosmic, timeless prayer,
So that the universe might know joy and communion,
Through the balance, passion and understanding,
Only you and I were there,
In my mind and my heart,
I was always pure to you,
Never has self-sacrifice and giving meant,
As much as it did when we embraced like,
Only we as lovers could.




(c) Al Roberts 2005

One of the worst feelings in the world is being up late at night, zoning out and beginning to think about crawling into bed with your significant other. You think about how they will feel all nice, warm and soft then you realize you broke up a few days ago and she isn't there and likely won't be ever again.

Just broke up with my girlfriend of about 5 years. It's too much pain for my little heart to bear alone so I"m glad I have my kitty, Beastie to assist in the grieving process. She's moving out right now.

I listened to Fugazi's In On The Kill Taker today for the 1st time in awhile. Between the dip of my consumption of my prescription meds (opiate based pain killers) and my personal emotional connotations attached to the songs I was actually brought to tears by their guitars' timbre. I've always found their guitars beautiful, sad and powerful especially on this album. Their feedback, pitch bends and Marshall amps have a strong resonance with me that's always vibrated straight to the core of my being. I desperately want to hear them live again.

Yay! I'm not a particularly vain or superficial person but I feel so happy that I've finally lost most of my excessive weight. Historically I've been a rather svelte fellow so I never felt quite comfortable weighing as much as I have over the past few years.

My internal perception of myself was radically different from my actual appearance. In fact unless I was directly confronted with my body I pretty much forgot I was fat. Having my gut knock the wind out of me while tying your shoes has a surprisingly adverse affect on my self-esteem.

Now it's so nice to be able to see an instinctive smile flash across my face when I catch my reflection in a mirror. Goodbye double chin, jowls and other unwelcome side effects from my previous sedentary work at home life.

Since I figure by default I must believe in something I reason that the best course of action regarding my personal beliefs is to search out positive useful beliefs or dogma (in the personal sense). I'm not too attached to any thing I've settled on so far though because it is my experience that the universe is full of subtle surprises that can completely reverse long and common held beliefs.

The essay I just added to my web site is about one of my personal beliefs that of universal wholeness. Check it out and let me know what you think. Good or bad. Although the bad will make me cry.

The essay can be found under the writings section on my site