I hate the bus.
In fact I hate all public transportation. Im always filled with the need to take a Silkwood shower whenever I take the bus or the train or anything. The experience never fails to make me ill. Ive thought about this for a while and Ive come to the conclusion that I just dont like other people.
I haven't taken the bus in years and years. And, strangely enough, the last time I took the bus home from Port Authority at night was after I saw Guns N' Roses at Madison Square Garden in 1989. I'll tell you in a minute why that's so strange.
Tonight, however, I lent my car to a friend who was moving . I planned to spend Sunday night at home, but then I got bored. Kathy didn't want to go anywhere but I decided that I wanted to go out. The only way to do this was by bus.
Sigh.
So I took the bus into the city (uneventfully enough) , hung out with my friend Nikki, and prepared for my journey home.
I get to Port Authority at about 12:30. After going to the wrong terminal several times I finally located the right one and got on line for the 1:20 bus. There was a huge crowd there-mostly people younger than me. In the time I spent on line, I was asked if the bus I was waiting for went to Hoboken, Atlantic City, Philly, Newark, Patterson, and a few other places. After a while I was wondering if I was in right line.
But I was, and the bus finally pulled up. Like I said, there were a lot of people there especially for a Sunday night. And not only was the bus completely filled within a second, but the middle isle was completely packed also.
I managed to get a seat, though. So I'm sitting on this packed next to a woman who kept sighing deeply and sipping from a Starbucks Coffee. Behind me are two guys who look around twenty. It's still not clear to me if they knew each other either.
The bus pulls out, and there are NO overhead lights on at all. We're packed like sardines in the dark. From the back someone yelled, "Can I get an overhead light on please?"
The bus driver responded by saying , "Mddksjkfjurks" over the PA.
One of the kids behind me says to the other, out of nowhere "Dude, Guns and Roses rock.
The other responds by saying, Dude I saw their reunion show two years ago at Madison Square Garden."
My ears perked up. I love Guns and Roses and would love to have gone to that show. (Please no comments from the peanut gallery.) Its become legendary because it was gonna be the start of the NEW GnR but the tour was cancelled within like 3 shows because Axl went crazy. Again.
"Yeah, how was it?"
"Pretty cool. Axl showed up."
"Was Slash there?"
"No dude. Buckethead."
"Dude."
"Yeah."
"Buckethead's an awesome guitarist," chimed in someone sitting across the isle. Apparently I wasn't the only one eavesdropping.
"Were you there?"
"Yeah. Fuckin' rocked."
"Was Duff there?"
"No, man. Whole new band. Except Axl."
"He's and asshole."
"Dude. He sounded ok."
"Hhdkajjkluklds "said the busdriver over the PA.
"What he say?" asked Gn' R guy #1.
"I think he's talking, like, KIingon and shit. Alien shit."
"Yeah."
"Can I have an overhead light, please?" asked the guy from the back.
"So it was cool?" Asked kid #2.
"Yeah. I won the tickets on K-Rock"
"That's cool"
"Yeah, I was calling to win tickets to the White Stripes and the Stars and shit. But I got Guns and Roses. It was all good though."
"You mean The Strokes?"
"Yeah. That shit."
"Dude."
"Mederlarss" Said the bus driver. I was beginning to understand him. I think he said,"Meadowlands"- the stop we were passing.
"Dude. Where are we?"
"Dude."
"Where do you live?"
"Hasbrook Heights. What about you?"
"Paramus."
"Dude."
"Where are we?"
"By the WAWA. I'm by my friend George's house and shit."
"Eazzruudderfirg." Said the bus driver. "East Rutherford, "I translated to myself.
"Dude, is that English?"
"Some shit."
"Did Buckethead have a bucket on his head?"
"Yeah, dude. He fucking rocks. He and Slash should start a band."
"How did he play?"
"With a KFC bucket on his head."
"How did he see?"
"Dude. I don't know."
"Carlszat" The Bus Driver again. (Which translates as "Carlstadt"- the town next to mine.)
"Dude, did he just say, "ballsack"?
"I think he did."
"Why would the bus driver say "Ballsack?"
"I don't know. Some crazy shit."
"Dude. I have to get up in four hours for school."
I'm wondering where this guy could POSSIBLY go to school.
"At 6 in the morning?"
"Yeah, man."
"That sucks. What do they teach you at 6 in the morning?"
"No man, I'm a teacher. At Becton. I got papers to grade and shit."
"Dude."
Perfect.
That was my bus ride home.
VIEW 25 of 41 COMMENTS
severus:
Chris, I love you, but you ARE insane ! Haha! Oh my god, I'll listen to the cover CD today! Because... yeah I got it in the mail today, and the script! And maybe a third package from you to go and pick up at the post terminal . The sky is clear blue today too and I'm all right. Hope you had a good night last night, I really need to get some work done today
severus:
the best of little steven cd is FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!