Good luck on the sugermamma

I'm pretty shy at first. I get nervous talking to people, that I'm gonna say something off the wall and they'll be like "wtf this girl is crazy and I don't want to hang out with her". I wanna be friends with you IRL too though. We should hang.

Yay for long-winded responses and iced tea:

I related to this friendship trouble a lot. I never have trouble collecting acquaintances but in the main I don't ever run into any lasting friends with whom I have very much in common. I seem to have hit some sort of unwritten quota a few years ago and no matter what my effort wherever I have moved, I can't seem to get a friendship to stick. Maybe that simply means that the friends I made prior to that were found, made, kept by sheer dumb luck. I think my personality, though not shy, also can run caustic or abrasive due largely (I believe) to the combination of being laid-back and academic and a bit aberrant (tap-dancing in the lobby of the four star hotel my friends staid in when they came to visit me more or less ended up with my best friend tickled and his boyfriend, mortified.) My lack of what some people have described as a "don't do that" switch alienates most other people who do not suffer the same blessing of a lack of embarrassment. Those I meet who have something socially in common with me rarely have anything to do with me intellectually and visa versa. I think that the combination of being bookish and eccentric can be odd and off-putting and though I don't think that the combination is necessarily rare it doesn't seem to be the prescribed path. Also, I have a very very low tolerance for bullshit that doesn't sync too well with being friendship material for a lot of the population.
I haven't yet sussed out a solution to what seems to be my inability to make new friends. I more or less call those I've had for 5 - 10 years or more and manage most things by myself.
I'm aware that much of my not having friends is because I never try to keep these little friendships going so that probably condemns me to it but I have found that I more value the friends I have that I made without effort than the concept of winning masses with effort and ambition. Knowing the decision element of this, the fact that I could befriend people who don't read books for pleasure and stimulation or study concepts out of curiosity and for fun. I could easily have a group of those who would never debate philosophy with me nor understand the perspective of the world some of us nourish in contrast to the ideals and principles I encounter more often than the question mark, so to speak.

Bon chance and shit about it but maybe it is for you, as it is for me, possibly for the best in one way or another.

Mike.. i wish i was irl friends

Lol!!! Well get ready to fill canvas with children's drawings!!!!