I've come back after more than a year off the site.

Things are looking pretty good, I must admit.
Totally worth the $29 I spent for another year.

So much has happened... mostly bullshit.

But I'm glad I still have friends who care about me.
That makes the pain worth tolerating.

Time to look at some nekkid ladies.

I have not been on here in fucking forever.

Wow, so much has changed in 2+ years. Sad, sad sad.

Good to see this place is still beautiful.

I miss my fucking hair.

Is it just this time of year?
Is it the impending dread of the holidays and the inescapable time I have to spend with my less-than-familylike "family"?
What the hell is it that's making me wake up every day for the past week feeling so goddamn exhuasted and run-down?

I'm not sick, as far as I know, and I don't have any signs of migrating in that direction.
Every day I just feel progressively robbed of energy and not restored.
I barely even drink anymore, so what the fuck?
It's blarghtacular.

I'm starting to consider going back to see a headcasebrain quack.
Not something I ever looked forward to again, but I just can't explain this lack of any kind of spark.
I suppose we shall see.

Oh, also, and I doubt this will even be an issue, but please NO ONE bother feeling like they should get me anything for Christmas/Hanukkah whatever. I'm too poor to return the favor and I'll just end up feeling like an asshole. So thanks...

I'm going to go get dressed now and pretend I have anything to do with my day.
Suggestions are welcome.

Everything I've ever read or researched about my personality characteristics and INTJ status supports the fact that I'm really not very good at giving a shit about other humans at all.

This makes it incredibly difficult for me to fathom why she seems to be so convinced that I'm the best human with a penis that she's ever come across.

Girls are weirdos.
All of you.

It's starting to feel like a good time for murder again.

I think... feeling stupid... feeling like you missed something you know you should have caught, is the worst fucking feeling in the world.

Life has been rather... complicated lately.

I've decided that I must just be growing ever more weary of humans and the erratic switchfooting so many misfired synapes produce. I hold no anger, a duly admitted first for me... just that faint hope that a lot of human tendencies will replenish improved, and we all may grow and wake up.

I've acquired a new full time profession, which I'm actually enjoying very much. I build things, all day, out of metal. I shape, cut, hammer, construct and generally manipulate metal all day long. This is very, very fun for me, and it actually makes working a 55 hour week not only without pain, but fun.

My living situation is set to change once again very soon. I'm sincerely looking forward to the better surroundings, and the long-languished stability which has needed to occupy a sincere and cavernous void of such in the past. And this house is just fucking amazing. My bedroom is even bigger than my last one, which was by all accounts ridiculously bountiful in space.

Things with a certain beautiful blonde girl are going quite swimmingly, and that alone makes the burden of daily existence more bearable by means I cannot even measure. I'd long, long fucking ago forgotten how far the simple comfort of someone asking "how have you been today, baby?" and actually not only expecting an answer, but genuinely wanting to know, can go for another slab of mortar in what's always been an incredibly cracked foundation of peace of mind for me. It's nice. I still don't beleive it, or really even fully trust it, but it's very, very nice, and I'm glad the feeling, as well as her company are things I have the distinct privelege of enjoying.

Ah, anyway... I reckon it's time I showered off all the metal dust that covers my skin at the end of the day and leave a nice layer of metallic filaments all over the drain of Jake's bathtub. Oh, the simple pleasures.

More to come when I get settled in, I reckon.


Life really ain't so bad right about now.

Went down with Kirk and met up with Christine and Amanda to see the lady work last night.
I invariably feel horribly uncomfortable in strip clubs; thankfully she was sitting right inside the door when we went in.
Something quite gratifying about the way she immediately jumped up to hug me as soon as she saw me.
The start of good evening.

She took the stage about five minutes after we arrived and took a few seats up front.
And then proceeded to completely and pleasurably blow my mind.
This was an intense visual exercise in sweetness by all possible accounts.

I fear I must admit though, the most enjoyable moments came elsewhere.
In the looks on the faces of all the little boys who just emptied their wallets on her when she leaves the stage and comes to sit next to me.
In the murderous glances directed in a straight line to me when the guy four seats down hears her say "baby can you watch my purse?" to me because it's full of all the money he just dropped on a lap dance.
The best I really must say was in the several agonized and jealous glares from all the stupid yeah-dudes and dude-guys when I get up to leave and she rushes to give me a few long hugs, a kiss goodbye and to tell me she'll be right over after work.

Then she comes home to my bed, with a purse crammed to bursting with all the money you poor saps worked like a bunch of niggers all week long to get.
God, it's good to feel like a king of men among putrid insects.
Thanks for all your support, fellas!

Life is pretty damn good right now.
I only pray my halo is high enough to let these days last as long as they're able.

Drama.
An honorable man risen so beyond the height of his halo cast into such a vile pit of undeserved misery.

I can't begin to calculate the multitude of shards one heart can be shredded into.
Loved like a blood brother, "I only pray heaven knows when to lift you out."

Here's hoping the fates can untwist and reconnect this disjointed and gone awry lifeline.

Man, did my birthday ever fucking 0wnz0r.

Three solid days of free booze, chemicals, good friends, (save one whose basement I lived in for a year who didn't even remember and couldn't be bothered to show up and hang out with me,) and the company of several beautiful ladies (one in particular I've been enjoying immensely lately...) made the entire span a fucking vacation in Nirvana.

Oh, and way to fucking remember, Katie! You douchebag. That's alright though, you never even remembered when we were together. Fucker. You suck with dates. I'll let it slide this time, though. I'll send you a poop in the mail on the 7th. Haha.

This past weekend has sure beat the fucking crap out of all the other shit I get to deal with this month. On the upside though, I found a place to store my shit, maybe even live temporarily if I have to till I can get back into a place of my own. I'm really hoping Riverview Gardens works out with Jill though. That'd be fucking amazing and I wouldn't have to clean up after ANYONE BUT MYSELF, EVER AGAIN.

Cross your fingers and hope the best for me, fuckers and perverts!


Also, just as a side note: This girl fucking rules.

An eviction notice was not the way I wanted to start my day.

I honestly can't remember the last time I felt this depressed.
I've spent the day just trying not break down.
I don't want to fucking do this anymore.

I'm so tired of trying just for it to always be a pointless effort.
I really, really just want to fucking give up.

Help me.