How did it get so cold and rainy so quick! Bah!

I didn't "leave", I just failed to renew. I'll see how it goes this time around. After all, it's free. However, considering the management's cunning way of getting people back involves lying to them and telling them one of their old friends bought them membership again, I don't think I'll be staying. That sort of sneaky shite shouldn't be rewarded with custom.

On a more positive note, It's good to see a few familiar faces! Perhaps I should stop being such a misanthrope and socialise on here at least a bit. I remembered I liked the groups I was a member of. I wonder how many never kicked me out for inactivity!?

X

Well, apparently some beneficent person bought me membership again.

Are you out there? Own up immediately! Actually, please do own up, as being rather cynical I wonder if it isn't simply a promotion from the site to drag one back in to the fold. Cunning as they no doubt are.

I didn't ever think I'd find myself back here. It's surreal, but also quite comforting that of my rather reduced friends list, most are still here. I kind of expected there to be more of a drop off.

Also, I'm now nearly 31, so can fulfil my life long ambition of joining the "old farts" group. That oh so suits me.

If anyone actually replies to this they get a big fat gold star.

This feels odd indeed.

In case you haven't noticed, I've had very little to say recently. This isn't actually that I've been avoiding the place or anything of that ilk, but simply that I haven't really been in the mood. Non communicative, etc.

I have been really busy recently, but not so busy that I've been too exhausted or pre-occupied to log in.

My general mood is... middling.

I'm working hard. Things are tough, credit crunch etc, but so far I can work my way out of trouble. I feel lucky for that.

Why is it that the things you really want are never as sweet as they should be once you actually attain them?

Thought for the week: If it looked crap in the 80's it probably looks even more crap now, and you've got the benefit of hindsight. Don't wear T-shirts and leggings.

I hope you're all doing well. Tell me some news! X

Over the many years of being on this site I've seen many friends log in and check out with a final "why I now hate SG" post. I sort of promised myself I'd never do that. After all, I've always had a sort of ambivalence towards this place and didn't really feel the need to force my disparaging opinions on anyone else. However, increasingly now, whenever I log in here, I wonder why I bothered.

Perhaps I'm just older and less in touch, or perhaps I don't get much out of this place because, lets face it, I don't put much in, but I have noticed a number of things.

1. My friends list gets smaller and smaller. This is because most of the people on it are inactive or grey. I don't really find the new (and when i say new I mean three year old) layout conducive towards meeting new people,
2. I don't blog enough, and even if I did there are precious few to read it.
3. The average SGer nowadays has so much less in common with me than they used to (partly because I have changed, partly because the demographic has changed).
4. If you're a hopeful or an SG and your last three or more blogs have been about what set(s) you are planning or shooting then you are a very boring person and need to rethink your life.
5. The people who run this site are not very nice.
6. I keep on getting friends requests from people who've never bothered to comment on my profile or, most likely, even bothered to read it. Most of these are hopefuls of course. Spamtastic.
7. Most sets nowadays are glossy... and boring.
8. Alternative is the new mainstream. When I was younger the alternative scene was the preserve of intelligent free thinking people who had something to say. Nowadays it's just another club to join, often because the cool kids won't let you join theirs. This is why so many SG's are spiteful bitches: now they've found their minor celebrity status they're going to milk it for all they can in order to make up for the years that they were the person being picked on, not the picker. How nice.

This place has turned in to an 'alternative' myspace with tits. The only reason I am here is because there are a precious few people I care about on here, and want to keep in touch with. They too are getting fewer and fewer, and a number are either on my facebook or i actually speak to in the real world. My reasons for staying are getting fewer and fewer.

It's not all bad though. I've made some great friends, and met some wonderful people. One person in particular (she knows who she is) I feel exceptionally lucky to have met and been in a relationship with. Despite the fact that it's no longer the case I'm happy to say we're still friends, which is fantastic- as fantastic as she is.
I've had a lot of fun and learned loads in the photography group. The UK politics group has had its moments as well, although it's far less active.

This isn't my goodbye speech. This is my "I'm not always sure why I'm here" speech. I'm not going anywhere just yet .

Normal service resumed boys and girls. Apologies for the last blog. I logged in under the influence, was feeling in a petulant mood and unleashed a bit of winging. I then, of course, proceeded to stay off the site and didn't reply to the few of you lovely people who were kind enough to inquire after my well being. Don't think me ungrateful just because I acted like I was!

Anyway, life. Blah. Can't be bothered with all that. It's been a pretty rough few months. I've let that bleed in to my work, which in the current climate hasn't been going too marvellously anyway, a string of bad luck to really drive home the feeling that the world is conspiring against me. Pah. Not going to run with any of it. This is the bottom of the curve.

This week I have, at least, made good progress in sorting out some of the mess. I've got a few work projects which are finally getting sorted- new products I'm almost ready to start marketing. Managed to clear some of the administrative crap as well, and catch up on a few things I was letting slide. All good stuff. I feel happy about what I've got done this week, which is the first time in ages.

In other news there is no news. Nothing cheerful enough to be worth repeating anyway. Oh, I was passing St Pauls Cathedral with a friend who I met for coffee to discuss a business idea she's had. It's a pretty good church, has to be said. Still not as impressive as the Cathedral in Budapest though. My preference is for Gothic cathedrals though. I think you've got to go a long way to beat Yorkminster.

Churches? How random!

I need to track down some culture. It's been far too long. Who's with me?

Blah blah blah.

Fuck it all frankly.

Enough of misery-blog. I'm going to do better at being cheerful, or at least pretending I'm cheerful.

Ok, so in the interests of being positive I:

1 ...am busy at the moment. Work is ok, I'm treading water but in todays climate that's as well as I can expect. I'm almost entirely on top of my paperwork too, which is magic.

2 ... have got my new cufflink designs made and they're being hallmarked as we speak. They look good. I'm hoping I'll be able to sell them quite well, as they are credit crunch prices.

3 ... am setting up a marine aquarium (3b, I know: will the limits of my nerdyness never end?) and while I'm fiddling around with that I almost forget the rest of the world exists.

4... went to the Royal Albert Hall last night to see a screening of Lord of the Rings with the London Philharmonic Orchestra playing the soundtrack live, which was fantastic. (see 3b).


Life could be a lot worse. It really could. I'm still feeling pretty shit though, and my two best friends are away at the moment: one in the US and the other up north visiting family. I've got other friends of course, but those are the two that I'm most likely to hash out how I feel about stuff with, so there's not as much of that as there could be.
I'm usually quite a private person when it comes to my feelings, relationships etc. It's typical though, that normally I never want to talk about stuff like that and my friends have to squeeze it out of me, and the one time I actually do want to talk they're not around. The Irony eh?

Hope you're all well out there in the four corners of the globe. What good thing has happened to you this week?

Life is a fucking bitch sometimes. I wish you could let someone inside your head and rather than try and describe exactly how you feel and what you feel about them using crude words they could just grasp it totally, and see the world through your eyes for just a second or two.

I know she'd feel better if she could do that.

I feel pretty horrible at the moment. It's a breakup if you haven't worked it out by now. I've got no intention of hashing out the details in a public place like this, but suffice it to say, sometimes love isn't enough, and it's better for all concerned to see the writing on the wall and act accordingly. I feel loss too, because the person in question is a wonderful amazing person who I love spending time with, but just know that long term it's not going to work out. I know myself too well nowadays, and I've never been good at burying my head in the sand and just letting life unfold as it may.

Like all the advice which sticks with you permanently a bloke in a pub told me this little gem: He said, "You don't marry the person that you fall most deeply in love with and who's best for you, you just marry the person you're with when you loose the strength to keep going through the pain of breaking up and starting again". I really hope that's not true. It feels like it makes sense now though.

Go on, say something to cheer me up.

It's christmas already? Shit!

Actually I like all this low key xmas business. For years the retail industry has been showing xmas losses over the previous year, and as far as I'm concerned it's pretty simple- if you start your Xmas advertising in fucking october then by december people are bored with it. It doesn't feel special.

Now, I have to confess that I haven't watched television in about 3 months, so my xmas advertising radar may be a little off, but it only feels like they started in late november. Good. Unfortunately they'll make big losses anyway, due to the financial crisis, and so they won't learn their lesson.

It's supposed to be fun. Don't ram it down our throats in the name of consumerism please!