I cant get this feeling out of my head. It literally makes me cringe and my stomach turn every time it flashes in my mind. And I cant imagine what my boys are going through at the moment, but I am really discussed with people right now.
I am writing this blog at this time because this is the 3rd time tonight that I woke up after only a few minutes of sleep because of this nightmare playing in my head, and my youngest has been up twice because of it too.
My Sunday didn’t go as planned, and I am behind on some things now because of it. Early morning we all woke up at a decent time! I thought what a great start to a productive day, and that for sure I would get more done than planned. Around 8:30 am we hopped in the car and we went grocery shopping. Despite my sugar tooth, I somehow managed to walk out of the store with not sweets, I am very disappointed in myself because now even with a fridge full of food I feel like I have nothing to eat.
Driving home, I turn onto my street, and about 3 blocks from my apartment I see a turtle laying eggs in the middle of the road. This is a river turtle, not sure of what its actually called but it’s a common type around here that I have seen laying eggs lately. She is on the opposite side of the street, in which there is a median with grass and trees between her and I. I drive up to the next opening and do a uturn so that we can begin our rescue mission.
I pull into a parking lot because there is not a spot on the road to park because we are close to a bus stop. My boys hop out and run to the side walk while I open up the truck and try to decide what I could pick her up with, and what to put the eggs in. Her being in the middle of birthing eggs makes it a more difficult task. And handling turtle eggs is tough because if you roll them even slightly the egg will not develop the baby. Or so I have been told.
In the trunk of my car I have a ton of groceries and just happen to have a bunch of our beach stuff too: blankets, shovels, buckets and so on. I decide that I am going to put the eggs in a bucket, and that I would empty the groceries out of one of the bags to use to pick her up with. As I am removing the groceries my boys yell, “there is a car coming.” I dart from around my car with wide eyes just in time to witness the car….drive right by it. The car didn’t even have to swerve to miss her. Thought it was awfully close.
I rush back over to finished gathering my equipment, and I hear my boys yell again, “a bus is coming.” I run around the car again this time with bag and bucket. I could see the bus swerve, towards the turtle, so I scream to my boys “don’t look, don’t look.” My oldest turns around just as the bus hits the turtle. My youngest watched it happen. The sound of it getting hit reminded me hockey pucks hitting glass in an empty arena, only with a gloomy devastating tone lingering in the back ground.
Anybody who knows me, knows that I am bleeding heart, especially when it comes to children and animals. I cant even walk into the meat section of a grocery store without tearing up. So I instantly start crying, and frantically looking to see where to turtle was. I didn’t even realize that my youngest son had witnessed it yet, and I lock eyes on him and he has bigger tears than I did, running down his face and he lost all color in his normally caramel tone complexion. Both of my kids are snugglers, but I ran over to him and he hugged me tighter, and more desperately than I have ever felt. And he just cried and cried. I could feel my shirt soaking up all his tears, and could feel him shaking.
The bus had stopped at the bus stop to pick up the one person who was waiting, and I could hear that passenger yelling the bus driver. Then he got off the bus, and stood waiting for the next one to come. I pulled out of the driveway and back onto the road. I had to turn the opposite way I was headed because of the median, and then do a uturn again. Right about where I was going to do the uturn I see the turtle near the edge of the side walk. I did a very audible gasp, just assuming it was dead, and I was not prepared to see it. My oldest points out, “look mom, its right there.” Making it now something we have to further address. So I drive back to the parking lot and warn my boys that is probably dead, and make sure they understand what they are about to see. They hop out of the car instantly and run over to where it was laying. “its alive,” my oldest yelled to me, “but its guts are hanging out.” So instantly I go into frantic mode. At the same time there is an older gentleman passing on his bike. He stops too.
I grabbed a plastic rain poncho out of the trunk of my car and run over to the turtle. Im trying to keep my cool, but my eyes are tearing up and I just keep saying, “oh god, oh god.” The guy said that we should take it to the pond (which is right behind my apartment, and where I had originally planned on taking it), that way it could just die in peace and not get hit a few more times. I tell him that I am going to take it to a vet if I can find one.
I put the poncho over her, picked her up then wrapper her tight with the poncho. Her shell was split in two on top and bottom. Her feet were still moving and she was responding to my movements. I was trying to be so careful with her but I could feel her two halves sliding and sometimes grinding on each other. I cant seem to shake that feeling. You know how you can feel the sound on nails on a chalk board? It was like that, only sort of opposite, but even more appalling. It felt like I could feel the vibrations, of her shell grinding, on my brain.
I set her in the passenger seat, and started looking up local vets who can handle this type of animal. I first tried my vet because I know they do, since that’s where I take my lizards. But of course closed on Sunday. So I do a search, over 40 vets popped up, all but two were closed on Sunday. I called the two, and neither of them had a vet that could work with turtles, but one place gave me the number to a rescue center. I called, and headed over there right away. It was almost 2 hours from me, and of course I had to drive over rail roads and roads that were under construction. Every bump I went over she would open her mouth as if she was screaming silently.
I pulled up to the place, and rushed around to the other side of the car, and picked her up, again I could feel her two halves moving, and instantly started crying again. I checked her into the rescue center and tried to explain what her injuries looked like under the poncho. I really have a feeling that she didn’t make it long after I left.
I have seen some shit in my day, and helped out on issues ‘worse than’ this, and I am affected the same way every time, human or animal. I feel like my super hero side battles my emo side throughout the whole process. I cant help but to want to help, and to want to save everything or prevent harm or pain. I am sure I will get over this, but the feeling of her shell, its stuck with me right now, and I wish I had something relatable that I could compare it to, but there really isn’t anything common that would be significant enough to express the pain and horror that came along with it.
Lets just be kind to each other and to nature. It doesn’t cost anything to do it.