Ok, so I have decided this week that I don't understand men at all. Somebody... please throw me a bone here.

On one hand I have a guy that I was with for 2 1/2 years, and after the 8th time of hearing "I just can't deal with you anymore, I don't know how to handle you, or I'm done with this cause you're just not gonna change" I finally let him go. Now I get a guilt trip every three days about how I left him, or why I wouldn't take him back. Or how I have just "moved on with my life" while he has tried to kill himself and is out of work on a psych disability. I can't even talk about going on a date. He still lives in the house and gets upset when I spend time at home "just reminding him of what he can't have" and even more upset when I leave, because that means I am doing just fine without him. It has been 3 months now since we split, and we have tried to go out a few times with a group of mutual friends and that is even worse. If even one person pays more attention to me than to him, that means he is invisible. I feel like a prisoner sometimes in my own house, except that if I spend too much time in my own half of our 2 family house, I am just ignoring him so it's more like I'm a prisoner in his house, and being constantly reminded that I have single-handedly ruined his entire life.

The other hand isn't any better...
Here is the guy that my ex tried to set me up with, before he and I got together... been one of our closest friends for more than three years, and has always expressed an interest "if he and I ever broke up"... Well we did. A month and a half later he asked me on a date. We had been flirting all along, hung out a few times... By all rights I have seen him at least once or twice a week for the last month and a half. Two weeks ago, we finally spend the night together... That part was great, very star-crossed sort of totally unplanned, just happened to end up going to see the same friend at the same time, and left together. I always thought of him as a very decent kind of straight shootin' sort of guy... has his priorities straight, is a great dad, and has always been a great friend. We know a whole bunch of each other's dirty little secrets, and I always trusted him... until I found out on Saturday that he got married, and is right now on his honeymoon! And not even from him, but from a mutual friend! I was apparently just a last fling, or some sort of unfinished business before he "settled down". I can think of very few times in my life where I truly felt just straight out used and cheap, especially by someone I trusted.

Now let's make things a little more confusing...
How is it that right now the one guy that I truly feel the closest to, and the one who I know looks out for me and I REALLY CAN trust (Aside of course for those of you who have known me for more than 15 years, no offense...) is a womanzing, bike riding, lives with his on and off and back on girl, but keeps a second apartment as a "shag pad" bad boy, who was just waiting in the wings for me and Paul to break up for a quick fling? At least he is always honest with me, even if I hate what he has to say. We fight constantly... both arguing and physically (relax all, he is teaching me self defense and martial arts) and love every minute of it. He tells me about all his one night stands, then asks if I wanna come over for a massage. We have a constant game of one-upmanship, and never agree on anything. We butt heads at every turn and say things every other sentance just to irratate each other. But when someone talked shit about me one night, he was all over them, and when I needed help, or when my friend died last month, he was the first one to call me back.

How is it that it's always the "good ones" that let you down, and the "bad boys" are the ones who always seem to do right by me? Is it just a matter of relativity? Do we expect more from the former alter boys, so it takes less to be let down by them? And inthe same context, are our expectation of a "bad boy" so low that every decent thing they do impresses us just because we expect nothing decent to come out of it?

I just don't understand men, after 20 years of dating, and 2 children... I still just don't get it.

Ok ya'll, the prodigal child returns!!! Sorry I haven't been around in a while.
Life has taken on a very surreal color as of late.
First my hard drive crashed, then my life did... although not as bad as some people around me. Paul and I split up around the middle of June, after two and a half years. Since then I haven't known what each day would bring from one moment to the next. I feel like I've been on the world's biggest rollercoaster, and each time I think the ride is about to end, there is another huge dip that makes you lose your stomack.

I sort of lost myself alot in the relationship, and have been trying to get back to the old me... who I am beginning to think was a total nutjob from the get go!! So, progress... I have lost 15 lbs, and fit back into my skinny rock star jeans!!! woohoo I have started working out again, and sm studying mixed martial arts!! Well... to be precise, I am getting the crap kicked out of me for the moment, but I am getting better. I am making new friends, and making it a point to get out with my old friends, which I wasn't doing for a very long time. It all feels really good, and I think I am coming to a healthier place. Why do we always put on weight when we get in a solid relationship? And why does it seem like as long as you stay there, the weight stays too! It seemed like when we split, the pounds just melted off. What a crappy way to have to lose weight!!!

But anyway... I will try to be around more now that the world is not spinning quite so fast. The boys and I are gonna get out of town for a bit in the next few days. It will do us some good, but I will keep in touch.

Huggles and Handcuffs to all from the ArchStrumpet!!!
Love you!

Ok, ya'll!!

We made it through, and the benefit was a huge success! Without all the numbers in yet, we are showing a net gain so far of around $4500 dollars, and my dumb mug all over every news station in the city! We had a total of 250-300 people walk through the doors!

I wanna give a big shout out to Quigley's Tavern for hosting and catering, Jim Nagle and Kevin the pig man for catering, Al's Wine and Whiskey Lounge and Middle Ages Brewery for providing the brew, and The Sugardaddies, Akuma Roots, Reggadellica, Chemical Balance, and JDB and the Jams for kickin' the tunes all day long. We couldn't have done it without you guys!!

The party was a blast, everybody had a great time, and the support from the whole community was more than I would have dared to expect. Thanks to all those people who put in so much hard work, especially my Paul, who kept me sane for the last month. That's no easy feat!!! And thanks so much for the support and help of my family, who all pulled together and worked really hard to pull this of. I love you all!

Now I'mm gonna take a nap!

Ok, ya'll...
Here it is... the final rundown for the show next weekend.
Been working my @ss off on this and driving my whole family nutz!!!!
Now I want a nap!!!!!

It will be on Sunday, June 1st at Quigley's Tavern in Hanover Square, here in Syracuse, from noon til 10pm.
Tickets are $12 in advance, or $15 at the door. You can get them right at Quigley's.
Ticket price includes the entire day's worth of bands, all the BBQ, all draft beer and soda.
It is family friendly, so bring everyone. We'll have face painting for the kids in the afternoon.
We have prize raffles including weekend get-aways and a 50/50 raffle.

The bands will include:
"Downtown" Eli Harris
The SugarDaddies
Akuma Roots
Reggadellica
Chemical Balance

100% of the proceeds will go to the trust fund to support my sister-in-law's three teenagers.
It's gonna be a great time, and for a great cause, so I would love to see everybody there!!!

I can't wait to see ya'll at the show!!! It's gonna be a blast!
Rock out with your socks out!!!

Ok, so everybody knows what's going on with my sister in law, and the family...
I have started booking and coordinating a fundraiser for her kids' trust fund, to pay for their needs until she is found. It will be on June 1st at Quiggly's Tavern in Hanover Square here in Syracuse, starting at noon, and going as long as I can get bands to play. Wanna come??? We will be selling tickets in advance, for $10. That will cover all the music and draft beer.

If anybody can get me any bands that are interested in contributing their time, that would be a huge help... or if anybody wants to just hand me a donation to help cover the cost of the event, that would be the bomb too!!!!! Send me a message with any ideas or questions.

I would love to see all my SG pals there!!!!!! I can't wait!!
Huggles and handcuffs to all!!

BTW, in case I haven't already told you all... you have been great! The amount of feedback, support and help I have gotten from everyone here is amazing. Some of my own family haven't done as much. I truly love you guys! You have been the most amazing friends to me, and you can't imagine how much that has meant, or how much I truly appreciate you all.

There is now a reward offfered for any information that will lead to Buffy's safe return. If anyone wants to send me their email address through a private message, I will forward the flyer attachment for circulation. Thanks again for the huge outpouring of support.

thanks, everybody for the lovins...
Things have been a little scattered lately. We still don't have any news, but the investigation is ongoing. There have been a couple of interviews done on the NBC, and CBS affiliates in both Binghamton and Syracuse. We have flyers everywhere, and are still hopin.

I have kind of gotten used to no news. I'm not sure that's a good thing. The fact that it been long enough for the panic to wear off, is scary. So far though, I guess the fact that they haven't found a body is a comfort. It sort of has to be.

So sorry all that I haven't been around in a while. Just been trying to focus on my family right now. Not exactly how I envisioned my kids spring break going... but I have had a friend from out of town and her son up for the last couple of days, and it has been a great distraction. I also finished my new landscaping on the back yard and opened the big pit for the BBQ season. We have cooked out 3 times this week, and I had to wash my hair twice this morning to get out the smoke smell!

Boy, Alannah loves fire!!!!!

Hey ya'll. Life sucks right now.
For those of you in upstate NY, if you saw News10, there is a woman missing right now, last heard screaming for help, running down her street in Killawog, NY about 3am, on April 2nd. She was my sister-in-law... and a mom that makes me look like trailer-trash. Her name is Bethany Dougherty. She was last seen in her purple pajama pants. Please think happy thoughts for her and my family. I am totally lost and helpless.

And for the record, I am totally type-A, OCD, anal-renentive control freek, so this is the worst place in the world right now... totally helpless. Wish good thoughts, please.

Ok, so wow... it's been a while...
Been busy, doing a lot of nothing it seems. I'm not quite sure how that works. Actually I think I have just been kind of depressed, and drinking a little too much lately. But it hasn't been alone. I am kind of a homebody in the winter. Cold and lack of daylight get me down, and I don't get out much. But I seem to be having a lot of visitors lately. Even from halfway across the country. This weekend, my youngest son's dad was in town from Ft. Bragg, NC. That was kind of strange. He hasn't said anything beyond the requirements of trading the boy in about two years... so for him to just drop by and hang out for a few hours like we had always been the best of friends makes me think he had some sort of near-death experience or something. I just don't get it! Boys are strange... and yes guys, I know... women are crazy! We do it on purpose, so you don't get bored!

On the flip side of life...
I have learned recently that when it comes to kids... be careful what you ask for. I was tired of the boys messing up the livingroom, always being on my computer, and being forced to watch Nickelodeon every day. So for Christmas, we redid their room, complete with entertainment center, new dvd/vcr, larger tv, switch to hook up ALL their game systems, new computer and desk... the whole nine yards! Now I never see them anymore. Even my four year old, who used to be crammed up my @#**& all day, now only comes to me when he's hungry. Am I a bad mom if I let him play in his own room all day? Am I crazy to want a little space, then be confused, worried and depressed when I get it??? What the hell happens to women when they give birth, that makes us automatically lose our mind???

Is it just me, or does every mommy depend on their kids being ridiculously underfoot to function?? Am I the only mom who has know clue what to do with herself when she isn't being driven insane by people who aren't big enough to get on the big rollercoaster?

Wow, Alannah needs some adult time... out in public. I think I'll do that later.

So.... WE WON!!!!!!!
THE GIANTS WON THE SUPERBOWL!!!!
WOOOOHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now on to drunken vicxtory sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
High Five to all you Giants fans who knew this was coming all along!!!
Love you, bubye!!!!!

And now for all the bad kitties...

Ok, one word for ya'll....

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Giants are going to the Superbowl, after 10 wins on the road... and a nail-biter, ass-kickin' mother-f@cker of a championship game!!!!
OK, I am drunk and celebrating!!!! gonna go have victory sex now!!!! luv u all!