Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or
boyfriend along shopping
This letter was recently sent by Tesco's (Wal Mart for those of you in other parts!) Head Office to a customer in
Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine
products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in housewares..... And watched what happened.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
he
began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
antidepressants
were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,
yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
again."
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
Store Manager
Oh yeah and since we've just had Easter
Blasphemy or funny you decide!
x x
boyfriend along shopping
This letter was recently sent by Tesco's (Wal Mart for those of you in other parts!) Head Office to a customer in
Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine
products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in housewares..... And watched what happened.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
he
began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
antidepressants
were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,
yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
again."
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
Store Manager
Oh yeah and since we've just had Easter
Blasphemy or funny you decide!
x x
Modernity
You know you're living in 2007 when...
1 You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3 You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.
4 You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5 Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't
have e-mail addresses.
6 When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in
a business manner.
7 When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial " 0 " to
get an outside line.
8 You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
10 You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news
11 Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12 Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards. AND...
13 You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14 As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your
"friends."
15 You got this email from a friend that never really talks to you,
except to send you jokes from the net.
16 You are too busy to notice there was no #9
17 You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9
18 AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
Oh yeah, and another thing completely unrelated
I wander if anyone told this lady that she'd regret getting tattoo's when she gets older?!
x x
You know you're living in 2007 when...
1 You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3 You have a list of 16 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.
4 You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5 Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't
have e-mail addresses.
6 When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in
a business manner.
7 When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial " 0 " to
get an outside line.
8 You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
10 You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news
11 Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12 Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards. AND...
13 You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14 As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your
"friends."
15 You got this email from a friend that never really talks to you,
except to send you jokes from the net.
16 You are too busy to notice there was no #9
17 You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9
18 AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
Oh yeah, and another thing completely unrelated
I wander if anyone told this lady that she'd regret getting tattoo's when she gets older?!
x x
All hail him,
Remember how your hair once was? Good, I should hope so.
Next time you get a static shock, ask yourself, "is that an invisible bee stinging me?"
As you know, bees die when they sting, so you must bury it at sea as any insect would want to be.
Hands
and face
hands
and face
If I had enough wallpaper I'd give some to you, it's the least that you deserve for your troubles. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I've always wanted to know ever since I can remember!
Hands
and face
Don't worry! Only playing! Didn't mean to scare you.
I've been asked as usual to tell you never to choose a car that looks like this
It's against everything that George Bush believes in!
Well, it's time to stop, and take a few moments each day to smell cats.
Hands
And don't worry, only joking!
Congratulations!
You have won a letter!
All my love
And face!
x x
Remember how your hair once was? Good, I should hope so.
Next time you get a static shock, ask yourself, "is that an invisible bee stinging me?"
As you know, bees die when they sting, so you must bury it at sea as any insect would want to be.
Hands
and face
hands
and face
If I had enough wallpaper I'd give some to you, it's the least that you deserve for your troubles. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I've always wanted to know ever since I can remember!
Hands
and face
Don't worry! Only playing! Didn't mean to scare you.
I've been asked as usual to tell you never to choose a car that looks like this
It's against everything that George Bush believes in!
Well, it's time to stop, and take a few moments each day to smell cats.
Hands
And don't worry, only joking!
Congratulations!
You have won a letter!
All my love
And face!
x x
Ok
found some new pic's 2 put a smile on ur face (hopefully)! Just goes to show that things are not always the way they seem!!! Let us know what ya all think
favourites etc.
...
...
I could be on TV!!!
Sat an audition for a TV show today! Unfortunately I was never going to get the part, the ad read like this
"Are you a sexy black girl aged between 20 & 25 if the answers yes you could be part of a new show going out on prime time TV over the summer schedule!!!"
It went on to say no acting experience needed, must be of athletic build and up for fun etc etc.
I got to the audition at about 9am this morning, and although it was raining I felt quite warm surrounded by 80 - 100 good looking girls.
The morning was spent doing roll play exercises in teams, by midday half were told thanks but no thanks and asked to go home luckily I made it through to the afternoon!!!
We all had a one on one interview, during which we were told the show would be on late and as such nudity would be expected. I said I was fine with this and was then asked to do a cat walk followed by showing off a talent.
After spending 45min making a model spitfire I was told they had had enough of seeing my talent and to send the next girl in.
It was at this point it hit me like a brick
I'M NOT A GIRL & I'M NOT BLACK!
I tried to see out the rest of the day but by now I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable.
Half an hour later and the bad news arrived "Sorry Mr. H, you did very well but you're just not what we're looking for".
Oh well, I think I did well to get down to the last 6.
Hope I don't get in trouble with work for going off sick!
X x X
Sat an audition for a TV show today! Unfortunately I was never going to get the part, the ad read like this
"Are you a sexy black girl aged between 20 & 25 if the answers yes you could be part of a new show going out on prime time TV over the summer schedule!!!"
It went on to say no acting experience needed, must be of athletic build and up for fun etc etc.
I got to the audition at about 9am this morning, and although it was raining I felt quite warm surrounded by 80 - 100 good looking girls.
The morning was spent doing roll play exercises in teams, by midday half were told thanks but no thanks and asked to go home luckily I made it through to the afternoon!!!
We all had a one on one interview, during which we were told the show would be on late and as such nudity would be expected. I said I was fine with this and was then asked to do a cat walk followed by showing off a talent.
After spending 45min making a model spitfire I was told they had had enough of seeing my talent and to send the next girl in.
It was at this point it hit me like a brick
I'M NOT A GIRL & I'M NOT BLACK!
I tried to see out the rest of the day but by now I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable.
Half an hour later and the bad news arrived "Sorry Mr. H, you did very well but you're just not what we're looking for".
Oh well, I think I did well to get down to the last 6.
Hope I don't get in trouble with work for going off sick!
X x X
Got up this morning only to find my cat had left me a note informing me that he had decided to trot off and join the air force.
Made myself a coffee and spent a few minuets thinking this over. He'll be needing money for his daily fix of cat biscuits soon so I can't see it lasting long!
I'm sure he will be back soon with his tail between his legs he'll probably be wanting a tattoo next!!!
Made myself a coffee and spent a few minuets thinking this over. He'll be needing money for his daily fix of cat biscuits soon so I can't see it lasting long!
I'm sure he will be back soon with his tail between his legs he'll probably be wanting a tattoo next!!!
