five point keelhaul...
SPOILERS! (Click to view) i hope that this is as confusing for you as it is for me, in fact, i hope you don't understand it at all. then we'll be even keel, sorry...
SPOILERS! (Click to view) about my brains, my emotions, and everything that accompanies me in the places i dwell against my will, the places where only darkness can thrive...
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
nooneunderstandshoworwhyifeelthewayidoincludingmyselfanditsmakingmeabsolutelyinsaneasitrytoreconcileallofthesadbrokenpiecesofmebackintothebeautifulunderstandingcreatureioncewastheressomuchfillingmyheadrightnowthaticanbarelystandtobealivetheonethingthatsbeengettingmethroughmydaysisalovethatsentirelyunexplainableandmoredifficultthananythingiveeverfallenintothoughittookmoretimethanithaspreviouslytofeelsafeinsaidloveithinkaboutheralldayeverydayhersmilemakesmefeellightandsoftandherwordsmakemefeelspecailandbeautifulthewordsshesaystomeanyhowshetellsmethatshelovesmeandibelievehertherehavebeenmomentsthatshetextedmetnetofifteentimesadayjusttotellmehowmuchshewantstobeclosertometoholdmyhandsandsitonmylapandfuckmetillimblueinthefaceandshakingfromherpleasuringmeaftermylongcrazynightatworklastnighttheonei'mstillnowtryingtorecoverfromtheonewhereshetextedmethatshelovesmeandthatishouldhavedreamssweetasshehasbeentometofindexactlythethingihavebeentryingsohardtoavoidsohardtoforgetthatsheistoshareherselfsexuallywithsomeonethatistodowhatevertheywanthertodowithinlimitsthatbarelyexistthatthethingsshedoesformearetobedoneforsomeoneelsefornothingmorethanbeingcleverforafourwordtaglinethatsoimpressedherthatshewoulddoanythingtheyaskofherbesidesfuckingherselfliveorcomingtoundressinpersonforthembarringoutthingsshehastoldmethatshehasdoneandwouldonlydoformeaccompaniedbythefactthatshewrotesomefuckingassholethatsharesthesamelikenessinnameasherassumedpersonalitybecauseherfriendaskedafavorofherwrittenonhertitsforsomethingtolookatbecausehewasafuckingidiotandbecameapartofsomethingvileandridiculousandisnowsupposedlysecludedfromthepleasuresthatmensolongforwheneverwebreatheeventhoughthisfriendstatedthatherboyfriendwastheonlyonetoreceivethissamegiftfromherherselfbutforsomereasonitsokayforhisbestfriendtoreceivethissamegiftfromwomenwhoknownothingabouthimandthattheyareinvolvedinsituationsthatwouldnaturallycausepainandjelouasyinloverstoofarawaytorecievecomfortorthemakeupthatsrequiredtogetoversomethingaspainfulashavingtosharesomeoneyouareinlovewithwithsomeoneelseanyoneelseletalonegivingoutsexualfavorswhethertheyaretobeoverinternetconnectionsornotisofabsolutelynoconsequenceasthatsalsotheonlywaythatwehavetostayintouchwitheachotherthatthethingsthataresupposedtoonlybesharedwithmearebeingsharedwiththemostcleverfourwordsentencemakersandsomefuckingassholewithnorealconnectionatallsavetherequestofafriendcouplethiswiththefactthatihaveagirlfriendthatgivesmenottheattentionthatineedandissocomplicatedinnaturethatitsdevastatingtoallpartiesconcernedastherearemakeshiftchildreninvolvedandthatiamessentiallycheatingonherwiththisloveofminethatisnowcausingmesomuchpainthroughthesharingofherselfsodifferentfromthesharingiwasalreadytryingtogetusedtoandthepromisethatiwastheonlyonewhowouldbereapingthebenefitsofherlovethatshetellsmesheisminedespitemyargumentstothecontrarythatshewillneverbemineimayhaveherheartbutimalwayshavingtocompetewithsomethingforherattentionevenwhenisupposedlyhaveheralltomyselfifeellikeimgoingtothrowupuntilallofmyinnardsareoutsidethatiamsimultaneouslyimplodingandexplodingwithnorecoursenosavingmyselffromthisbecauseihavegrownsoattachedsoinlovewitherthattoloseherwouldbesomehowmoreterriblethantryingtoliveoutthedevastationandsorrowofhersharingherselfwithothersthewayshesharesherselfwithmefornothingatnocostwithnoattachmenttakingawayallmyspecialallofthethingsthatmakemefeelspecialmuchlikealloftheotherinfidelitiesthathavecausedsomuchdamagetomybruisedinnardsthatimayneverrecoveraswasbeforesaidlovefoundmeandbeganitsdecentintoaheartgaurdedbythemostferociousofdemonsiamsinkinglikegravityismyworstenemyandhastakenuponitselfanirrevocablevengeanceupontheverythingthatseesthroughmyeyesandfeelswithmyheartthatcountsthelonelysecondsthatturntodaysupondaysoflivinginalmostnothingbutthecompletedesireforhertobeminetoloveonlymetoshareherselfonlywithmethatwaythemodelingshehasdoneisnttheproblemthaticandealwithartisdifferentevenwhenitisentirelysexualychargeditsartandthatisthatitstheunintentionalinflictionofpainfromthingsundetachablefromthehumanconciousnessfromthephysiologythatmakesuswhoweareiamhypersexualandhaveyetfoundawaytobesatisfiedasdoessheiimagineiwanthertownatmelikeiwantheriwanthertolovemethewayiloveheriwanttobereciprocatedinmydesireandsharingofmyselfonlywithheriwanthertobehappyiwanttoinflictnocontroloverherorforhertofeelrestrictedbymeinnowayiwantthatrestrictiontocomefromherfromthelovethatshesaysshehasformenotanownershipbutfromthethingthatmakesuslongonlyforonepersonbegginthequestionwhatislovewtfisgoingonamianidiotamialosercountingthesecondsuntilshewalksoutofmylifesameasshewalkedinhertodayandgonetomorroworisthisquestionablethingwecalllovegoingtoresideinusforaslongaswevesaiditwouldnoleavingeventhoughiseemtopusheveryonethatireallyreallycareaboutawayfrommewiththesamethingthatpulledthemintobeginwithiamlosingiamlosingthisbattlealongwithsomanyothersthatitfeelsnotentirelyunlikedyingaslowhorribledeathlocatedcentrallyandradiatingoutfromthetearingofheartstringsalreadystichedbacktogethersomanytimesthattheyarealmostunrecognizableassuchmychestistightitshardtobreatheandifeelweightedlikeconcreteshoesnochoiceinbecomingwhattheyhavebecomecontrollingemotionshasneverbeenmyfortayseeminglyimpossiblesavethatmomentwheneverythinghurtssobadonejustbecomesdetachedoutofsheershockthebodyandsoulincapableofprocessingthecompletelackofunderstandingofsignalsandmessagesasmanyinnuberastherearesynapsesandsubsequentpossibilitesofthenumberofconnectionsmorethantherarestarsintheskythesameskythatwelookonandwonderifthecheeseontheotherendoftheseconnectivemetaphysicalheartstringsislookingatattheexactsametime...
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