IPOD
RADIO
worst. christmas. ever.
my family shot underhanded comments at each other all through dinner. my grandpa, the only member of my entire family who has a decent heart and mind, was all but dying, and couldn't hold everyone together like he usually does. he's 90, and fading fast. aside from the lacerated comments, it was hard luck stories, and sadness.
what i got for christmas: a french press, a pair of used shoes, and a shower head.
i just had to cut out embedded stitches from a gaping infectious wound in my moms leg. it was unpleasant at best, for both of us, and we're both strong people.
i spent my last five dollars on a pack of cigarettes today. i am unemployed, and the job market here is almost non-existent. my step-aunt, who has her PHd, works at a hardware store, and answering phones, for ACT. if that's any indication of how hard it is to get a job here besides micky-d's.
i'm in too much legal trouble, and have to take care of sick and dying family, to risk hustling.
broke. as fuck. all'round.
my girlfriend, who's always too busy and broken to give me the attention i need, is hundreds of miles away at her parents, who hate me.
i'm spending the night again, at my moms cat piss-soaked trailer, listening to the subtle sounds of pain she makes twenty four hours a day.
i wish that i wasn't so fucking numb, and that i could cry right now.
i'm terribly sad. and lonely.
and i have to piss in a cup, at random. so i can't seek refuge in my usual chemical loves. the only solid friends i've ever had.
on the upside, i had a decent meal tonight. and my dog, mr. pants, is here with me. i love him more than i love anything in the world, and we spooned on a couch last night. that's love. and at least we got each other.
my family shot underhanded comments at each other all through dinner. my grandpa, the only member of my entire family who has a decent heart and mind, was all but dying, and couldn't hold everyone together like he usually does. he's 90, and fading fast. aside from the lacerated comments, it was hard luck stories, and sadness.
what i got for christmas: a french press, a pair of used shoes, and a shower head.
i just had to cut out embedded stitches from a gaping infectious wound in my moms leg. it was unpleasant at best, for both of us, and we're both strong people.
i spent my last five dollars on a pack of cigarettes today. i am unemployed, and the job market here is almost non-existent. my step-aunt, who has her PHd, works at a hardware store, and answering phones, for ACT. if that's any indication of how hard it is to get a job here besides micky-d's.
i'm in too much legal trouble, and have to take care of sick and dying family, to risk hustling.
broke. as fuck. all'round.
my girlfriend, who's always too busy and broken to give me the attention i need, is hundreds of miles away at her parents, who hate me.
i'm spending the night again, at my moms cat piss-soaked trailer, listening to the subtle sounds of pain she makes twenty four hours a day.
i wish that i wasn't so fucking numb, and that i could cry right now.
i'm terribly sad. and lonely.
and i have to piss in a cup, at random. so i can't seek refuge in my usual chemical loves. the only solid friends i've ever had.
on the upside, i had a decent meal tonight. and my dog, mr. pants, is here with me. i love him more than i love anything in the world, and we spooned on a couch last night. that's love. and at least we got each other.
buying myself a membership to sg was the best fucking gift i've ever given myself. ever. i would like to thank all of the beautiful women here, past, present, and future, for sharing themselves. not only your bodies, but your selves. sense of humor, hate, love, opinions, dreams, and/or every day doldrums. thank you.
also, since i can only add 20 favourites, all of the girls in my "friends" list, should also be noted as my "favourite".
to those of you that actually respond, let me know you actually looked at my page, or preemptively sent me something(not like i expect an incredibly beautiful woman who poses nude, with tens of thousands of messages and or comments to respond to, to respond), thank you. it means more than you think.
i'll be a life long member. no doubt.
-peter isaiah whitewing jablonski
also, since i can only add 20 favourites, all of the girls in my "friends" list, should also be noted as my "favourite".
to those of you that actually respond, let me know you actually looked at my page, or preemptively sent me something(not like i expect an incredibly beautiful woman who poses nude, with tens of thousands of messages and or comments to respond to, to respond), thank you. it means more than you think.
i'll be a life long member. no doubt.
-peter isaiah whitewing jablonski
the distance between self, and the things that we love
grows distant as the span of treachery we have crossed to get here
constant like gravity
that weight
pulling like drawn and quartered
compressed into the days of a life blinked twice goodbye
like a tin can at the bottom of the ocean
every passing moment so precious
that we forget to live it altogether
if we weren't too busy to see it pass anyway.
i will carry you with me
every leg of this journey
like you never left
like i never said goodbye
like we would both live forever
if i could just keep my legs under me
if i could just manage to get back up again
if this unbearable tearing feeling in my chest would let me catch my breath
if only for a moment.
i will carry you with me every leg of this journey
for protection
to remember what it is like to feel loved
to remember what it is like to love
without regret
with passion
with forgiveness
with no certain
or uncertain conditions.
i will hold on to the fading memories of you
until death pulls them
from the war raging against everything that would attempt to take you away
grows distant as the span of treachery we have crossed to get here
constant like gravity
that weight
pulling like drawn and quartered
compressed into the days of a life blinked twice goodbye
like a tin can at the bottom of the ocean
every passing moment so precious
that we forget to live it altogether
if we weren't too busy to see it pass anyway.
i will carry you with me
every leg of this journey
like you never left
like i never said goodbye
like we would both live forever
if i could just keep my legs under me
if i could just manage to get back up again
if this unbearable tearing feeling in my chest would let me catch my breath
if only for a moment.
i will carry you with me every leg of this journey
for protection
to remember what it is like to feel loved
to remember what it is like to love
without regret
with passion
with forgiveness
with no certain
or uncertain conditions.
i will hold on to the fading memories of you
until death pulls them
from the war raging against everything that would attempt to take you away
i destroyed something beautiful today. . .
it contained one of the most beautiful moments in time i have lived through
through sadness and compulsion, i killed it
i hope that my scar of a brain, and the bruised tissue that is my soul
have the wherewithal to hold onto what it can of that moment, until my last breath sends me into whatever i am forced to suffer through next
i hope the destruction counts for something
i hope that the tears fighting their way up my chest, and out my eyes will carry me through tomorrow, instead of holding me fast to my bed
i am going to go and try to write a sad song now, as "god" has told me, in no certain words, that i cannot die, not now, or i would be gone by the time you read this
i love you
if love counts for anything
let it be that i wanted nothing but good things for all of us
even if i could never come through
especially in a pinch.
it contained one of the most beautiful moments in time i have lived through
through sadness and compulsion, i killed it
i hope that my scar of a brain, and the bruised tissue that is my soul
have the wherewithal to hold onto what it can of that moment, until my last breath sends me into whatever i am forced to suffer through next
i hope the destruction counts for something
i hope that the tears fighting their way up my chest, and out my eyes will carry me through tomorrow, instead of holding me fast to my bed
i am going to go and try to write a sad song now, as "god" has told me, in no certain words, that i cannot die, not now, or i would be gone by the time you read this
i love you
if love counts for anything
let it be that i wanted nothing but good things for all of us
even if i could never come through
especially in a pinch.
if you're at all interested in knowing about the things i have almost no control over. . .
Sun in Taurus, Moon in Libra
You were born with the Sun in Taurus and the Moon in Libra. Internally, you have sufficient self-confidence and strength of character to pursue and secure any goal you wish. Others, however, perceiving you as an affable, affectionate individual, do not suspect your latent ambition.
Your fate will be closely determined by associations with other people, who will exert an influence on your personality. Nevertheless, your psychological base is solid, and it is not implied that you are easily swayed. Your natural impulses lead you to be receptive only to concrete, well-defined ideas.
You are usually generous and free, but are also inclined to be frugal and overly concerned with financial matters.
The key to a better integration of your personality is to harmonize your strong internal character with your designated personality roles.
Ascendant in Libra, Venus in the Ninth House
At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Libra was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Venus is located in the ninth house.
This denotes a life in which the native adopts an attitude which is courteous, kind, and affectionate.
People with Libra Ascendant are basically motivated by feeling and emotion rather than intellectuality. Your life will demonstrate your keenness of observation, and a tendency to effect comparisons largely of an aesthetic nature. You will not display too much energy in your actions and, therefore, there is a tendency toward following routine and the lines of the least resistance. You are a sympathetic person who seeks the approval of others and is also very adaptable. Your intuition is remarkable and you derive sensual gratification from engaging in social intercourse, by loving all social aspects of life.
If you do not control this tendency to be so involved in human relationships, you may become too attached and over dependent.
Some restlessness, changeability and lack of persistence is noted in your life. Your main feature is that of constantly favoring the fusing of two things or people together.
Unfortunately, this involvement with harmonizing and adjusting people to one another, tends to make the native a little unrealistic and lacking in action. You will be, however, easy going and congenial, socially oriented and preoccupied with adornments, clothing, social conventions, standards, and aesthetics. In love, if you cause the relationship to be a serious one, you will find that the affair is the consequence of your own interest in flattering yourself rather than to satisfy any profound emotion.
Professionally, you will be inclined to activities which require a high degree of culture and even artistic knowledge.
This position denotes an intellectual person who has achieved a high degree of emotional development. Your mind is very artistic and refined and it craves all forms of intellectual development and growth, in addition to possessing a keen appreciation of everything pertaining to culture. Your disposition is kind and sympathetic; your socially oriented temperament may find expression by exerting effort in the assistance of others.
Moon in the First House
The Moon is in the first house. This position indicates that you are strongly influenced by your feelings and moods.
Your awareness of yourself is influenced by your momentary feelings, and this perception is subject to rapid changes of mood and emotion. In time, you will learn to understand why you react as you do to various situations, and then you can begin to change your response patterns and take more control of your life.
Others sense your lack of emotional self-sufficiency and tend to get involved in your personal affairs, even if you try to prevent it. You express your sensitivity through an emotional need to nurture and be nurtured by others. While you would like to have guidance and supervision concerning your goals and objectives, it would be better to achieve your aims independently so that you will not feel obligated to others.
The advantage of this position lies in your ability to sense other people's needs and desires.
In fact, you have a calming effect on people who are under stress, and this makes you ideally suited for working with the public.
Pluto Conjunct Ascendant
The conjunction of Pluto to the Ascendant means that you have the power to determine the kind of world that can be constructed from its available resources.
You can play an important role in urging the public to eliminate the parasites who cause decaying social conditions and the depraved human qualities that lead to them. Because you speak and conduct yourself with authority, no one dares dismiss you as a troublesome critic. You are not easily aroused to taking action unless the situation is serious. If it is, you will use every trick you can devise to compel those responsible to take the actions that are necessary to restore order from chaos.
In general you know what you want out of life and are ready to make any investment in talent and effort to realize your goals.
Choose your adversaries with care, or you could antagonize someone who would deal violently with you. You tend to bring out the worst qualities in people.
Sun in the Eighth House
The Sun was found in your eighth house at the time of birth. This inclines your individuality to be oriented, in one way or another, to the deeper sides of life. Your sexual feelings are long-lasting, intense, and vital. Your inner self seems attracted to unusual matters related to the termination of life-death and its mysteries.
Traditional astrology indicates that near your middle age a crisis will rear its head in your life. If this period is successfully spanned you can expect a prolonged life with a gradual heightening vitality.
Financially, there are definite chances for money inherited from either your partner or from another relative.
Venus in the Ninth House
Venus was found in the ninth house at the time of birth. Your mind appears as very adaptable, gentle, peace-loving and tactful. This position indicates that the secret for your ability to reach a state of harmony and emotional balance may come through the use of your higher mental powers. You have been born with an exquisitely refined, artistic mind which has a very subtle appreciation of all that has to do with culture. Your disposition is kind, congenial, gentle and sympathetic and you have a natural ability to assist other individuals.
This position gives you much social intercourse with intellectual persons and success derived therefrom.
Merely minor disabilities will affect you in your intellectual endeavors. The worst that could happen would be an overly inquisitive, indecisive nature that never seems to be satisfied. However, you have within you the ability to avoid these psychological obstacles.
Saturn in the Eleventh House
Saturn was found in the eleventh house at the time of birth. Psychologically, this denotes a rather hidden and limited view of your personal ambitions, your friendships, and of your future. You're very ambitious, cautious, just, patient, responsible, but perhaps, too serious.
You're an individual with few friends and even there you may find that some of them will assist you with advice rather than with actual help in times of peril.
Sun in Taurus, Moon in Libra
You were born with the Sun in Taurus and the Moon in Libra. Internally, you have sufficient self-confidence and strength of character to pursue and secure any goal you wish. Others, however, perceiving you as an affable, affectionate individual, do not suspect your latent ambition.
Your fate will be closely determined by associations with other people, who will exert an influence on your personality. Nevertheless, your psychological base is solid, and it is not implied that you are easily swayed. Your natural impulses lead you to be receptive only to concrete, well-defined ideas.
You are usually generous and free, but are also inclined to be frugal and overly concerned with financial matters.
The key to a better integration of your personality is to harmonize your strong internal character with your designated personality roles.
Ascendant in Libra, Venus in the Ninth House
At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Libra was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Venus is located in the ninth house.
This denotes a life in which the native adopts an attitude which is courteous, kind, and affectionate.
People with Libra Ascendant are basically motivated by feeling and emotion rather than intellectuality. Your life will demonstrate your keenness of observation, and a tendency to effect comparisons largely of an aesthetic nature. You will not display too much energy in your actions and, therefore, there is a tendency toward following routine and the lines of the least resistance. You are a sympathetic person who seeks the approval of others and is also very adaptable. Your intuition is remarkable and you derive sensual gratification from engaging in social intercourse, by loving all social aspects of life.
If you do not control this tendency to be so involved in human relationships, you may become too attached and over dependent.
Some restlessness, changeability and lack of persistence is noted in your life. Your main feature is that of constantly favoring the fusing of two things or people together.
Unfortunately, this involvement with harmonizing and adjusting people to one another, tends to make the native a little unrealistic and lacking in action. You will be, however, easy going and congenial, socially oriented and preoccupied with adornments, clothing, social conventions, standards, and aesthetics. In love, if you cause the relationship to be a serious one, you will find that the affair is the consequence of your own interest in flattering yourself rather than to satisfy any profound emotion.
Professionally, you will be inclined to activities which require a high degree of culture and even artistic knowledge.
This position denotes an intellectual person who has achieved a high degree of emotional development. Your mind is very artistic and refined and it craves all forms of intellectual development and growth, in addition to possessing a keen appreciation of everything pertaining to culture. Your disposition is kind and sympathetic; your socially oriented temperament may find expression by exerting effort in the assistance of others.
Moon in the First House
The Moon is in the first house. This position indicates that you are strongly influenced by your feelings and moods.
Your awareness of yourself is influenced by your momentary feelings, and this perception is subject to rapid changes of mood and emotion. In time, you will learn to understand why you react as you do to various situations, and then you can begin to change your response patterns and take more control of your life.
Others sense your lack of emotional self-sufficiency and tend to get involved in your personal affairs, even if you try to prevent it. You express your sensitivity through an emotional need to nurture and be nurtured by others. While you would like to have guidance and supervision concerning your goals and objectives, it would be better to achieve your aims independently so that you will not feel obligated to others.
The advantage of this position lies in your ability to sense other people's needs and desires.
In fact, you have a calming effect on people who are under stress, and this makes you ideally suited for working with the public.
Pluto Conjunct Ascendant
The conjunction of Pluto to the Ascendant means that you have the power to determine the kind of world that can be constructed from its available resources.
You can play an important role in urging the public to eliminate the parasites who cause decaying social conditions and the depraved human qualities that lead to them. Because you speak and conduct yourself with authority, no one dares dismiss you as a troublesome critic. You are not easily aroused to taking action unless the situation is serious. If it is, you will use every trick you can devise to compel those responsible to take the actions that are necessary to restore order from chaos.
In general you know what you want out of life and are ready to make any investment in talent and effort to realize your goals.
Choose your adversaries with care, or you could antagonize someone who would deal violently with you. You tend to bring out the worst qualities in people.
Sun in the Eighth House
The Sun was found in your eighth house at the time of birth. This inclines your individuality to be oriented, in one way or another, to the deeper sides of life. Your sexual feelings are long-lasting, intense, and vital. Your inner self seems attracted to unusual matters related to the termination of life-death and its mysteries.
Traditional astrology indicates that near your middle age a crisis will rear its head in your life. If this period is successfully spanned you can expect a prolonged life with a gradual heightening vitality.
Financially, there are definite chances for money inherited from either your partner or from another relative.
Venus in the Ninth House
Venus was found in the ninth house at the time of birth. Your mind appears as very adaptable, gentle, peace-loving and tactful. This position indicates that the secret for your ability to reach a state of harmony and emotional balance may come through the use of your higher mental powers. You have been born with an exquisitely refined, artistic mind which has a very subtle appreciation of all that has to do with culture. Your disposition is kind, congenial, gentle and sympathetic and you have a natural ability to assist other individuals.
This position gives you much social intercourse with intellectual persons and success derived therefrom.
Merely minor disabilities will affect you in your intellectual endeavors. The worst that could happen would be an overly inquisitive, indecisive nature that never seems to be satisfied. However, you have within you the ability to avoid these psychological obstacles.
Saturn in the Eleventh House
Saturn was found in the eleventh house at the time of birth. Psychologically, this denotes a rather hidden and limited view of your personal ambitions, your friendships, and of your future. You're very ambitious, cautious, just, patient, responsible, but perhaps, too serious.
You're an individual with few friends and even there you may find that some of them will assist you with advice rather than with actual help in times of peril.
NOVEMBER 2007