just got home from the sg party at mozaik! what a fun night. soooo glad i went. met sunshine, alissa, durb, marceau, frolic, and many other sgs, hopefuls and members. yay!

mother bitcher! just got into a car accident. everyone is ok, but my car is pretty dinged up. it was totally my fault. i thought the guy in front of me was turning, but he stopped short. i did not stop short. we didn't exchange info, and he said he wouldnt file a report (his big ass truck was fine) but i filed one anyway just to protect my ass in case he does. all i could put down was his first name and what his truck looked like. the lady at the police dispatch said that the worst that could happen was i get my license suspended, but i won't since i am filing a report. i was totally freaking out, thinking that i was going to go to jail for not filing a report! i haven't cussed that much in a long, long time...

how do you convince someone not to get married?
i just spent the past few hours with an old friend of mine who i havent seen in more than a year. he has a kid now (which he refers to as "the kid") who is 8 months old. he did not want the baby, and neither did his (now) fiance. they had agreed that she would get an abortion. then, her parents convinced her to keep it, without involving him in the conversation. it was obvious to me that he has no desire to be a father right now, which i totally get. but, he is committed and will do all he can for the child. what he does not need to do, imo, is marry this girl. he said that if he could do it over, he wouldnt even be with her, and that the only reason he is marrying her is because of what his mom will think. fuck that. take care of your child, but do not ruin your life, the child's life, and this girl's life by marrying her when you dont love her! i seriously hope he listens to me on this. i feel bad for him. i thank god/whatever every day that im not a father. i can hardly dress and feed myself!

a good start to the day. breakfast with radiohead and my sister. off to work for a couple of hours, taking sister to a graduation party, gym for myself. then try to get some school work done for this subject area literacy class. this will be done outside.

not feeling like this long distance deal is going to work out...or maybe i'm a dick? i can't decide. she has 3 weeks off this summer, and is taking 10 days to try to come to columbus (where i am and she has lots of friends) cincinnati (where she has family) detroit (where her parents live) and chicagot (where her best friend lives). i understand wanting to see all of those people. but, should the person you lived with for a year, you are trying to maintain a relationship with, and don't know when you'll get to see again take some sort of precedence? i even said i would go out there for a week, and was told not to because "i'll be too busy." so, it would be just like when we were living together...seeing eachother in the evening and thats it. sooooo, whats the big deal? i dont know if i am just being an asshole or not. i explained all of this and got no response. i am afrustrated and confused panda.

ps- i moved away so that i could get my masters degree, and, because of class, i can't go with her to these other places. (and i did go last year when we did the midwest swing together)

I never get tired of being the cool older brother. I have a sister that is 10 years younger than me, and its really fun to be able to hang out with her and warp her mind (in the positive sense)! I don't do dumb shit like buy her drugs, alcohol, weed, or cigarettes, but it is cool to introduce her to stuff I like and see if she is down. I'm constantly amazed by what she likes. Some people may think she is weird, but I think it is awesome that she picks up roadkill, lets dermetite beetles eat all the flesh, and then reconstructs the skeletons!
Since I just got back to Columbus, I havent found my own apartment yet, so I'm living with she and my parents. There have been a couple of times that I've been able to tell my parents to let her stay out later, that I'll pick her up. She is obviously grateful for it, and my parents are, too, since they don't have to worry about it.
The best part is, she can think for herself. I can show her what I like, but she doesn't automatically think that its cool. That gives me hope for her when she gets to college in a couple of years.

i found out yesterday that i will have to be in school for another year. super lame! i dont have to take more classes, it is just a matter of when the classes i need will be offered. pretty annoying. BUT, its ok. i can take my time and really learn stuff, i suppose. i'm thinking of teaching overseas for a while. a girl i work with is teaching for 4 months in greece. i would totally dig going to greece for a while! all expenses paid AND get paid to be in effing GREECE?! yes. that would be cool.

I am really getting fed up with my gf. I can't take the negativity anymore. Every day there is something new wrong, there is some new fucking thing that I have to console her about and tell her that everything is going to be ok. How do you do that from 700 miles away? I moved away so that I could go back to school and get my masters. Everything was ok. And now it is constant texts to see where I am, who I am with, what I am doing. We dated long distance before, and now all of a sudden it is psycho time. The negative attitude about everything is so hard to deal with. She is always sick or getting sick. She "knows" she is going to get sick, and you know what? She fucking gets sick! If you tell yourself you are going to be sick, you will be! If you tell yourself you will be well, you will be! If its not getting sick, it is the kids in her art classes. She had to take them on a field trip the other day, and she was all miffed because she had to take them! Its her job! If you don't want to do all of the things that go along with being a teacher, maybe you should try a new field. Most of the texts I get are things like, "uuugghhh, i feel so shitty" or "today really sucked." Those dont make me want to talk to you. I don't expect sunshine and puppy dogs all the time, but every once in a while it would be nice if she said something positive. When I try to talk about this stuff, she gets pissed off and doesnt want to talk about it. I am not confrontational about it, I use "I messages," am not accusatory with things, but it still doesnt go over well. Nobdoy likes to be critcized. Im getting to my breaking point.
In other, more uplifting news, my classes are going really well. I am learning a lot about teaching, and I really don't see how states can allow people to become teachers without any sort of certification program. There is so much to go over and discuss. It is no wonder teachers normally quit after the first 3 years. They weren't prepared!

Finally back online! Got a new laptop, so that is helpful. Back in school, and that sucks. Living with my parents for now, until I can get a job and get my own apartment. Living back at home is kind of lame, but its ok. Only temporary. I'm not too proud to say no to free room and board!

well, it looks like i will be moving to my parent's house this weekend. i don't want to, but it will be good to save about $800/month. i'll be getting a bicycle, save some money on gas, and continue to work on losing the weight i've put on. not too bad, but i still want to get it off. getting up at 6am to run is already beginning to get old. my job keeps screwing me around with hours, so i don't know if i would be able to afford my own apartment right now anyway. maybe once i get my substitute teaching jobs i'll be able to afford something, at least be more stable. for now, save money, get tattoos finished, lose weight. sounds like a plan.