I feel like I should be writing more but I haven't since I've been at home most this last week. I haven't done any work really, well, a little. I was experiencing one of those temporary burn outs that come with being a grad student. But, I somehow got off my ass last night, came down here, and got a little work done. Kinda tough when I spent most of that time im'ing Pauline. God, I talk to her almost every day, and we've only gotten together once. It'll be twice tonight. We're heading to some place in Richmond, grab some food, and then enjoy the band performing there. I think this is the first girl I've met where I didn't feel like I had to be in total control of my actions towards her. Dating is supposed to be fun but with all of the girls I've met, there's always an "issue". Or, I have to watch exactly when I call them so I don't come across as being clingy or trying to control their time. Or they im me trying to get me to call them (thats how it feels to me). That game shit is gay...straight up pillow biting gay (and no, I have no problems with homosexuals). Granted, I'm not going to assume a commitment with anybody, so I can see other girls. But, finally, I met a normal girl. I like the fact she will actually call/im me and it doesn't feel like I'm being lured into contact with her. My friend Rob said I should have fun with this game called dating...I really don't find it fun at all. I don't want to call a girl who said she would call me and doesn't. Christ, even a text or a quick "hey, sorry I'm calling a couple days after I said I would, but I'm busy and can we talk later?". It does sound a bit girly...no, its a human response that both men and women experience. It's disappointing but you have to learn to say to yourself "her loss" or "I haven't got time for this shit". If one person wants to play the game and the other doesn't, I don't think things can work.

I'M A LITTLE COMMUNIST SHORT AND STOUT....

Every time I try to think of something communistic that parodies the next part...I get nothing...absolutely nothing. So anyway, I went on a date with Pauline Saturday, a girl I met through match.com. Not too bad looking, a little chubby but cute. Her hair is a DIVINE TEMPTATION. I love it! And, we seem to getting along pretty well. It seems like we email and im every day, not including the 2 hour phone coversations we have here and there. And I can't believe it...she likes wrestling!!! HAHAHAH...now, bear in mind I don't follow it religiously as I did in high school but if I catch it channel surfing, I'll watch it for a little while. And she also grew up watching it. And, I caught a commercial today saying that there would be a wrestling program taped in Norfolk soon...perhaps its fate. HELL NO, but the timing is funny. Last night, on the phone, I asked her if a guy wanted to take her to a match on a date, would she go. The answer is yes. But anyway, we seem to be attracted to each other and we get along pretty well. I'm going to see her again this Saturday. I have to drive to Richmond. If the weather is good, she'll give me a tour of the city. I've been living here for 4 years and I've never explored Richmond and Norfolk. That's an activity best done with company, for me at least. So, there is some potential.

Work is work and I haven't done shit in the past 4 days. I don't feel like it. I'll get back on my game soon. I also haven't worked out much in the past week and a half. So, I may remedy that situation tomorrow morning with a little weight-lifting.

Allright, thats it.

DANCING LIKE A WHITE BOOYYEEEEEE

Just got back from the Black Crowes concert...I can't believe how OLD they are but they put on a great fucking show!!! I kept watching the frontman thinking that he was trying to watch his moves or he would break his hip lol. Seriously though, they played for about 3 hours, did all their hits, finishing off the night with Remedy. And god dammit...30 dollars for a shirt!!! Of course I bought one, I had to! You go to a great show and if you got the money, you buy a shirt, simple as that. And yes, I danced a bit...sounds cheesy (or another adjective) but still, I was getting into the groove of things and having a blast! And now, that brings up a topic of interest: girls and concerts.

Just about every girl I see at a show is with a guy. I rarely ever see any single girls at these shows. I keep wondering how many that are there even like the music. Are they there just to be with their boyfriends?!?!?! Wednesday, I saw few girls standing around like their men were in the pit and they were left all alone. I hate that shit. Its like a bunch of dudes and their girls go out to shoot pool and the guys play and the girls are left to chat amongst themselves. You go out with your girl/guy to have a good time, not leave them stranded while you play with your friends.

I swear, my dream girl would have to sincerely enjoy going to concerts with me. Someone that I could surprise with a shirt after the last song. Someone that will stand there and headbang with me lol. I saw a couple doing that at the Opeth show a few months ago....god, I was jealous. Its a weird form of bonding that I long for. But seriously, I love going to shows. I never went to concerts in college (no car, school out in the middle of nowhere) and I'm trying to make up for it. And I want a girl that will go with me...black crows, opeth, white stripes, etc, and have a good time because she likes the music. Its an important part of my life and I want someone that can share it with me. Ok, my rant is done.

I'm now 26 and a day...and I don't really feel any different. Well, Shadows Fall rocked the fucking house down!!!!!!!!!! It was a great show. There were a bunch of other bands. I missed two of them.

Bury your Dead...god they sucked...I mean just sucked. They had little instrumental talent and it just felt like they're just any other metal group out there that doesn't try to be anything else but a stereotypical metal band. I didn't get too worked up when the vocalist started blabbering some junk and said "it doesn't fucking matter if you're metal, hardcore, or just fucking stupid!!". I just shook my head.

Poison the well were pretty good. The vocalist has a good growl and it sounds like he has genuine singing talent. They came up just before Shadows Fall (main act) so they had the talent to get the crowd worked up. He didn't have much presence though...seemed kind of stiff on stage with little personality.

Brian Fair is an incredible frontman! He brings the crowd into the show and makes them feel apart of whats going on stage. This guy has been and always will be a fan. Shadows Fall rocked (listening to them while I write actually hahaha).

Other stuff: walked into the bathroom and two out of the four sinks had blood and puke in them! A couple of people were injured moshing. One guy took a hard fall (a big guy too) and as soon as he got up he held his head and blood started gushing out! Then...holy shit, so many people were ejected. The venue weas taking security incredibly seriously last night, possibly too far but I wasn't moshing so I don't know what exactly happened in the pit. The last time I was there and people were moshing was when I saw the Misfits last September. But I don't remember anybody getting kicked out then. The security spread out around the pit and tried to keep things contained therein. One security guard pushed this massive gorilla down and I really thought a fight was going to break out but one of his buddies prevented magilla from beating the secutiry guard. Honestly, from what little I saw, it seemed like the venue's security were getting a little too rough but I can't fully say.

Allright, it's back to work on saddle-center maps and homotopic lobe dynamics. The great thing about my work is that if I meet a girl and she asks me what I do, I can say the words "homo" and "tangle" come up a lot.

Wow, I spent a good deal of today doing non-work shit and being pissed at my advisory. This guy expects me to master every single little topic I need to know in my work. God, I've been here for 4 years and I need a fucking publication!!!! This paper that I'm expected to "master"...I have this feeling he's going to say "hmmm...you need to know how to generate these figures even though what you learn in generating them won't come in handy for a good year but you should do it anyway because I would and I'm just a bald-headed snobby butt-nugget who's wife has 3 big hairy uncircumcised cocks cleaning each ear at this moment while I sit at home watching masterpiece theater"...yeah, he crawls up my ass sometimes lol. DAMN...THAT FELT GOOD. Seriously though, he's fucking good and I know I'll become a pretty good problem solver when I get out of here...whenever that will be (and I implore anyone who happens to read this...please don't ask me when, so many people ask me that and when it comes to research, there's no timetable like there is when you're an undergraduate). But yeah, I respect him as a scientist and he impresses the hell out of me but at the same time, I'm not all that fond of the guy personally. Well, sometimes yeah, but sometimes he crawls up my ass lol.

Now, I have to go home, eat some dinner, and figure out if there is an error in this paper I'm studying. Tomorrow night is....................................................SHADOWS FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My birthday is in two days. One of the things I've been thinking about is my age and where I should be by now. Still in school...8 years straight. I keep thinking that by the time I'm 30 I should be married or getting ready to be married. But I realize that...ummm...where does this hangup come from? Why should I be married. Is something bad going to happen within the next 5 years? No, maybe its society or just people I know finding others and I feel like I need to get out and find my a wife. Life doesn't end unless you want it to. Or I keep thinking that when I get a job my life is over. If anything, my workload has increased substantially and I have so many other responsibilities compared to college and yet I've never felt more alive! I'm learning how to control my spending so I have the money to enjoy expensive things (living alone is fucking expensive) and I've only had to ask for money once...200 dollars...because moving and furnishing an apartment, a dental exam and cleaning, buying new car tires, paying my car and renters insurance was so much I needed a cushion. Writing this tells me things aren't too bad...not bad at all.

Had a pretty decent day. Jogged Friday, biked about 25 miles yesterday, and walked about 10 today. I don't have to work out tomorrow. Besides, I need to put some hours in since I'll be going to see Shadows Fall Wednesday and the Black Crows on Friday. I can't fucking wait! Just picked up Fallout from the War and Montheist a few hours ago and they both fucking rock. I need to pick up some more Celtic Frost so I'm prepared when they swing by here in November. And...Wednesday is my 26th birthday; a time for reflecting on my life but I think I'll save that one for Tuesday or Thursday. I may have a lot to write that day considering how much has happened in the past year, how much I've changed, how much I've learned about myself, and what else I want to change.

Seems like so many people are into blogging and recording their thoughts and opinions on the internet and I never had a desire to but since I have one, I enjoy writing, I guess I'll take advantage of it. North Korea's been in the news a lot lately because of some missle tests the other day. I was working when the story broke and it went from 2 missles to 7 including the one that may reach our nation. That country is strange man. I read Animal Farm and 1984 after learning a few things about the country and after reading both books, I was in shock at how much North Korea resembled Oceania. What really strikes me about the country is the cult of personality surrounding their leader. Now, I wouldn't use that term and I'm sure many would disagree with me. I say they mythologize their leaders. I say this after reading some of Terry Pratchetts books. In the Discworld, the afterlives of all the religions exist. A common theme is that human beings have this power of belief that enables one to (this is the only way I can express it) create new modes of being. It plays a central role in Hogfather where this world's parody of Santa Claus disappears and creates a belief vacuum and so all kinds of weird entities start popping out of nowhere to fill the void. North Korea is officially atheist yet they have transformed their leaders into almost godlike beings. The original leader (Kim Jung Il's father) was eternally granted the post of president post-mortem. When Kimmie Jung was born, supposedly it was on a mountain and the heavens responded with lightening and a double rainbow. I sometimes wonder if the leaders of the "revolution" know that people need something to believe in and or even recognize some power of belief and have to channel it into something: the leaders of the state. I'm probably not the first to say that but the part I'm adding is the label...or even making up the word mythologize.

It's funny, caught a segment on cnn today showing all these North Koreans placing flowers at some opulent showing Kimmie's dad leading people...somewhere or something...and afterwards, they all bowed at once (and there were A LOT of people). Kinda reminded me of footage of Muslims at their daily prayers.

Wow, my first blog!!!...god, that's kinda gay. Well, I feel like I should say something important, like a literary quote that hits directly into the heart of the human experience, transcending time and worthy of manifestation into an archetype...but ummm...kinda blank.