The last Thursday of June last year was a very bad day for me.I was having a really good time with my ex boyfriend(still room mate) Matt,he had turned 21 a few weeks before and was slowly becoming an alcoholic.I had my friend Charlie and her boyfriend at the time Craig at Matt and I's apartment,well Craig and Matt left to go to Ames to buy hard liquor that they didn't sell in Boone. Charlie and I had been hanging out having a good time and when Craig and Matt got home Matt was in a bad mood and started taking everything out on me as usual we'd been fighting allot the last couple weeks because I was jealous and still in love with him and he was just using me(that's how I felt) well before Matt left and went over to Joey and LaLa's (Joey was Matt's vest friend at the time) I shared a bottle of Hypnotiq with him. Well I had taken a couple shots of Vodka and kept getting more an more depressed,I mixed up up some Everclear and Kool-aid and I started drinking it already drunk by this point and I ended up drinking all the Everclear minus a few sips.I was emotional wasted an realized the guy I loved hated me. I started freaking out I locked myself in my apartment and I started cutting my wrist with a razor (how emo right) well I let Aerial and Eddy (my neighbors at the time) in my apartment and I've been told I started seizing I don't remember it but it must've happened. I came to and was sitting on my bed with my feet halfway out my window it had no screens and Tara comes in (a mutual friend) telling me how my friend Dustin tried beating her up. I wasn't very comprehensive and I just gave up at that point so I pushed myself halfway out the window, I never actually wanted to die and hell 37 ft. wont really kill you anyway wll by the time I realized I didn't wanna go out the window I hit the ground I didn't feel anything blood everywhere I tried standing up Eddy had jumped down 3 flights of stairs to get to me he pushed me back down on he ground (I was wasted had no idea how injured I actually was) and i laid there I looked at Eddy and asked him "is it supposed to hurt" he says well yeah you just fell damn near 3 stories I looked at hm 1 last time and said "it doesn't" I don't remember much after that I know I was life flighted to Des Moines and I remember seeing Charlie and her mom at the Boone hospital before I left, but that's about it...I woke up with my brother and my Dad,Brother and Sisters with me. They thought I had died or was going to but miraculously enough the only major injuries I had were 2 broken vertibraes in my back and a gash in my knee that went all the way to the bone,never in my life had I been so happy to be alive. I left the ICU in Des Moines Saturday and was taken to a Psych Ward I got out that following Monday and ever since last year I've never cut, been suicidal or ever ever once thought about hurting myself for a guy. I realized I first had to be happy with myself before I could ever be happy with anyone else. Never take life for granted... I never thought a near death experience and a drunken mistake could change my life for the better but I guess I'm living proof that miracles happen and not every mistake is horrible

Pro Life


I don't understand people anymore,perhaps I never really did but here's the deal...How is it murder when a girlfriend father mother boyriend or brother or whoever kills a pregnant womans baby and THAT'S MURDER but yet a woman can go to a doctors office or planned parenthood and abort her baby and it be PRO CHOICE fuck all that,that's a double standard I don't think people are all that stupid they're just looking for what's berst for themselves and by doing this they're being selfish reckless and immature "in my opinion" so let's reverse this a man is very very excited to be a daddy and his wife can't concieve they have enough money a safe stable home and they find out that the young woman down the street is pregnant and doesn't want her baby so they go and speak to her about adopting the child once its born...Whats so wrong with adoption? oh I'm sorry hunny you wanna abort your baby so you don't get fat or you wanna abort your baby because your parent/guardian will kill you? I've been there okay I was 14 pregnant my dad wouldn't look at me my mom was pissed but you know what I never backed out of it. Now I have a bouncing babby boy he'll be 4 in October ABORTION IS WRONG PEOPLE! I don't care what the circumstance it's wrong everyone says one person can't make a difference but U beg to differ what would have happened if George Washington had been an abortion baby, or what if you or me had been an abortion baby yes 1 person can make a difference so please vote no to abortion let an innocent life live THANKYOU FOR LISTENING!

new poems!!!!!





Starless Sky
Deep in the dark of night
When there is no light to see
I look for the stars
But they are not there
No one is near
The loneliness is unbearable
I feel the pain of emptiness
The hollowness of that pain
Where can I go, what can I do
Then it hits me
The lights are on
There are people around me
But the loneliness is still there
No one cares
So I stay empty
I still feel the pain
And I still feel the hollowness
Of the lonely starless sky




Left Without You
Give me one good reason
Not to give it all away
And end my life
Now, right here today

Smoking it up
Sitting in my room
Thinking it's all over
Then I hear the boom

Confusion about you
The storm in my head
Rolling round 'n bout
Thinking about what you said

The hate is too much
You turn your back on me
Denying me my refuge
You are my key







Left Without You: Part 2
When your love left
My heart went dead
I can love no longer
I hope it's all just in my head

My life is now empty
My body is just a tool
To get me what I want
Can I be any more a fool

Hold me now
I think I'm falling
You no longer hear my voice
but I keep calling

Six feet down
Isn't so far
Death can ease
Me down to par
Cherie Aletha Larkin





No Rain
The earth is hard
But the sky rumbles
Promising something
But it will never come
For the sky is too angry
She will not cry for anything
And there will be no rain
She has blocked the sun
Blocked out it's warmth
Holding it back in fear
But the shine is ever near
She strikes at all life
Keeping it dark, cold and dry
There will be no rain
The sky is me
the earth my heart
The sun my smile
The lightining my words
The rain my tears
But there will be no rain



Done
It's over
Your gone
It's better
But worse
But I'm done
Giving to you
It's done
Depending on you
It's done
I hope you know
I'm never coming back
The lying
It's done
The hiding
It's done
No more reaching
No more giving
No more
It's done

so get this right a normal Friday turned into the worste day ever hella drama and fighting I wound up in the ER my best friend went to jail what the fuck is really going on here appearantly I faked a seizure(was a panic attack with tremors) so the stupid mother fuckers call 911 when I said not too cops show up the hall my ffriend off to jail me in an ambulance to the hospital meanwhile everyone else is blameing me for the cops showing up.Fuck all that, I didn't call 911 on myself I didn't get the cops there they did, so how the fuck is it my fault? Well they have my cell phone either way wich means I have to get a new one YET AGAIN!!!!!! You know I'm a huge believer in KARMA and I know they'll get wht's comming to them, but I just don't understand how someone can turn their back on their friend someone they consider family .

I'll never understand people and honestly I don't think I'd want to, all I really want is to go 1 whole week without any drama as that so much to ask?

new tats

Hey everyone,

Well I haven't blogged in awhile as noticed lol but everythings going ok for me I suppose I'm learning new things looking for a job annoying the shit out of sly and plotting world domination so obviously THE USUAL.
I lost one of my best friends on the 28th of May and another friend a few weeks before it's been rough but I'm doing allot better now I have this theory (and you guys know how my theorys are) that Dustin isnt really dead just hideing his death is too sucspicious for me to believe it. I'll most likely be going back to college in September hope to get contacts this summer and my friend from Alaska is moving to Iowa in August so I'm going to be busy God willing the tornados don't take me away or the flood wash me away everythings on track well have a great weekend everyone and check out this real life unicorn they found in Italy[

new tatoo

ok so i got 3 new piercings my lip and both nips and i got a new tat cuz of sly im ony showin my tat and lip but here

so ok i got the new tat and it really hurt lol and in 3 weeks i'll get it colored in but for now here it is