I would just like to take this moment to address the fine people at Jamster!, purveyors of the world's classiest ringtone and telephone accessories:
Hey, you! Yeah, you with the annoying commercials all-the-fuck-over Comedy Central and all the music channels! What the hell kind of mind control device do you pack into those thirty-second slots? Is it the hypnotic ambient organ music? Or is it the dark swirly visual background, undulating like a portal to another dimension of suckage? It must be something, because if I didn't have the good sense to keep my ghetto monophonic Nokia Fossil piece of shit, I would SO have a Sir Mix-a-lot ringtone and a "Sexy Honda Civic" wallpaper. You sneaky insidious bastards. You are incessant, and I'll be damned if you aren't effective. I hate you. NOW GET OFF MY TELEVISION!**
**Unless you make a ringtone that plays "Funky Cold Medina." Then we'll talk.
In other news, I still hate my job.
I am still ridiculously behind on my homework.
Nancy and Shoshanna are going to slaughter me because my comic for the lit magazine is still not done.
I'm facing a moral dilemna in my mythology class: severe lack of academic respect for my professor. First of all, the venerable lush Professor Dubois has come out before her class and everyone and admitted that she really liked the movie Alexander. Solely because she thinks Colin Farrell and Angelina Jolie are hot. But not only does she just admit liking it, but she finds a way to reference it at every goddamn class. When she's not extolling Alexander, she's off on a tangent about the foxy men of Troy. In case you don't know how I feel about Troy, I'll enlighten you: watching it felt like being raped in the grade point average, and (contrary to popular opinion) one's GPA is an extremely unpleasant place in which to be raped. And here is my professor, the fucking CHAIR of the Classics department, saying that these movies were genius! Not because of the writing, mind you, but because of the casting. She gets all purring and kittenish and goes MMM, COLIN FARRELL and then takes a swig from her unmarked bottle of clear liquid that is clearly not water and makes up another bullshit assignment. This week's was absolutely golden: "Okay, class... I want you to... conjure up the ghost of Medea and conduct an interview... BUT YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THE STEPS! You have to make it CLEAR that you read both the sourcebook AND The Medea! ...two pages, class is dismissed." What. Was I really supposed to have a seance? Once again, it's like she was just begging me to be facetious. So I wrote something like this:
I stole away to evoke the ghost of Medea at midnight, as was the custom. I lit a fire inside the barbeque pit. I had come prepared: a bottle of milk mixed with honey, a bottle of wine, and a lonely little black sheep. I drew my sword and slit the neck of the sheep, flaying its flesh open and allowing the blood to catch and pool within the barbeque pit. Once the blood drained, I rolled the carcass into the fiery pit so that it could burn whole as a sacrifice. Then I poured the milk and wine into the pit as the fire flared up from the sheep meat, offering the libations to soothe and relax the dead. I prayed next to the pit, mumbling incantations. Oh rivers, earth, and you who punish whoever of the dead is foresworn, I said. Be witnesses and accomplish this spell for me. I have come to speak with the late and great mistress of magic Medea.
...and et cetera for two pages. At least I amused the fuck out of myself writing that. I mean, HONESTLY! What would you have done? Oh yes, and she also enjoys Anne Rice porn. I... I just don't know.
Well...
that epic poem isn't just going to write itself, now is it?
Oh, how I wish that wasn't a rhetorical question.
[xoxo]
Hey, you! Yeah, you with the annoying commercials all-the-fuck-over Comedy Central and all the music channels! What the hell kind of mind control device do you pack into those thirty-second slots? Is it the hypnotic ambient organ music? Or is it the dark swirly visual background, undulating like a portal to another dimension of suckage? It must be something, because if I didn't have the good sense to keep my ghetto monophonic Nokia Fossil piece of shit, I would SO have a Sir Mix-a-lot ringtone and a "Sexy Honda Civic" wallpaper. You sneaky insidious bastards. You are incessant, and I'll be damned if you aren't effective. I hate you. NOW GET OFF MY TELEVISION!**
**Unless you make a ringtone that plays "Funky Cold Medina." Then we'll talk.
In other news, I still hate my job.
I am still ridiculously behind on my homework.
Nancy and Shoshanna are going to slaughter me because my comic for the lit magazine is still not done.
I'm facing a moral dilemna in my mythology class: severe lack of academic respect for my professor. First of all, the venerable lush Professor Dubois has come out before her class and everyone and admitted that she really liked the movie Alexander. Solely because she thinks Colin Farrell and Angelina Jolie are hot. But not only does she just admit liking it, but she finds a way to reference it at every goddamn class. When she's not extolling Alexander, she's off on a tangent about the foxy men of Troy. In case you don't know how I feel about Troy, I'll enlighten you: watching it felt like being raped in the grade point average, and (contrary to popular opinion) one's GPA is an extremely unpleasant place in which to be raped. And here is my professor, the fucking CHAIR of the Classics department, saying that these movies were genius! Not because of the writing, mind you, but because of the casting. She gets all purring and kittenish and goes MMM, COLIN FARRELL and then takes a swig from her unmarked bottle of clear liquid that is clearly not water and makes up another bullshit assignment. This week's was absolutely golden: "Okay, class... I want you to... conjure up the ghost of Medea and conduct an interview... BUT YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THE STEPS! You have to make it CLEAR that you read both the sourcebook AND The Medea! ...two pages, class is dismissed." What. Was I really supposed to have a seance? Once again, it's like she was just begging me to be facetious. So I wrote something like this:
I stole away to evoke the ghost of Medea at midnight, as was the custom. I lit a fire inside the barbeque pit. I had come prepared: a bottle of milk mixed with honey, a bottle of wine, and a lonely little black sheep. I drew my sword and slit the neck of the sheep, flaying its flesh open and allowing the blood to catch and pool within the barbeque pit. Once the blood drained, I rolled the carcass into the fiery pit so that it could burn whole as a sacrifice. Then I poured the milk and wine into the pit as the fire flared up from the sheep meat, offering the libations to soothe and relax the dead. I prayed next to the pit, mumbling incantations. Oh rivers, earth, and you who punish whoever of the dead is foresworn, I said. Be witnesses and accomplish this spell for me. I have come to speak with the late and great mistress of magic Medea.
...and et cetera for two pages. At least I amused the fuck out of myself writing that. I mean, HONESTLY! What would you have done? Oh yes, and she also enjoys Anne Rice porn. I... I just don't know.
Well...
that epic poem isn't just going to write itself, now is it?
Oh, how I wish that wasn't a rhetorical question.
[xoxo]
FEB 10, 2005 01:42 AM
FEB 10, 2005 10:41 AM
abadinfluence
Canada
July 2003
FEB 10, 2005 10:54 AM
JohnClement
Silver Spring, MD
January 2004
FEB 10, 2005 04:43 PM
Umm....so you're not in awe of the bling bling frog wallpaper? I wasn't really sure the first three times I saw the commercial in a half hour, but after viewing number five I was sold.
It would be difficult to look as pretty as Brandon. Did you see him on the cover of Spin? Those cheekbones are flawless. 
I cannot really comment on Alexander not having seen it, but I would interject that I find it hard to believe that Colin Farrell doesn't embody the very soul of Ancient Greece. Since when is gushing about movie stars not the picture of academic scholarship?
A world where tenured professors don't go weak in the knees over matinee idols is not a world in which I wish to live!
FEB 10, 2005 11:22 PM
Glad you appreciated my Photoshop skills 
Did you catch the phone number, or was that too subtle?
T7
Saskatoon, SK
February 2005
FEB 10, 2005 11:23 PM
FEB 10, 2005 11:59 PM
555-NAZI 
Didn't think anyone would actually catch it.
abadinfluence
Canada
July 2003
FEB 11, 2005 10:36 AM
FEB 12, 2005 07:29 AM
JohnClement
Silver Spring, MD
January 2004
FEB 12, 2005 04:27 PM
It's everywhere I look. *shudder*
