IPOD
RADIO
I just need to get through one more day of work, a short 4 hour shift and i'll be officially on vacation. Tuesday and Wednesday i'll be making sure to get all my shit finished up and packed, i'll head to Hamilton Wed. afternoon sometime. Thursday morning we'll be at the airport for 7:30, flight leaves at 10:30 in flight for a few hours then BAM!
Seattle, motherfuckers.
Penny Arcade Expo 2008.
We'll be there from thursday till tuesday at the sheraton. We'll have sunday night and monday to be touristwhores, what should we see?
I don't know if anyone reads this, but whatevs
I still haven't heard from Alyssa at all, though I did have her friend confirm that she's still using the same email that i've grown to remember so fondly. I grew tired of having to use her as some kind of communications medium, and i'm sure that I bothered the shit out of her with it too, but she was cool and understanding about everything.
So like i'd mentioned the email was confirmed to be the same and unchanged, to which i've sent an email explaining myself to her in the hopes that i'll at least get a few minutes to talk to her once more, no responses though. However the other day, just briefly I saw the MSN alert of "Alyssa has just signed in" and just as quickly as it appeared, she was offline. A split second. An electronic chime. Her name. My stomach flipped, my heart began pounding in it's cage. That was the closest to contact that i'd had in ages. I know she has a new boy now, and i'm fine with that, i'm glad to hear she's happy and i'm not going to try to change things between them. I just want to be able to talk to her again.
I'd mentioned in an earlier entry that i've patched things up with another ex, Mandee (or Mady as she goes by) and while we haven't been speaking much, it feels good to be rid of the loathing hatred I had for her. However this has come at a price, through facebook I am able to rifle through her pictures and am constantly reminded of what I had, and what I fucked up. She has pictures of her and her new boy together. Smiling. Happy.
The way we used to.I fell harder and faster for this girl than i'd ever fallen before. Every day that I saw her for the few months we were together she would give me butterflies. Sleeping next to her, holding her close. Nothing else mattered to me.
What I wouldn't give to feel it all again. With her, with Alyssa. With someone. To feel that genuine happiness throughout my entirety.
Just another day living in the past, still crumbling, still falling. Waiting to find my lost balance once more.
I managed to get a slight update on Alyssa.
After sending a message to her friend Lor, her sister Kristi, and her friend DC and getting nowhere, I decided to send one more to Lor. This time around however I managed to get a response:
hahahah hey bryan!
yeah sorry i didnt respond to the first one she said she didnt wanna talk to you still so what am i to do?
Shes living in Toronto now with her boyfriend and just working and living, she seems pretty happy!
I'll let her know you tried again and see what she says
I think its a shame that she wont talk to you for even a momment just to patch things up or whatever. but its up to her i suppose!
I will relay the message along!
Hope you're doing well 
-Lor
While it did bring me closer to an answer, and i'm glad to hear she's doing well and happy. I'm more dismayed that she doesn't want to talk to me, but not surprised. My ultimate goal is to at least try to get Alyssa to talk to me. Just to give me about 5 minutes of her time so that I may plead my case, explain and apologise to her.
I do still care about her, and just thinking about the times we were close gives me butterflies. I understand now that I can't have her to myself, and while its difficult for me to cope with, it's something that I can respect. However, I cannot be entirely without her. I cut that section off when I started seeing Sarah because of my emotional connection. Not wanting to be stretched thin between two people I shut the past out in the hopes of gaining a fulfilling future. What I discovered instead was that I thrive on her friendship. She was the one person with whom I could share every little minute detail of my life with. I could have wonderful conversations about everything and nothing. Even knowing that she wasn't mine, she made me happy.
Apparently however, i've fucked things up pretty bad, and the thought of not having her to speak with is, to say the least: gutwrenching.
I'm thinking that I may send Lor another message in a few days to see if Alyssa can at least give me a few minutes of time to hear me out before making any descisions.
So far I have:
Sent an email
Left a message on her myspace (her facebook is gone)
Messaged one of her friends on facebook (message was read, never got a response and it's been almost a month)
Just found out a friend of mine has become friends with Alyssa's sister, so I sent her sister a message and am hoping to get a response.
The phone number I have is possibly out of date and I haven't called it just yet because it's long distance/i've been working a fuckton
hopefully I can at least apologise for how I acted and get that off my chest.
ALSO: My sister found out the gender of her (soon to be) child and it's going to be....
Highlights!
Matt and trixxx
Myself and LeMansTheRogue
It's only gay if balls are touching!
LeMansTheRogue, George Strombolopolous, Matt
Myself and George
So it's been fairly eventful here at home.
My Uncle Clint and Aunt Claire have been staying with us from England and will be here till sunday.
My cousin Katie (Clint's daughter) got married (hence their trip from England)
Got my innernets fixed. Quite rapidly too, I must say i'm very impressed with the service.
I'm getting a new bike, apparently. My dad entered a raffle for one of the neighbours and won. So, woo!
I decided to say "hey wallet: FUCK YOU!" and bought a $350 camera (Canon Powershot S5IS)
and I think what i've been most excited for:
SG GALA TOMORROW NIGHT!
Gonna be good times
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