Once more I have reappeared here! I know how much everyone has been missing me and fuckin' hell do I have some shit to bring you up to speed on. Okay I left Richard, we know this....well upon leaving him I quit both my jobs, started attending community college full time, and ended up having to move back in with my mom. I've been unemployeed for over seven months and I could care less because I have free room and board as long as I keep good grades in college. College is a blast! I have become very well known here very quickly by both my peers and even senior staff members. I am persuing a major in Business Management and Entrepreneurship but in reguards to my marks in school well, I am excelling more in English than I am in Business class. My English professor insists that I attempt to publish my work because he says, "You are a gifted, brilliant writer, capable of bringing your audience inside your mind effortlessly. You need to work on getting published!". Now I do appreciate his faith in my ability, but I've been writing short stories, poems, and rants since I was old enough to understand the mechanics of putting pencil to paper, it's natural...too easy in fact that I couldn't do it for a living because it isn't really work. I want to own and operate my own bar/music venue by 2012 and as a single mother I qualify for business grants (money I won't ever have to pay back) and the government will help this single mother start her family legacy, The Toxic Cafe. It's my life's ambition to own a bar and I am going to school to do just that. Now it is not required that I get a degree of any kind to begin the process of opening my bar, but I thought it would be best to play it safe because I sure as shit don't want to end up bankrupt over some stupid error on my part, so I am preparing myself with knowledge of what to expect when considering starting your own business. Also I think when I apply for those government grants they would like to see letters of recognition and certificates of achievements attained during my time at LMC to give them reassurance that I am not just a wlefare mom looking for a hand out. So aside from school I have joined a grunge rock band that covers mainly 90's alternative songs at the moment. I have written six originals so far but we only have three of them down well enough to play live. We are called ENVAIN and we formed in November 2008. I'm lead vocals and I love being back in the spot light again after so long. We cover songs like, "Celebrity Skin" by Hole and "Zombie" by the Cranberries as well as some Weezer and even on the opposite spectrum Sublime- "Bad Fish". I am looking to get away from that cover band persona, I'd like to expand more on originals and get beyond covers because no one comes to a live show and pay to hear a band play songs someone else wrote. I like originality and repitition bores me so soon enough I will get the rest of the band weened off of covers. We have played 3 live shows so far, each one the crowd was a little bigger than the last time, and we are playing at CZARS 505 music venue in downtown Saint Joseph Michigan on April 10th! You have to understand that CZARS is a big deal to any new band playing out. Typically in order to even get a show booked there your band has to have a demo/video or a serious buzz by word of mouth traveling to the Czars managers' ears otherwise he won't book you. Well we got CZARS for our 4th gig ever! No demo, no video, and still got enough people talking about us that we were able to convince Tom to let us come play his bar. That's the shit! Anyway, modeling has been on the back burner for a bit, I am aching to do a photo shoot, but no one will do the photos for me pro bono and I am a broke biatch right now. I don't have any camera equipment of any kind so I can't even take them myself. I have been thinking about doing one of two things with my tax return when it comes. Either A) Take $800 or so and take a trip to Los Angeles CA where I would walk up to SG headquarters and say to the sexy girl running the front desk, "Hi! My name is Crystal and I came all the way here from Michigan to become Miss Zeriah Suicide.....how can we make that happen?" or option B) Buy my own digital equipment and try to take the pics myself and saving the rest for emergencies to get me by until I find a job. I don't like option B as much because if I followed option A I could quite possibly win them over at SG and do an introductory photoshoot there at the HQ which would possibly be a source of income....but if I went there I don't know if I would want to go back to crappy Michigan. I just know that I belong among the Suicide Girls. I connect with them in chat and through other means of communication so well and the sisterhood would be so devine! I love these smart, strong, sexy, independent girls and I know I would be a great addition to the long line of SG's. Anyway, so that's the news...pretty much all of it I think. I got my license re-enstated so I can legally drive a car again.....now I just have to find a way to make my car street legal. Well until next time this is Zeriah....over and out!

I recently became available and now I am back on the prowl. Soon after Dick and I broke up I began to learn something about love and relationships and the horrible reality that humans simply aren't meant for monogomy unless it is forced. I have no drive to force myself into monogomy nor do I have a desire to "settle" for less than what I think I deserve even if what I think I deserve seems to be non-existant. I have been doing well with emotional detattchment, perhaps too well? On my "journey" to "self discovery" I noticed something about myself. I do not miss people. People I should miss family members, friends that I"ve lost over the years, lovers that I said I'd cherish forever....I don't miss them. They might pop up in my mind due to some trigger but once I'm done reminicing about them briefly they are no longer a thought. Does this make me cruel? Cold? Maybe I'm normal but an ex mentioned to me the other week that I do not know how to love, I can't commit because I have emotional issues. Personally I thought I couldn't commit myself to one guy forever because I do not have the desire to settle down. Also I find myself "in love" with more than one male. If I could marry two or three guys and rotate them throughout the week, my marriage would be fabulous, but I can't marry three men at once and if I could I don't think any of the three would be okay with it. So yeah I'm single, no I don't want commitment, no I don't want "one night stands" and no I don't want a guy that will lower my IQ 5 points just by exchange of three words. I have standards that's all. A night at the bar doesn't mean guy hangs all over me to procure his status as my male for the evening nor does it mean grinding heavily on the dance floor. It means some shots, some pool, maybe a mosh pit if we're lucky after which we buy a bottle of Jack and lay on the hood of my crappy station wagon in a field watching stars having meaningful conversation sharing swigs from the bottle and smokin a joint. That's a helluva date in my opinion. Anyway, yeah the few dates I've been on have sucked so far. Give me a break already. Well, I've hooked up with some guy friends and found I enjoy casual sex with them on a semi regular basis. It works for the time being. I am enjoying being free spirited a little mysterious and a little rebelious. Anyway, going to school in the fall studying to be a mortician, it's gonna rule. Alright I better turn in I'm not making much sense and possibly repeating myself. I'm tired. Later.

Holy Jeebus!!!!! The great and powerful Zeriah has returned! I am so excited! Life is grand, I am having the time of my life I tell you! I am doing various projects with local artists and groups I am planning a trip to Chicago soon after this shoot is done to mingle with some SG's and such. I hope to meet some amazing people and have a great time. Won't be til spring but still major fun to look forward to. Anyway, I am looking forward to hearing from all my friends here with a big Welcome Home!!!!! Yay! Okay I'll be in chat if anyone wants to find me!
Kisses and Razor Blades,
Zeriah

So my one year free membership is about to run out and I will no longer be here, I don't know when I will be back because currently my finances are fucked up and I haven't the money for much of anything these days, rent is two weeks late, electricity and garbage pick up bills are due to be paid, just fixed the brakes on my car with what little money I have and still owe day care services 250 bucks......so it'll be awhile before I am seen again. I just wanted to let you all know that I will miss you dearly and I swear once I get my finances back on track (which won't be long if I get this promotion at work that my GM keeps promising me) I will return to my lovely SG friends. Many kisses and hugs from
Your Favorite Hopeful,
Zeriah

Alright I'm trying to create a huge group of awesome SG members in the mmorpg City of Villains. No one has to spring the cash to play, I have the ability to dish out a ton of 10 day free trial friend referrals....so basically in a nut shell....if you really love me come play with me. How do you get in on this great offer, you may ask, well my friends simply message me on here with your email addy and I will set you up with a trial account via friend referral, all I have to do is enter the game, type in your email address, send referral, you get an email (must use existing account (i.e. gmail, hotmail, yahoo whatever) check your email, read it thoroughly and follow the instructions the email from NC Soft they will send you a pass code to confirm your trial account. Here's a preview. City of Villains read up on the various Archetypes and abilities you can create for your toon, then send me a message again via SG inbox to let me know when your trial account is up and running. Then we shall join forces and cause some mayhem and mischief all around The Rouge Isles. I play on the Justice Server so you would have to create a toon on that server if you want to run around with me. My Toons are Toxi Moxi, Necro Monica, and Professor Femetale' add any or all of those names to your friends list located above the chat tab. If you don't like mmorpgs then you and I won't hang in mmorpg land, but we're still tight on SG. Nothin but love for ya.
Geek Love,
xoxoxo
Zeriah

So my Vacation is going fantastically well!!!! I have been a lazy slug. I came home from work Saturday morning, smoked a blunt, and went to sleep after some greeeeaaaaat sex. Then I woke up to a lovely Mother's Day, spent time with me mum and such, then Dik flew out to Florida for his business trip. Since he has been gone I cleaned the whole house, spent a shit load of time in SG chat with my new web cam, had some friends come over and get stoned and watch Orgazmo with me My best friend Stephanie brought me a kitty. He's so soft and cuddly and sweet, he jumps in my lap and purrs, he's way better than my last cat. I named him Angelo as in Michaelangelo. Anywho, after all the festivities I woke today to get my first half of my tattoo done. It's not completely done, but she's close. I gotta admit I cried like a bitch for the coloring of the face and wings, oh man was that a son of a bitch to get through. I felt the tears and that lump in my throat and I was like, "Woody, I'm gonna cry what do I do?" He said, "Sweetie I think I would have been crying 20 minutes ago, this spot is baaaaaddddd!" I agreed and I cried, I don't cry for tattoos, I barely whine, but when he was doing the part right beneath my breast...yeah I had to cry there, there was just no way around the tears. I smoked a cigarette and felt better, but I really wanted to spark up the joints I had with me and dull the pain completely, but he was like, "No sweetheart we are almost done, smoke the weed after." So I listened and smoked after we were finished for the night.....I feel 100% better, he's such a wise tattoo artist, so amazing. Anyway here's some pics from the fun at Smokin' Gun Tattoo.


calm after some outline work


biting my own arm


Gettin her done


Finished product

It hurt so bad on the upper half beneath my tits....OMG lol seriously tears were rollin, but I'm stoned and feelin good about a great piece of art that has just another few tattoo sessions to go before the piece is complete
Smooches darlings and please do come visit me in chat.
xoxo
Zeriah

Well, I guess this is kinda over due but I wanted to tell everyone about my newest accomplishment. I won $1,500 in a contest for www.Break.com The contest was called Break Loves Britney and the object was to become Bald Like Britney. The rules were simple, no copyrighted music, no nudity (bit hard for me), and to be as sexy and creative as possible while shaving your head. I was "first" place and to be honest I wasn't that creative with it or even that sexy, I woke up three hours before the deadline (I accidentally fell asleep while watching a movie) and my husband woke me up and said, "Hey we gotta make this video or we'll miss out on the contest!" I couldn't find anything particularly sexy enough, so I put on a very short black skirt, a corset style halter top, and black fishnet thigh high stockings, did a bit of make up and went at it, no dancing, no music, no kisses and peep show extravaganza and yet my video won, now that I think about it I could have been a lot more creative, but I was in a hurry and very sleepy. I originally had planned on buying some sexy lingerie to wear under a tuxedo style suit with a neck tie and all punked out, then strip tease while shaving my head bald for Britney, then my husband suggested that would take too long and lose the viewers' interest quickly if I didn't do it right, then we thought of dressing me up like a school girl like in Britney's Not That Innocent video, but my school girl skirt was no where to be found, so the dressing in all black made me look kinda "gothic" which isn't really the viewers' top choice, but I still won, so what if the video didn't turn out as good as I had been planning on, but at least I am $1,500 richer which meant my rent was paid on time this month

Spring is almost here in Michigan so I am getting things put in motion for a new photo shoot and maybe this time around I'll go PINK, man that would be awesome. Well that's all for now.
Kisses,
Zeriah

P.S. You can view the video here http://my.break.com/media/view.aspx?ContentID=242002

So last night I was working at the bar and it was totally dead, the band was setting up and I was admiring the drummers' tattoos and serving him Taquilla when suddenly I heard a scream and a terrible crashing sound. I turned to see people running for the exit and then I saw why. The roof above the bar was collapsing. No one was hurt, but it scared the b-jesus out of all of us. See these roofers were supposed to fix our roof a while ago, but with all the snow that has been dumbing down on us they haven't had much chance to get very far, now all the snow is melting at an expeditious rate and the roof has sprung a few leaks so we put small containers under the leaks and my boss said not to worry because it would be fixed soon enough, well now we need a nw roof, the bar is shut down, and I am out of work. This sucks, I mean it really sucks, but seeing a roof cave in and destroy a bunch of liquor was kinda neat, I mean one second everyone was getting all pumped up for the band to start and the next they were running for cover. Kinda neat. Too bad I didn't have my camera with me, and on band night I usually bring it too lol. Last night was an interesting night indeed. So the band packed up their gear, before it got drenched, and we waded through the ankle deep water and through the exits. The band came out to a different bar with the rest of us now unemployed folks and bought us drinks, it was cool. It turned a somewhat bad situation into a fun one. We talked and laughed and danced and told other people at the other bar about the havoc that seized City Lights Martini Lounge and it was just mind blowing. Now that the bar is closed I was thinking it might be kinda fun to do a photo shoot in it and see if I can make a little money from it after all. It'd be kinda neat. Well, that's all for now I have to start making breakfast for the love of my life and my kid. Have a lovely day.

Isn't it funny...I'm a very active member of this site but I'm not very interactive these days. My touch with the community is light and tender these days rather than white knuckle grip hand shakes that I originally dished out. I still love this site indeed, I actually did a photo shoot on x-mas eve. I tried a different approach and I must say it was the most exciting thing I've ever done. I tried bondage/fetish modeling and I admit I am in love with it. Playing a submissive was intoxicating, at first I was worried about what might happen with this shoot, but my photographer reassured me that most of it would be staged. Then suddenly my wrists were bound and I was on a pulley and they hoisted me up by my wrists until I was on my tip-toes struggling to keep my balance, then I was spanked with a paddle that had a hard smooth side and then a soft fluffy side....the mixture of the sensations was hard to wrap my mind around, I wasn't sure if I liked it or if I didn't because the sensations went from hard to soft so quickly between smacks. Then my wrists were behind my back and the rope was ran along my sides, over my chest, around the neck, and in my mouth...god was that an interesting feeling.....all that was missing was someone pulling my hair and that would have got me wet in an instant...so all in all I suppose I enjoyed being "tortured" for my photo shoot even if I was in an abandoned building and it was 30 degrees and I was naked for hours in the freezing cold. The pictures turned out lovely though and I'm looking forward to sending them in to SG soon. Maybe this stuff will get me to go pink hmmm? We'll see.

So I've discovered that our financial issues are no one's fault but our own. We got our monthly statement today and out of curiosity I added up exactly how much we spend on fast food in a month and I nearly shat myself upon reading the total. My boyfriend and I spend (get ready for it) we spend $185.97 on fast food in one month!!!! That's both our electic bill and trash bill right there and we haven't paid either of those bills since the month before last due to lack of funds....go fuckin figure. Now here's what really upsets the shit out of me....I spend....(wait for it)....$91.03 total on smokes in a month!!! That's right I spend nearly a hundred bucks a month to kill myself. so all in all we could be saving $277.00 a month if we didn't eat out and I didn't smoke and we wouldn't be having so many issues with paying rent and bills on time. So, what are we going to do about it? Well, I suggested to Dik that he start bringing lunch with him to work and I start smoking rolling tobacco (which is super harsh on my throat and should make me want to quit like last time) and that should bring down our accessive amount of money we spend. We begin this new journey tomorrow, since he already went out to eat again today before I made him aware of the situation. I may work two jobs, but it's so slow and tips are so awful at both places it's just not gonna cut it, we need to make some budget changes NOW!!! I can't believe we blow through nearly $300 a month on fast food and smokes, it's just insane. Who does that? I'm on welfare and I have come to realize, I don't have to be if I just cut out some "luxuries" and "extras". I feel like shit, here I was blaming the slow nights at the bar and the little old ladies in the morning that think a dollar and a peppermint will get me by when I wait on them at Steak N Shake and low and behold my boyfriend and I are directly responsible for our financial problems. I wish I had done this little math equation sooner because here it is almost Christmas and rent is still not paid nor have we done any Christmas shopping for our 4 little girls....what a sad sad Christmas morning it will be when we have one present each for them under the tree and an eviction notice on our front door. How nice. I'm upset as hell and I hope we can cut out these extras just in time to save our asses from having Christmas in the street. I would like to blame fast food advertising and the tobacco industry, but everyone does that. It's time I take my life into my own hands and say, "I have will power and I shall use it for the greater good for myself and my family!" So folks I suppose the only advice I have for the rest of you that may find yourselves short on money at times is to just calculate your bank statements....go ahead and go through your bank statements and discover how much money you can save by indulging less in the things that are "more convenient" or "a treat" because they add up more than you realize.
Feeling a little more enlightened
Zeriah