I'm sitting here on my day off listening to Creep by Radiohead and I'm so terrified by actually fulfiling my dreams that I sit here and do nothing. I would have no trouble goin out and doing what I feel I want and can do but instead I just here. I watch tv, listen to music, jerk off, surf the net, daydream, and watch as the moments fly by. And my favorite activity...basking in my self-hatred. Its so frustrating knowing exactly what I need to do in order to improve my life and yet not do it. I know I will feel better once I start doing but I do not. (Sometimes I just don't like contractions.) Don't forget, we are creatures of habit and its hard doing nothing, you never know when you are done.

I know this is kinda random but I was just looking at Diedre's first set (my new favorite suicide girl) and it made me decide that I will learn to play guitar in the new year and at the very least be able to get along in Italian. No matter what though, I have to write another story that I actually like.

I'm looking foreward to New Year's Eve and hoping I won't get arrested for public drunkeness (came very close on my birthday, who knew you couldn't ride on top of your car!). I hope all you loveable SG freaks have a Happy New Year!

What if you really believed there was some kind of greatness within you? Would you do something about it? Would the knowledge of your potential greatness be as frightening as the idea that it really might not be there at all? What would you do?

I wanted to write something prolific. I just wish that could learn to spend my time to doing things that interest me instead of daydreaming, watching tv or smokin weed. The good thing is that since I've been smoking weed, I've been drinking less. I'm taking an EMT class, its really interesting. I enjoy it. Except I can't seem to get myself to study. I would rather just sit and stare at the ceiling dreaming of a better life instead of getting one. Sometimes I believe I like the idea of things better then I actually like doing them. I need to go the gym.

I'm going with this girl. For about a month now. I like her. She seems to like me. She thinks I'm smart. She's really smart. She makes her living playing bass in an orchestra. I work retail. She's really cool. Its been hard trying to think of her as my girlfriend, sometimes i feel like she's just this really cool chick I fuck. I feel like I should be trying to fall in love with her. Its tough and I'm high. I'm eating some delicious Dominos pizza.

Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length
-Robert Frost

I couldn't think of anything prphetic and original

And were an epitaph be my story
I'd have a short one ready for my own
I would have written of me on my stone
I had a lover's quarrel with the world
-Robert Frost

I was just reading some erotic poetry by e.e. cummings

I don't believe in sex or lovemaking anymore

I do believe in fucking and any girl who believes in the same thing

I don't believe in anything. Not in John, not Yoko, not the Beatles or the Walrus and not me.

I need a haircut and a shave.

Its times like these that make me believe I don't want to write, but I can't believe in a world where I don't. I tried for a time to forget it, but it almost killed me, well, spiritually.

For the past hour there has been lightning but no thunder. Its been making silouhettes of the trees. There was a severe thunderstorm warning for my area, but it didn't pan out. I'm disappointed. I love the kind of thunder that rocks the house.