so I guess I do Like this place I just paid for another year....

yeah....angry....sorry...I feel better now

turns out SG is full of idiots... and I forget this from time to time ... all the nakedness I guess then I go to the chat or some random group that is not about showing pictures of tits or ass .. and remember. that excludes the freenix group.. the only group I have ever seen any sort of non bullshit posts. oh well I am back to my origianl thought let this subscription lapse... but it's pretty cheap porn.... yep it's porn douchebag!..... I am a little drunk... but I am pretty sure this is how I feel.

let's admit the truth if you know I am here then let me know. cuz it's too weird when we pretend... listen I have seen your boobs. it's cool. we're not so close that this should be weird.

so my fiancee's dad bought us a Bmw a few months ago but he lives in North carolina but tomorrow we are going to get it then drive it back here... this should be awesome.

the future she's a coming. I'm trying to get prepared. I spent most of my life avoiding it then one day or more like one month shit changed I've been with laura for almost 5 years now. at first I thought this was my reward for taking the time to really figure myself out and I still think she is my reward but this is also work not just work stressful work.
ok so we are getting married in February. that part is easy. We've been living in the same place almost the entire time we have been together so we have to get out but she's been my sugar mama while I go to school so we can't really afford that shit until I am done in december. but we might want to leave this damn state maybe grad school?, buy a house?, and in a few years we will be talking about having kids. I can't think about al of this at once. individually none of them scare me it's the group that freaks me out. we still have some travelling to do, we don't want to settle down in arizona. I got to get my shit together some sort of order of operations. sorry I am super tired ... this makes no sense.

maybe it'll be better if I give this to the internets and since I have no friends here this is the place to do it. The subject is I guess friends and enemies.
let's go backwards.
I can write a long story to no one or a short story for me guess which one I choose.
I too often think of my life as a movie and when I do there are 3 arch rivals(?) I always come back to. I watch from my computer spy when possible and try to figure out the score. I hope on the surface and well deep down that their lives are horrible. part of me knows they will fail based on knowledge of their character flaws. The problem is the hunger. I need to know. all the time. now of the 3 foes 1 has been vanquished... second kid with a 20 year old idiot, no job, coke habit, and still hasn't finished the last semester needed to get his BFA. I win. the second is not as easy. Let's see he has all the friends we once shared ... pretty much... but it really only bothers me when I see pictures of him with my friends. Luckily for me I can block out my feeling pretty well sometimes so I don't think about them. part of me hates them as well so fuck it. the curious case of the third could take years to explain so we skip to the begining... we were friends... the middle... she betrayed me..... the sorta important fact... she's bat shit crazy... now... she's on the outside very happy. i want her to fail. I do know everytime my name is mentioned she loses her cool... that I like. all my evil fantasies involve her. but I am content to watch herself destruct. sorta content. .... I also am very much sexually attracted to her. bat shit cray.. wanna see her naked.. worst human being I have ever known.... curious about her nipple type(light, dark, small , big...puffy?) I can only compare this feeling to the guilt of watching a friend hurt himself .
ok I am tired I will continue this rant
later

maybe I should be ashamed of that last post.... naw.. it's cool

so here's an obvious news flash. I like tits and ass. I am ... well one drunk and two looking at my favorite pictures and it's all about tits or ass with very few exceptions. oh and I changed the order of my favorite suicide girls. the onl one who has ever commented on my blog is now my number one. She is also cute as hell and that doesn't hurt!..... so right I have no real friends on suicide girls so I can just say whatever right? she also seems sad. and I'm not sure if that is real sad or emo sad .. so I tried to read her entire blog...turns out a year of everyday or atleast everyother day blogging is hard to read. anyhow I got about half way though and while I never got the straight forward explanation I will except that she is most likely not a fake. this is ofcourse a good thing
and I am an asshole for writing this blog. ofcourse I am always an ass... not always on purpose... so sorry is what I am saying. did I mention the drinking I did tonight?
anyhow sorry.