IPOD
RADIO
we set off tommorow for london, so this will be my last blog untill we get back.
im 26 weeks in like a day or two, and baby louis will be looking something like this
i cant tell you how much this amazes me..... this whole journey is just blowing my mind.
his movements are so much stronger and harder, but i love every minute of it. every time he kicks or punches or just turns rounds, i just love how it feels. its the most reasurring feeling in the world. i just want to protect him and keep him safe and shower him with love.
those of you who know me well know that i have issues with my own mother, and that its clear to everyone that she for some reason has never ever loved me the same as her other children, right from a very very young age. i have no idea why but its never gotten easier to deal with, for some reason, you always try to get your mother to love you.....even if its never gonna happen.
anyway, they say that when you become pregnant, you can relate to your mother more and feel closer to her. but i have found that the opposite has happened. i feel so far away from her even though she lives just down the road. i see her and hear from her less now than i ever have. she never asks me how i am, she doesnt even know how far pregnant i am, or when the due date is (even though she has been told) shes just not exited or bothered, im not my sister so its not as important to her.
and instead of relating....i understand her even less.....i know that i could never ever be to louis what she has/hasnt been to me. i could never make him question his own worth at the age of 5. never. and when he grows up and finds love be it with a guy or a girl, i will be so happy for him, and if he has children i will be so proud and supportive.
i just cant understand any of her decisions regarding me. and its not like this is in the past, she is like this everyday, she still treats me different, she still makes me question my worth.
but i know louis has brians mum and dad as grandparents who will care so much and are so exited about his whole existance, they will never make him feel second best.
and he has a shitload of aunties and uncles here on sg!!!
he will never be unloved
im 26 weeks in like a day or two, and baby louis will be looking something like this
i cant tell you how much this amazes me..... this whole journey is just blowing my mind.
his movements are so much stronger and harder, but i love every minute of it. every time he kicks or punches or just turns rounds, i just love how it feels. its the most reasurring feeling in the world. i just want to protect him and keep him safe and shower him with love.
those of you who know me well know that i have issues with my own mother, and that its clear to everyone that she for some reason has never ever loved me the same as her other children, right from a very very young age. i have no idea why but its never gotten easier to deal with, for some reason, you always try to get your mother to love you.....even if its never gonna happen.
anyway, they say that when you become pregnant, you can relate to your mother more and feel closer to her. but i have found that the opposite has happened. i feel so far away from her even though she lives just down the road. i see her and hear from her less now than i ever have. she never asks me how i am, she doesnt even know how far pregnant i am, or when the due date is (even though she has been told) shes just not exited or bothered, im not my sister so its not as important to her.
and instead of relating....i understand her even less.....i know that i could never ever be to louis what she has/hasnt been to me. i could never make him question his own worth at the age of 5. never. and when he grows up and finds love be it with a guy or a girl, i will be so happy for him, and if he has children i will be so proud and supportive.
i just cant understand any of her decisions regarding me. and its not like this is in the past, she is like this everyday, she still treats me different, she still makes me question my worth.
but i know louis has brians mum and dad as grandparents who will care so much and are so exited about his whole existance, they will never make him feel second best.
and he has a shitload of aunties and uncles here on sg!!!
he will never be unloved
JUL 03, 2008 05:38 AM
I know how you feel 
Only my mum is so afraid people will know she treats me so badly in favor of my sister, that she tries too hard to cover it all up and pretend to be a caring parent that she gets psychotic about it all. And at least I know why she treats me so badly
Fuck it, we don't need people like that in our lives, even if they are our mothers. Louis will have an awesome mum and dad, one awesome set of grandparents. Oh and me 
His Aussie aunty 
Enjoy London 
When you get back I'll probably have some pics of my dress, at least ones on a hanger if not me wearing it.
