So again my exploits are blog worthy...I have been talking to this chick for about 3 weeks as friends but we have been getting to know each other her last night in town I asked to see her ...she is with her mother so her mom and her share a room ...Well her mom ends up sharing a room with her BF on the way to meet them she asked me to share a room with her....At this point i am thinking WTF are you serious....So we all go out to dinner and end up downing gracious amounts of wine and lots of jack and coke on my part.

Long story short we end up drinking a lot once we get into the room and getting pretty well smashed
so for a time reference she had a 0600 flight we stopped having sex at 0445 and then again at 0500...honestly best sex I've had all 3 hours of it ....boy that was a good night we conveniently were staying at a hotel around the corner from the Tucson airport so the time worked in our favor right before she boarded the flight we got another quickie and off she went.... embarrassed part was we stayed in an adjoining room from her mother and the door was open so needless to say she could hear everything ...i was so embarrassed when she finally came in the room.....

This leads me to believe there may be something to this whole being an asshole than a nice guy thing...in the past 2 weeks i have been on more dates and had more female attention than i have had in the past 5 years ....what could it possibly be

So alls well that ends well...I got my credit from the airline i used my military status to pull a deal the full 600 bones...I am still taking 30 days of leave and in that time i'll be bouncing part time at the strip club and going to LA to visit a friend....

Lately with women I've been on fire i am not sure ....maybe women can smell a fresh wound who knows..I am still hurt and apprehensive about anything with estrogen but i am going to just try and have a good time...I have actually gotten 5 numbers in the past 4 days.... two of which i believe to be way out of my league....I Guess we will see...It seems when i stopped looking for women they come looking for me who knew.

I was convinced to call one of them at least by a Psyche she's a really really hot hooters waitress who claims to actually like nice guys I guess we shall see.

Women fucking kill me ever time....
short story ...I met a girl in march fell in love with said girl ....girl and me have been doing great she starts second guessing things..i buy plane ticket to Hawaii to see said girl...girl decides she no longer can be in a relationship with me....i am out 600 bucks for a plane ticket i can't get back and 30 days of leave...that I have to take.....i am now very sad and I am trying to figure out honestly whats so hard to love about me...I am glad I have had one friend in particular to confide it....its still hurts though....I have to bounce this whole weekend so i can't really drown my sorrows as i would like to....my self esteem is damaged enough by myself so its always great when a women can rip me to shreds to reinforce the fact that i am worthless...

Now i am sad and will begin drinking heavily again
the only positive side to heart break is i don't have to try so hard to diet since I've eaten nothing solid in 4 days ...now i am sure i wont' for the next 2 weeks

thanks for being a friend Psyche and others who take the time to read my bullshit

I felt like i needed to reward myself since i got nothing for my birthday ...also

I no longer need a girlfriend becuase she is most beautiful girl i have seen I think i'll name her after my favorite SG not sure which one yet...... suggestions?





this has also made me very happy


I miss certain people on here where are you???

I have to say after all my tours in Afghanistan.....and many friend lost i am still happy to say that Karma is a bitch....

though they are Navy i still take my hat off to the SEALS

I need food

So ....I've been out for a while....I did a TDY trip to Maryland last week and got back around Friday ...My iphone took a dive the day before my trip so i traveled with no one's numbers. It sucked i have a better appreciation for smart phones now....

So after already 6 years in the army and 40 months in the hot hot heat I decided to give the army 6 more years of my life last week....I got a cool 12k for it....and I came to the conclusion that i still love the military, I still love the Military culture and the brotherhood..

So in preparation for my trip to Hawaii I am going on a strict diet i have about 7 weeks to get to the weight i want....and i am will be on more supplements than actual food ..while on my trip to Baltimore I drank so much beer and did nothing becuase there was nothing at all to do in that town...

I have to ask women this question WTF is up with ever time i get involved with someone even remotely then i get hit on ever day....its Crazy this shit normally never happens but I've been on fire...I literally got 4 numbers Friday flying from Maryland to Tucson....

This is my new shit I just got this guys mix tape and its refreshing to see hip hop and electronica mixed


This is song i heard a million times on TV that convinced me to cope the EP


I am again off to plot word domination and work on my abs

Life is what it is...

60 days until this thing called my divorce is over or at least she's not here...in the mean time i continue to train and I've got a hold of my drinking...

I go TDY to Maryland days before my birthday April 27th btw...i hope i don't' get stuck out there longer than that, then at the end of May i go to Hawaii ...i can at least surf a bit and see a really good friend soon...
Music has helped me through it.....

shorty i am straight as they say ....
Nas makes me feel great about my life...oh what a gem this is



Brian is to pretty of a guy to ever go to prison, but i love him anyway


Til next time dunny
i am off to work on my abs and plan world domination and hopefully win my fight next week

I shouldn't drink and look at old Photos...I felt like i lost my mind last night...
I guess i have survivors guilt coupled with a low opinion of myself

I have to start talking to someone about this shit before I end up hurting myself...I really need this fucking Vacation ....

I hate my fucking life and everything in it...why could'nt i have just died in Afghanistan instead of him he was a better person than I.....while i am waste of fucking space and flesh....i am seriously thinking of slitting my fucking wrist right now...no one would give a fuck

I feel like beating a dead horse with these shitty feelings...It sucks this is all i have to talk about ..but it is what it is....

I know I am not perfect by any means but I think I deserve to be happy and that seems to escape me ...I am in such a crappy mood right now...when you want something you'll not settle for anything less...so knowing that thing that I want is probably out of reach for all time is pretty heart breaking....

On top of that this divorce shit is breaking me financially, its all good ..i am still planning on my trip to the UK and Europe even if i have to break into my savings.........


feeling this song a lot lately

I have to stop with this shit i have to find a way to not let my depression, low self esteem and self pity, eat me alive...i know have to be stronger than this .....I've won 4 out of 6 of my fights to qualify for the tournament..i am off to train very very hard i am really in a shitty mood i am a mixture of explosive anger at myself and my imperfections and deep sadness ...I have to use this and push fucking forward and stop being fucking weak....at the very least today will be a great day in the gym and on the mat....I see my opponent now as this person that I could never be this person that has everything in life that I've never had, ever girl I've ever wanted but was passed over for...i think this and i know i have to crush them when the match starts.....

I just hope i can harness these bad feelings for good and not succumb to my drinking....