feeling was right. got broken up with. he wouldn't write back to anything else. i don't like that. i wasn't like harsh or...you know aggressive or even passive aggressive i hope. oh spell check seems to be off.

cried much yesterday. ate a lot. puked up like half perhaps.

didn't drink yesterday. but am drinking wine now. i wish more than more it was vodka, this is mainly so i pass out.
i did not sleep at all last night which was shocking as i had slept for about forty minutes before that.

liife can be worse. what touched me most is that my dad was proud of me for giving this my all. basically the only time i ever truly apply myself and give my all in life is for fucking love. not what'd i'd prefer. no. i'm thirty, i live at home, with no license. i could be worse? i could also be better.

i wanted to be married to him because i got to be a silly ass, truly, in front of him. we clicked. he was in love with me at one point. But i guess that's how it starts. i have so many pictures of him.

Sam is not in coudle mode but wants me to guess what he wants. no thank you sam. i want to drink till i pass out but would prefer to just pass out. i've never that i can remember (shit memory) having NO sleep. went well. I am and always will be pleased that i am still so close to my ex. Not in the naughty way. We care deeply for eachother, Sucked as a couple.

The end...