fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

my entry just got deleted. i seem to fuck things up real easy on the laptop

my allergies seem to be up my butt. Playdate tonight. family play date tomorrow and work and play date Sunday. I can dig it. I miss D. I blarg. I wish he was here right now. He'd be cuddled up with Sam. I wish he didn't have to move away. I have almost 100% decided to stop trying to pursue the guy that is a flake. Blah blah i am better than that or some junk.

I have a good amount of heck going on. I hope to hear if there were any results to be had from the sleep study from a couple weeks ago. I don't like not being able to sleep. I still think about Renato.

I have till May first to either move to Manchester or find a job around town. What i would really like to do is move to Manchester to work part time at my job but like still do something with hair dressing. It's just like, i've been there so long and i can't drive so i can't just roll up and visit my friends when ever. And my close friends don't drive so...Yeah to stay working there, i would get paid well, and see my friends. I only really dislike one person that works there and that fuck i believe is going to a different store at some point.

A pet friendly apartment is about a grand a month so it's like 200 plus more expensive than a place that doesn't allow pets.

I've just been thinking a lot. About who i call my friends and what they really consist of, like on the inside. I'm not sure if that makes sense.

I've also been drinking more (at night) which is pretty shitty, but it helps me fall asleep. It doesn't help me stay asleep at all but i just want sleep. I'm not taking xanax anymore and i'm glad about that because i didn't realize that it was more addictive than ambien. That's a bit fucked!

The problem that got me the boot from rehab hasn't been that bad, except for whatever day...or night, maybe wednesday night. i went a bit over board but i couldn't stop eating!

i got to figure out how to, despite being fucking exhausted inside and out, muster up the motivation to be active to be able to sleep better at night and maybe drop a little weight. I guess being over-weight and having insomnia tend to go hand in hand. That's what the sleep tech told me.

Blah blah. i'm still very sleepy and slept in SOOOO f-ing late today. I didn't mean to but i guess perhaps it was needed.