I Be Making Trades Yo!!
Ok so this week has been absolutely breathtaking. We've had a 5% rally in the S&P 500 in only 1 week's time. We've had all kinds of commodities come down a lot, which has unfortunately also hit gold like a sledgehammer and gold is down about 4 or 5% in the last couple weeks too. Gold generally is weak during the summer, so considering the big run up in everything else we've got I've decided to be a contrarian.
In my IRA today I've sold my insanely awesome REIT Annaly Mortgage (NLY) and put some of the new cash I've been adding in for the last couple months to work and have bought a Dec 17 130 Call for the GLD. With the debt ceiling in danger of not being raised in time in early august, although we have resolved the immediate crisis in Greece for awhile, we still have our own problems to deal with and until today I didnt have any exposure to gold in any of my retirement accounts. Gold will be the only thing to go up if the we default on our debt. I cant afford not to have any in there. Sept is the big wedding season in India and China and that's when we get a huge rally in the price of gold, and so I'm positioning myself to be ahead of that as well.
Now the more interesting part is what to do with my discretionary account. I locked in profits today just before the market closed. I made 70% on my money in two weeks amd im now up 12% year to date overall, beating the s&p by 6%. Now That I cleared my cash from that, the question is what to do with it then. I'll need to take a $1,000 out and pay my debt down with that, but the profits off my trade I'm going to reinvest and see if I can make it grow again. The question is do I buy the underlying stock from my options trade CAT? which I think will have a great quarter in a few weeks, do I play it safe and buy an S&P 500 index fund so I can be properly diverisified, or do I buy NLY for my discretionary account so I can start cashing in on a big dividend and protect myself in case this rally changes direction and goes back down? I'll have some big decisions next week.
Ok so this week has been absolutely breathtaking. We've had a 5% rally in the S&P 500 in only 1 week's time. We've had all kinds of commodities come down a lot, which has unfortunately also hit gold like a sledgehammer and gold is down about 4 or 5% in the last couple weeks too. Gold generally is weak during the summer, so considering the big run up in everything else we've got I've decided to be a contrarian.
In my IRA today I've sold my insanely awesome REIT Annaly Mortgage (NLY) and put some of the new cash I've been adding in for the last couple months to work and have bought a Dec 17 130 Call for the GLD. With the debt ceiling in danger of not being raised in time in early august, although we have resolved the immediate crisis in Greece for awhile, we still have our own problems to deal with and until today I didnt have any exposure to gold in any of my retirement accounts. Gold will be the only thing to go up if the we default on our debt. I cant afford not to have any in there. Sept is the big wedding season in India and China and that's when we get a huge rally in the price of gold, and so I'm positioning myself to be ahead of that as well.
Now the more interesting part is what to do with my discretionary account. I locked in profits today just before the market closed. I made 70% on my money in two weeks amd im now up 12% year to date overall, beating the s&p by 6%. Now That I cleared my cash from that, the question is what to do with it then. I'll need to take a $1,000 out and pay my debt down with that, but the profits off my trade I'm going to reinvest and see if I can make it grow again. The question is do I buy the underlying stock from my options trade CAT? which I think will have a great quarter in a few weeks, do I play it safe and buy an S&P 500 index fund so I can be properly diverisified, or do I buy NLY for my discretionary account so I can start cashing in on a big dividend and protect myself in case this rally changes direction and goes back down? I'll have some big decisions next week.
So during my drive home from Oregon while I was recovering at a rest area they had a missing flier up of this pretty girl a few weeks shy of her 16th birthday. I couldnt help thinking of everything that's going to hit her, and how her beautiful smile wont last much longer.
As I was driving into work yesterday, as I was coming through the off ramp at 164th street I saw this new thin girl with a sign up for money and as I got closer it hit me like a hammer that this was the girl I saw yesterday in the missing poster. I even saw the same lopsided smile she had in the poster. I had moment of shock and recognition looking at her, and then I zoomed on by with traffic into work. I spent the next hour and change looking for her missing profile online between calls at work, and called it in about an hour and a half after i saw her.
Maybe it was her. Maybe it isnt. I'll probably never know for sure. I gave the operator my information and almost everything I saw so if they want to call me with more specific questions they know how to find me, and she turned the information over to the officer working the case. I'm about 80% sure it was her though.
On a gorgeous sunny WA day, where she was apparently homeless and scrounging for cash, the expression on her face said she felt free. If you're a gorgeous 16 year old running away from home and 2 weeks after you're out the door your plan for survival is pan handling, things are going to be ugly. I cant help but feel she was running away from something though. Maybe she did. Maybe she's a party girl who got carried away and wanted an adventure. I'll never know. I'll never be able to seperate my personal bias from my two second experience of recognition. I hope someone finds her though. If she's trying to escape I hope the officer investigating learns enough about her during the hunt to learn how to protect her too. No one should be lost.
I may very well be the last person to ever lay eyes on her that knows her true name. The more she stays away the more she'll be transformed or destroyed. Soon it wont matter how many pictures of her are up, or even if they're staring you in the face she'll be changed to something else incompatible with her old self, if her story doesnt reach an abrupt violent end.
I dont believe in god. I dont believe I was put through this thread of events to put me in that rest area the day before I drive past her on my way to work. That doesnt mean I dont feel the power of the event. I can feel all the different paths her life can take laid out before me. Her life is know adrift in a sea of chaos. We all suffer from what life does to try to push us around, and most of the time we can push back and try to pick our own path, but she will be completely adrift in unpredictable ways. As unpredictable as a stranger in a rest area who just needed to pee paying attention to a missing poster and not forgetting about her once I drove off.
I'll be using her as a reminder of the paths our lives can take. How every day we live can be a fulcrum to completely change our course if we dont follow our momentum. She's a lesson in breaking free and the free fall to the bottom of the cliff.
What if I see her on my way to work today?
As I was driving into work yesterday, as I was coming through the off ramp at 164th street I saw this new thin girl with a sign up for money and as I got closer it hit me like a hammer that this was the girl I saw yesterday in the missing poster. I even saw the same lopsided smile she had in the poster. I had moment of shock and recognition looking at her, and then I zoomed on by with traffic into work. I spent the next hour and change looking for her missing profile online between calls at work, and called it in about an hour and a half after i saw her.
Maybe it was her. Maybe it isnt. I'll probably never know for sure. I gave the operator my information and almost everything I saw so if they want to call me with more specific questions they know how to find me, and she turned the information over to the officer working the case. I'm about 80% sure it was her though.
On a gorgeous sunny WA day, where she was apparently homeless and scrounging for cash, the expression on her face said she felt free. If you're a gorgeous 16 year old running away from home and 2 weeks after you're out the door your plan for survival is pan handling, things are going to be ugly. I cant help but feel she was running away from something though. Maybe she did. Maybe she's a party girl who got carried away and wanted an adventure. I'll never know. I'll never be able to seperate my personal bias from my two second experience of recognition. I hope someone finds her though. If she's trying to escape I hope the officer investigating learns enough about her during the hunt to learn how to protect her too. No one should be lost.
I may very well be the last person to ever lay eyes on her that knows her true name. The more she stays away the more she'll be transformed or destroyed. Soon it wont matter how many pictures of her are up, or even if they're staring you in the face she'll be changed to something else incompatible with her old self, if her story doesnt reach an abrupt violent end.
I dont believe in god. I dont believe I was put through this thread of events to put me in that rest area the day before I drive past her on my way to work. That doesnt mean I dont feel the power of the event. I can feel all the different paths her life can take laid out before me. Her life is know adrift in a sea of chaos. We all suffer from what life does to try to push us around, and most of the time we can push back and try to pick our own path, but she will be completely adrift in unpredictable ways. As unpredictable as a stranger in a rest area who just needed to pee paying attention to a missing poster and not forgetting about her once I drove off.
I'll be using her as a reminder of the paths our lives can take. How every day we live can be a fulcrum to completely change our course if we dont follow our momentum. She's a lesson in breaking free and the free fall to the bottom of the cliff.
What if I see her on my way to work today?
Ok so first off I had to be up by 8am for the plumber to be here because the outside spiggot/faucet on the corner of my house was damaged when they replaced my sewer line last week. So he's here a couple minutes early and gets started, and realizes I need the city to come out and turn the water off, since I dont have a main line shut off valve for the house. So I call the city and they send someone out from the city to turn the water line off to the house. In the mean time Roto Rooter calls and sends a mini manager out to inspect my claim about the line being damaged, which just seemed pretty silly since its a minor outside repair and wasnt a major claim, but then the douchey bastard they sent me was pointing out that the spiggot is run off the water utility so they arent liable for damage of that kind related to the work, and he wasnt completely convinced they did the damage. Him being a moron. So they want to charge me $200 for the work, which is a drop in the bucket compared to the $14k I've already spent, the water is turned off already (which the city charges $44 to have done at the street) and so I bite my fucking lip, agree to the $200 and plan to never do business with them again. By then the solar guy has arrived on site around 9:30am and he gets to work finishing the last smidge of electrical on the house, and the City inspector shows up at 10am on the money to get the solar system inspected. Everything passes fine, and I help the solar installer try to talk the city inspector into installing some solar for himself, and we start to tie up our loose ends. From there the original plumber comes back out, and asks for an update, agrees with me that he could prove reasonably well that damage was done recently etc, and volunteers to do the work for parts only. Major score, we're back in business and Roto Rooter is redeemed with a growly exception for douchey mini manager dude AJ who seemed .... shall we say under trained about how to evaluate what happened at the property. From there original plumber dude fixes one part of the leak, we pull the city guy back out to the hosue to turn the water back on, and it turns out there was another leak below the soil line from when the pipe got hit above ground and broke the connector where it attaches to the water main. So we turn the water back off, send the city guy away, and plumber replaces the next stretch of pipe. We bring the city guy back out and turn the water on, confirm the leaks are finished and now we're wrapping up the last details. In the mean time I'm gonna be a couple hours late for work, so I had to call in for that and hopefully soon I'll be all settled down and finished.
I've had 5 different guys out to the house today. plumber, city water guy, solar installer, douchey fucking mini manager, and city power inspector. that's a lotta traffic for my house in 4 hours. When I come home tonight I'm opening another bottle of wine and passing out.
but solar is installed mutha fuckas! 2.3 KW of power
I've had 5 different guys out to the house today. plumber, city water guy, solar installer, douchey fucking mini manager, and city power inspector. that's a lotta traffic for my house in 4 hours. When I come home tonight I'm opening another bottle of wine and passing out.
but solar is installed mutha fuckas! 2.3 KW of power
So there are some good things about how the whole sewer line thing shook out that I'm grateful for, besides all the obvious reasons I'm pissed about it.
If this had happened during any other six month period in the last 6 years I've been in the house I woulda been screwed. A $13,700 bill was not something I would have had any real capacity to absorb and would have needed to take out a large loan to cover, which would have required me to go hundreds of dollars over budget every month trying to juggle them all. My monthly cash flow isnt actually as safe as it should be, even with me being as aggressive of a saver as I am. Being able to put $150 a month towards emergency savings just wouldnt cover a bill of this scale. Most of my savings came from one time bursts of cash from bonuses, and 3 pay periods in one month, or my tax returns etc, but I did keep saving and was able to build up several months worth of income and was able to grow it. I'm grateful I had enough time to grow my money to cover the bill. I had about $700 of growth last year and $1200 or so this year, and without those I wouldnt have had enough to get this done. You just never know when stuff like that is going to jump out at you, but my aggressive savings and investing pulled me through and really the only impact I'll feel from this, is the next couple weeks while I stress over the funds clearing from the stock sale, and then getting transferred to my checking account in time.
Beyond that though, I feel naked now. All my funds are wiped out and I have almost no capacity to recover from another large shock. I've also been forcibly removed from investing, which is a real pisser cause I enjoy it so much, and now I've been sidelined. So I'm pissy and uneasy. I dont like feeling vulnerable. As they say, you just dont have that same kind of security anymore without the savings. Why do we care about money in the first place? Cause this is the currency of how we go about our daily lives, and if you have enough you can follow the path you want to walk, and if you're short you get a ride down the river instead, a slave to the currents. I dont like thinking about 3 years of savings wiped out, but its time to start thinking about how I can begin the rebuild.
Lotsa Love peoples,
Sean
If this had happened during any other six month period in the last 6 years I've been in the house I woulda been screwed. A $13,700 bill was not something I would have had any real capacity to absorb and would have needed to take out a large loan to cover, which would have required me to go hundreds of dollars over budget every month trying to juggle them all. My monthly cash flow isnt actually as safe as it should be, even with me being as aggressive of a saver as I am. Being able to put $150 a month towards emergency savings just wouldnt cover a bill of this scale. Most of my savings came from one time bursts of cash from bonuses, and 3 pay periods in one month, or my tax returns etc, but I did keep saving and was able to build up several months worth of income and was able to grow it. I'm grateful I had enough time to grow my money to cover the bill. I had about $700 of growth last year and $1200 or so this year, and without those I wouldnt have had enough to get this done. You just never know when stuff like that is going to jump out at you, but my aggressive savings and investing pulled me through and really the only impact I'll feel from this, is the next couple weeks while I stress over the funds clearing from the stock sale, and then getting transferred to my checking account in time.
Beyond that though, I feel naked now. All my funds are wiped out and I have almost no capacity to recover from another large shock. I've also been forcibly removed from investing, which is a real pisser cause I enjoy it so much, and now I've been sidelined. So I'm pissy and uneasy. I dont like feeling vulnerable. As they say, you just dont have that same kind of security anymore without the savings. Why do we care about money in the first place? Cause this is the currency of how we go about our daily lives, and if you have enough you can follow the path you want to walk, and if you're short you get a ride down the river instead, a slave to the currents. I dont like thinking about 3 years of savings wiped out, but its time to start thinking about how I can begin the rebuild.
Lotsa Love peoples,
Sean
Ok time for update!
So big deal number one is I'm finally about recovered from this cold I've been dealing with for the past week. My first cold in nearly 3 years. How did I get this cold you ask? well that would be because I went in for a physical and while I was there, picked it up from one of the sick people there! Yeah at first I figured it was just because I had a bad reaction to the tetanus shot they gave me, but then it dragged on for a few days and really fucked me up, and I admitted I had a real cold. I had to take sick time for the first time in years, and I was pretty fucking pissed bout it. Ive still got some cruddies I need to push out the rest of the way in my lungs, but I got ambitious yesterday and went for a short 1.5 mile run to help get my body back into gear so I'm pretty happy about that. I got my new running shoes yesterday too and they were fucking amazing shoes, so that helped inspire me to man up and get it done.
Big Deal Number Dos! I got a great bonus from work this year, which will really kick ass because I'm using that to help cover the deposit and other startup costs to get 2.4 KW of SOLAR INSTALLED ON MY HOUSE! Gimme some Hell yeahs! Its going to be pretty freaking sweet. I only have to put down $1000 deposit down, and my local utility is gonna give me a 2.9% rate loan for the cost of the system on a 10 year basis, and the state is going to pay me 54c /kwh I produce AND I still qualify for the 30% federal return for the system. So basically by the end of the 10 years the system would have paid for itself and then I'll still have 10 or 20 years of free power afterwards. The payments and everything will be handled directly through my utility bill and be handled just like a normal bill. Since I'm going to get the loan for the full price of the system, the monthly rate will be about $70 a month more than Im paying on my utility bill currently, but then I'll get about 7 grand back from it on my next tax return, and I'm going to invest that in high dividend stocks and I think I can pretty comfortably beat a 3% return. Hopefully I'll be able to pay the cost of the system off in about 6 or 7 years this way. I'm gonna split the cash evenly between CPFL Energia, yielding about 7%, NLY Annaly Mortgage that yields 14% (but wont grow in share price), and KMR a pipeline MLP that yeilds 6%+. As soon as those original investments get big enough to cover the remaining balance on the loan I'm cashing them all out and paying it off.
Things have been going great with my Lo as well. We've had a much more relaxed feel about us for the last few weeks and its something I really want to try to nurture more. She's been working her ass off for her choir and its a big trauma to her on a regular basis, and especially the girls choir has been shitty lately. Her payoff for doing the job is working with the girls.... and when the girls are being teenage girls ...... well the pay off isnt really making the work seem like a good use of time. I think the girls have been worked hard for so long that they just couldnt hold it together any longer and had to start fraying at the edges...... but I'm just a boy outsider so I could also be completely off.
AND NEW ORCHID PICS!!
So big deal number one is I'm finally about recovered from this cold I've been dealing with for the past week. My first cold in nearly 3 years. How did I get this cold you ask? well that would be because I went in for a physical and while I was there, picked it up from one of the sick people there! Yeah at first I figured it was just because I had a bad reaction to the tetanus shot they gave me, but then it dragged on for a few days and really fucked me up, and I admitted I had a real cold. I had to take sick time for the first time in years, and I was pretty fucking pissed bout it. Ive still got some cruddies I need to push out the rest of the way in my lungs, but I got ambitious yesterday and went for a short 1.5 mile run to help get my body back into gear so I'm pretty happy about that. I got my new running shoes yesterday too and they were fucking amazing shoes, so that helped inspire me to man up and get it done.
Big Deal Number Dos! I got a great bonus from work this year, which will really kick ass because I'm using that to help cover the deposit and other startup costs to get 2.4 KW of SOLAR INSTALLED ON MY HOUSE! Gimme some Hell yeahs! Its going to be pretty freaking sweet. I only have to put down $1000 deposit down, and my local utility is gonna give me a 2.9% rate loan for the cost of the system on a 10 year basis, and the state is going to pay me 54c /kwh I produce AND I still qualify for the 30% federal return for the system. So basically by the end of the 10 years the system would have paid for itself and then I'll still have 10 or 20 years of free power afterwards. The payments and everything will be handled directly through my utility bill and be handled just like a normal bill. Since I'm going to get the loan for the full price of the system, the monthly rate will be about $70 a month more than Im paying on my utility bill currently, but then I'll get about 7 grand back from it on my next tax return, and I'm going to invest that in high dividend stocks and I think I can pretty comfortably beat a 3% return. Hopefully I'll be able to pay the cost of the system off in about 6 or 7 years this way. I'm gonna split the cash evenly between CPFL Energia, yielding about 7%, NLY Annaly Mortgage that yields 14% (but wont grow in share price), and KMR a pipeline MLP that yeilds 6%+. As soon as those original investments get big enough to cover the remaining balance on the loan I'm cashing them all out and paying it off.
Things have been going great with my Lo as well. We've had a much more relaxed feel about us for the last few weeks and its something I really want to try to nurture more. She's been working her ass off for her choir and its a big trauma to her on a regular basis, and especially the girls choir has been shitty lately. Her payoff for doing the job is working with the girls.... and when the girls are being teenage girls ...... well the pay off isnt really making the work seem like a good use of time. I think the girls have been worked hard for so long that they just couldnt hold it together any longer and had to start fraying at the edges...... but I'm just a boy outsider so I could also be completely off.
AND NEW ORCHID PICS!!
Ok time for new post.
I've gotten way too slackerly lately. the last week or so has been a good one. I've had some good days with Tess with some happy sex. The snow has been annoying, but mostly I just hate the fucking cold as hell days we've got. I've been sleeping on the couch to make sure I can stay warm near the fire about half the nights. My orchids seem to be starting to recover a bit too now that I've been leaving the lights on close to 24 hours a day. After the big die off I'm more than a little relieved for that. I really need to get them moved into the kitchen, but I need to buy some shelving to do that and I've got a bit too much credit card debt still to be comfy spending another $100 to do the setup. I know it'll save me a little cash on the electric bill only needing one grow light instead of 2, but I still dont know how I'm gonna fit the feral orange tree back there. it's gonna take some tinkering ><
Otherwise the other plants are starting to recover from their stress, but its still a very slow process. I really wanna work with their genetics, so it'll be worth the effort, but I hate the extra downtime. We gotta figure out a way we can maintain the line so its not just a one time shot. I dont have a huge problem growing from seed, but with such a great plant on hand I'd rather stick with it if its at all possible. 2 of them have new growth that's pretty stable looking so I'm hopefull.
In other news I totally nailed my chowder yesterday. I totally wanted to do it as clam chowder, but by the time I got to the end and had added the fried salmon and little bit of pollock, I decided it didnt really need it so I left the clams out and just made seafood chowder instead. I also completely forgot how fucking awesome melted organic butter is. I cut a little sleeve into the heel of a nice loaf of sourdough and tucked in some thin slices of butter and it all just melted together into glorious glory!! with the little bit of cayene and some worcestershire sauce it really popped beautifully. I had it simmering prolly longer than it needed to so everything was really broken down by the end, but it was still a nice consistent hearty bit of chowder.
I've gotten way too slackerly lately. the last week or so has been a good one. I've had some good days with Tess with some happy sex. The snow has been annoying, but mostly I just hate the fucking cold as hell days we've got. I've been sleeping on the couch to make sure I can stay warm near the fire about half the nights. My orchids seem to be starting to recover a bit too now that I've been leaving the lights on close to 24 hours a day. After the big die off I'm more than a little relieved for that. I really need to get them moved into the kitchen, but I need to buy some shelving to do that and I've got a bit too much credit card debt still to be comfy spending another $100 to do the setup. I know it'll save me a little cash on the electric bill only needing one grow light instead of 2, but I still dont know how I'm gonna fit the feral orange tree back there. it's gonna take some tinkering ><
Otherwise the other plants are starting to recover from their stress, but its still a very slow process. I really wanna work with their genetics, so it'll be worth the effort, but I hate the extra downtime. We gotta figure out a way we can maintain the line so its not just a one time shot. I dont have a huge problem growing from seed, but with such a great plant on hand I'd rather stick with it if its at all possible. 2 of them have new growth that's pretty stable looking so I'm hopefull.
In other news I totally nailed my chowder yesterday. I totally wanted to do it as clam chowder, but by the time I got to the end and had added the fried salmon and little bit of pollock, I decided it didnt really need it so I left the clams out and just made seafood chowder instead. I also completely forgot how fucking awesome melted organic butter is. I cut a little sleeve into the heel of a nice loaf of sourdough and tucked in some thin slices of butter and it all just melted together into glorious glory!! with the little bit of cayene and some worcestershire sauce it really popped beautifully. I had it simmering prolly longer than it needed to so everything was really broken down by the end, but it was still a nice consistent hearty bit of chowder.
Ok time for a quickie journal. Ive been slacking the last week or so. My last entry had weight though so I felt I had enough karma built up to last me awhile.
I got the light finally set up and its running cool, which is freaking awesome. Its barely 80 in the room now with htings closed up. Its gonna be really nice to have so much intensity without the heat limitations. Im liking my odds of being able get them to revert and start growing again, but its gonnna take a long as time to deal with it. I hope I can be successful and find a way to keep them going for years. Its a rare bit of genetics and needs to be preserved.
I respeced Dev to destro today and went on some BGs today, and I was actually able to hold my own again. I was getting really fucking tired of getting smashed withtout a good way to finish my opponents. Chaos bolt has some nice kick, and conflagrate has a nice short recast now so its not nearly as lumpy as it used to be. The downside though is i have no snare and fear is still really long cast time, and howl is a second and a half now as destro. I really need to be more careful with using my aoe stun though, ive been using it as an opening attack instead of as control once im engaged. Although I can actually put a lot of pressure on hunters now, that im starting to enjoy.
I was supposed to get some sleep in, but I forgot it was ultimate fighter and storm chasers night and I couldnt resist. I need to go get some rest and see about getting to sleep asap.
I got the light finally set up and its running cool, which is freaking awesome. Its barely 80 in the room now with htings closed up. Its gonna be really nice to have so much intensity without the heat limitations. Im liking my odds of being able get them to revert and start growing again, but its gonnna take a long as time to deal with it. I hope I can be successful and find a way to keep them going for years. Its a rare bit of genetics and needs to be preserved.
I respeced Dev to destro today and went on some BGs today, and I was actually able to hold my own again. I was getting really fucking tired of getting smashed withtout a good way to finish my opponents. Chaos bolt has some nice kick, and conflagrate has a nice short recast now so its not nearly as lumpy as it used to be. The downside though is i have no snare and fear is still really long cast time, and howl is a second and a half now as destro. I really need to be more careful with using my aoe stun though, ive been using it as an opening attack instead of as control once im engaged. Although I can actually put a lot of pressure on hunters now, that im starting to enjoy.
I was supposed to get some sleep in, but I forgot it was ultimate fighter and storm chasers night and I couldnt resist. I need to go get some rest and see about getting to sleep asap.
Dear mr journal,
So today Chris told me something really disturbing. Among the other daily business of not having my cuttings ready, we got started talking about Annelise at some point, and he told me a time when she asked his opinion of whether or not she thought Id be interested in a one night stand, when she was in between lovers. The thought is almost too terrifying to imagine. Im 80% sure id be strong enough to say no, but that other twenty is just too much to even contemplate. The idea of having e woman I loved, and couldnt have being lonely or horney and wanting me for a nighth, but just one night only. To have one taste of what I had wanted for so long, for one little slice of heaven I could never have again.... The thought of it is just devastating. Id have been lost and unconsolable for at least a year. I can barely comprehend how my life would have been changed by a night of that.
The flip side to that would have been, if I could have held it together and told her the right answer of NO, it may have helped cut me loose from her a bit sooner. I wish I could have found a way to help steer this better with us. She started out so phenominal and a great free spirit, and so adorable and fun, but she became reckless with herself, and its hard to imagine how the turn corupted so much. I do misss our late night hang outs, and I miss having her around so I could have all the safties off. Luckily I have Tess now and I dont need Annelise, or ghosts of her anymore. its too bad I couldnt save a friendship though. Its hard to judge how things could have been, if its been five years since somethhing has happened, since we'lltend to be very selective of our memories. I do believe though if she hadnt been so reckless i wouldnt have felt so compelled to be protective of her, and it wouldnt have soured things so badly. But on the Upside though I did realize back then that protecting someone who didnt want to be protected was never going to work, and thats why I had to say goodbye.
Although on the upside of talking with Chris about Annelise, is he did mention the last time he saw her she was at a bar, and althhough she was flirting with two guys, more importantly she was making out with a hot blonde, and Im positive that was going to be Rose. Now that conjures really happy thoughts. Im going to apologize to my lady love here, but I figure as long as im imaging two girls going at it, and my penis isnt involved itll be a forgivable sin.
Ok its really late so Im gonna call it there.
Warm fuzzies
So today Chris told me something really disturbing. Among the other daily business of not having my cuttings ready, we got started talking about Annelise at some point, and he told me a time when she asked his opinion of whether or not she thought Id be interested in a one night stand, when she was in between lovers. The thought is almost too terrifying to imagine. Im 80% sure id be strong enough to say no, but that other twenty is just too much to even contemplate. The idea of having e woman I loved, and couldnt have being lonely or horney and wanting me for a nighth, but just one night only. To have one taste of what I had wanted for so long, for one little slice of heaven I could never have again.... The thought of it is just devastating. Id have been lost and unconsolable for at least a year. I can barely comprehend how my life would have been changed by a night of that.
The flip side to that would have been, if I could have held it together and told her the right answer of NO, it may have helped cut me loose from her a bit sooner. I wish I could have found a way to help steer this better with us. She started out so phenominal and a great free spirit, and so adorable and fun, but she became reckless with herself, and its hard to imagine how the turn corupted so much. I do misss our late night hang outs, and I miss having her around so I could have all the safties off. Luckily I have Tess now and I dont need Annelise, or ghosts of her anymore. its too bad I couldnt save a friendship though. Its hard to judge how things could have been, if its been five years since somethhing has happened, since we'lltend to be very selective of our memories. I do believe though if she hadnt been so reckless i wouldnt have felt so compelled to be protective of her, and it wouldnt have soured things so badly. But on the Upside though I did realize back then that protecting someone who didnt want to be protected was never going to work, and thats why I had to say goodbye.
Although on the upside of talking with Chris about Annelise, is he did mention the last time he saw her she was at a bar, and althhough she was flirting with two guys, more importantly she was making out with a hot blonde, and Im positive that was going to be Rose. Now that conjures really happy thoughts. Im going to apologize to my lady love here, but I figure as long as im imaging two girls going at it, and my penis isnt involved itll be a forgivable sin.
Ok its really late so Im gonna call it there.
Warm fuzzies
New post time
The last couple days havent been too bad. I miss hearing from Tess so I'll be giving her a call soon. My new light showed up fubar, but I sent an email with pics of the problem to the OEM and before I could even read and reply to their message they had a new one on its way UPS, so that scored some major points with me. It'll be minor PITA to get the old one to UPS to ship out, but shouldnt be too bad. the biggest issue is gonna be camping the front door to make sure I get the new new light, since on my week days off I need to be getting my replacement registration and to get ready to replace my headlamps in my car.... and its just gonna be raining for the next week, and my freaking car is making groaning noises when I break. ..... ok well I take that back I guess the last couple days have been kinda shitty after all huh ?
The last couple days havent been too bad. I miss hearing from Tess so I'll be giving her a call soon. My new light showed up fubar, but I sent an email with pics of the problem to the OEM and before I could even read and reply to their message they had a new one on its way UPS, so that scored some major points with me. It'll be minor PITA to get the old one to UPS to ship out, but shouldnt be too bad. the biggest issue is gonna be camping the front door to make sure I get the new new light, since on my week days off I need to be getting my replacement registration and to get ready to replace my headlamps in my car.... and its just gonna be raining for the next week, and my freaking car is making groaning noises when I break. ..... ok well I take that back I guess the last couple days have been kinda shitty after all huh ?
Ok new post time!
Soooo my lights are gonna show up tomorow and thatll kick ass! And how fuuny, cause I just found out one of my headlighhts burned out. So I asked my car guy at work if there were any cool products out and they actually got LED headlights now, so Ilike the idea of swapping out to LEDs that Ill never need to replace, but thatll run me about 200 and I rwlly wasnt planning on blowing that much for a refit. .on the upside itll lok great and should be a lot brighter. So i think im gonna do it anyways. I watched a youtube clip of the install to swap out the headlamps and it didnt look bad at all, so well see if my non existant car skills can put it together.
I should prolly have some more stuff but shit its late. I need me some bed!
Soooo my lights are gonna show up tomorow and thatll kick ass! And how fuuny, cause I just found out one of my headlighhts burned out. So I asked my car guy at work if there were any cool products out and they actually got LED headlights now, so Ilike the idea of swapping out to LEDs that Ill never need to replace, but thatll run me about 200 and I rwlly wasnt planning on blowing that much for a refit. .on the upside itll lok great and should be a lot brighter. So i think im gonna do it anyways. I watched a youtube clip of the install to swap out the headlamps and it didnt look bad at all, so well see if my non existant car skills can put it together.
I should prolly have some more stuff but shit its late. I need me some bed!
SEPTEMBER 2011
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AUGUST 2011
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JULY 2011
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