Okay, better now finally. A week of being bedridden sucked so very badly... fuck it, I can smoke again now! Wooo! Black lungs!!! Seriously though, I couldn't do anything, it sucked. I tried watching tv and listening to music, but the lights and noise aggravated my stomach. I tried getting online but having to sit up messed with my stomach, so that was only done in small doses. I pretty much just slept all day everyday. It fucking sucked.

So, other news? I finally finished writing my query letter that will be sent out in hopes of getting a literary agent. Now I just need to decide which agents I'll send it to. Sadly that won't be for a while, no ink in my printer, and no money to get more any time soon...

Fuck it, it's still progress right? The deadline for applying to the master's program was only 5 days ago so odds are they're barely getting started going through applications. And already my mother is acting like I didn't get in and need to move on to something else. So very supportive isn't she? This of vourse is the same woman who says I've done nothing with my life, and no, she doesn't count the fact that I WROTE A FUCKING NOVEL!!! as doing something.

Sorry, pisses me off though, I graduated college, wrote a book which I'm working on getting published, and am trying to start my masters degree. Yet some how my alcoholic sister who flunked out of college three times and was fired from her last two jobs is doing better than I am.

Upside... right? I wrote a book, I'm still trying to get published but making progress. Gotta try to look at the upside, not my dysfunctional family shit. I'm trying, I really am, they just make it hard sometimes.

Good god I desperately need a win, socially, career-wise, academically, romantically, somewhere. I just really need a fucking win right now...

An older song, true, but a damn good one. Being bedridden and sick still after going to the ER Thursday isn't fun. Going on 5 days stuck in bed now. So today is one of those days where I wish I could dedicate this song to all the people I know in real life. Seriously, friends and family suck at the moment.

Still no word from the masters program and it's driving me crazy.

And after a month, only one person I asked has bothered to read my book. I guess it wasn't very good eh? This is why I never wanted to write something other people would read. No one I know ever bothers to give me feedback on anything, so I start assuming it's negative feedback.

And I'm too paranoid to ask people online to read it, don't want it getting out that way.

I seriously need better people in my life, the ones in it now suck.

Still fucking love this song...

FLCL was such an awesome show.

Enough deranged ranting from the lonely guy, gonna try to get back to sleep now, tired of being sick damn it.

Okay, if this is the alternative, I preferred having nothing to blog about. Yesterday around 6 in the morning I was finally trying to sleep when I got this intense pain in my stomach, three hours later it hadn't gotten any better and I ended up in the emergency room. Thankfully it's nothing serious, but I ended up with some pills to stop the cramping and vicodin for the pain. I don't seem to get sick all that often, but when I do, I always end up in the goddamn hospital.

It's too bad I was there unshowered and in serious pain, my nurse was pretty damn cute...

I wish I had a life... I felt like I should do a new blog but my lack of life has me at a loss for what to say here at the moment. And unlike other blogs I've seen this isn't one of those I have no life blogs you see here that is followed by a series of pictures showing that I really do have a good life. This is just rambling for the sake of rambling. I could always leave you with a funny pic or a video, but I'm too lazy.

I got someone working on a pic for my book and no offense to him, but I've learned not to put all my eggs in one basket, so I'll ask again. Anyone an artist or know an artist? I need a cover for my book.

And now that I'm done wasting our time, mine writing yours reading, back to the nothing I was doing before.

I need an artist!!!

Okay, so here's the deal. i finished my book and my friend finished reading it. We were talking about it and he had a pretty good idea for a cover for it. The trouble is that I can't even draw stick figures, so it's no good unless I can find someone who can draw.

But here's the kicker, I have no guarantee that it'll be used when I finally manage to get published, and I have no money so it would be just kind of a for the hell of it thing. But still, if anyone knows anyone who would be willing, I'd appreciate the help.

They made a movie about Battleship, you know it's only a matter of time.

Cat's being weird, wanting attention and such. He doesn't usually do that...

So yeah, I've been looking into getting a literary agent, and it occurs to me that I really need a title for my book. And the more I think about it the harder it fucking gets to think of a good title. Fuck!

So yeah, I just got another idea for a story I can write, it's based on a really crazy, in depth dream I had a few years back. I always thought it would make a good story, but until now never really believed I could actually make a good story out of it. So yeah, another idea for a good story, ideas are beginning to get backlogged here... At least I have the sense to write them down so I don't forget them when I finally sit down to write again.

Man, the longer I stay unemployed the more this song hits home.


Damn... anyway, if anyone happens to know someone in the publishing business, let me know, I could use the help.

Also, very bored here, anyone want to talk? Anyone?

I seriously need to start writing more. Yeah, I finished one book, which eventually needs to go through the editing process, but that's best left till later.

Anyway, after that I have two more I wanted to write involving those characters, I have one that I was working on before I started the one I actually finished, which I need to get back to and try to finish. And sitting here watching tv, out of fucking nowhere I get an idea for another story. The new idea has nothing to do with what I was watching, which means that even I don't understand the way my fucked up mind works.

I seem to have opened the flood gates here. Not sure if that's good or bad yet. Depends on how many of these ideas I actually manage to put to paper I guess. I have the free time, I have the ideas and the ability, but good god I lack motivation. Too lazy for my own good.


Was watching Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist earlier. Good movie, really good soundtrack. The only problem I have with romantic comedies is that they remind me of just how sad my life is. I don't have badass friends like that, I never have nights like that, and I damn well never get the girl like that...


Well, the sad truth is that my life isn't a movie, it's more like one of those really bad sitcoms where the main character is the only single guy in a group of married or dating couples. Shitty start as is, but then they have to write in every shitty thing they can for the protagonist of the show, leaving him jobless, friendless, and alone.


Too many pictures. Does it show that a lot of my free time is spent on the internet? Fuck it, so very bored it really doesn't matter. And the insomnia man... anyway, I leave you with one final thought.

Well crap, it's my damn cooking day and I really don't know that much about cooking beyond a few meals I know how to make. Sadly we have none of these, so I was handed a bag of frozen chicken tenders and told to make something.



This could end badly...

I don't have any friends. When the fuck did that happen? I know that once upon a time I had a good group of friends and we used to actually hang out once in a while. Tonight my brother graduated from college and wanted to go to the bar to celebrate. He knows my friends and gets along with them so he told me to invite them. A few calls and texts later I have everyone telling me no, they can't make it.

I took a few minutes to think back on the last several times I invited them out and the same thing happened each time. Now I understand that people have lives and responsibilities and such, but still... When did it come to the point where nobody could make time for friends anymore?

Out of all of us who used to hang out all the time that are still living in this city, I'm the only single guy left. I really do get it, you want to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But goddamn it why do they always cut off all contact with the single guy?

The only reason this pisses me off as much as it does is because anytime they're having relationship problems they come running back to old Zoidberg here. Oh, you're having problems so you want me to listen to you bitch about it? Let me just take a few minutes to pretend I give a fuck so i can listen to your tales of woe and heartbreak.



Hooray, a nice picture of my loneliness, all that's missing is the cat. Though don't be fooled, he's wandering around here somewhere. Most likely plotting my death, evil little shit.

Anyway, we still went out, me my brother, his wife, my sister, and a bunch of my sister's friends. Good god that was boring. Those people my sister, a woman who spends every night at the bar getting wasted, anyway the people she knows are complete trash. And she expects us to play nice when all i want to do is get the fuck out.

Well, one good thing, my professors finally got my letters of recommendation in, so now I'm just waiting to hear if I'm accepted or not.

Job hunt is still going nowhere. Found this pic on 9gag, very true.

Only I'm in my 5th month, so I've gone even further off the deep end...

I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself and getting dramatic again. I do have friends, they just really really suck at the moment.

Watching Hanna, good movie, love this freaking song.


One upside to going to my brother's 3 hour long graduation is that i was able to get some notes for a couple chapters in the sequel to my book. Yes, I finished one, now I have to get started on the next two to complete the trilogy. So yeah, I got some notes, now I just need to start writing.

You still reading this crap? If so, you fucking rock. I'm off then, till next time I suppose.

First off, The Avenger kicked ass. I managed to see it with a buddy of mine who got us a couple free tickets. Damn I want to see it again already. Next up on the movie list is the new Batman, can't wait till that one's out.

Anyway, it would seem that I'm just a paragraph short of finishing my book. It's a weird feeling. I kind of don't want it to be finished, but then I do have others I'm planning once this one is done, so it's not over just yet. My god man, it's taken me almost a year to get it done. I've never worked on one piece for this long before. One it's done I'll send it off to a couple friends to read, help me with any continuity issues so I can get the editing process started. Then I have to pray to any god who'll listen that I can find a book agent to help me get it published. The fun is only just beginning. I never thought I'd actually be at this point though, it's crazy.

I'm still waiting on my grad school application to go through. All I'm missing is the letters of recommendation, but that depends on my professors taking the time to get them done and send them in. it's largely out of my hands, though I do intend on emailing them reminders until it gets done. Just not to the point of being annoying of course.

Well, despite the way it's felt since I started it, this book isn't going to finish writing itself. Back to the grindstone for me. Hopefully I can get it finished tonight.

Edit: Wooo! Finished my first book! Cue victory music!