"What If..." Memories Of How We Met... 
Mother and child, who would've thought I'd ever give birth to something that so reminded me of polyester?
I'm so glad we had that horn removed - it would've clashed so badly in your prom pics! ...and Pauley Shore looked so cute as he pinned your corsage in that evergreen tux!
and didn't I tell you that 4th eye would come in just fine, didn't I?
ah, that fateful knock on the door... you stood there in nothing more than a trenchcoat and Dr. Seuss leggings, shyly asking to borrow a cup of kama sutra oil.
unfortunately I had given my last cup to that aboriginal tribe next door, but you stayed and watched the end of "A Date With Pauley Shore" with me anyways. A moment to remember!
and it WAS a nice tie, by the way
Ye Old Pauley Shore Pancake Breakfast And Lingerie Show! How could I possibly forget?
you wore red, the crowd wore green, someone set Pauley Shore on fire - it was like x'mas in Utah without the clambake!
still wish I knew who mixed the coffee with the pancake batter... seriously. so wrong!
it was Chinese New Year in Quebéc, and who did they ask to quell the riots at the annual Pauley Shore festival? who indeed...
they had me rationing out the patois-flavoured pringles when you appeared leading your gang of off-coloured-yet-oddly-patriotic soldiers.
you were looking for someone with just the right amount of chutzpah and odd twitchiness to lace up your animal-skin thigh-highs - and I'm still proud to say I was that man!
when they decided to combine our labs in order to perfect the Pauley Shore cloning, we knew it was wrong... so very, very wrong.
but we did as they asked, what they paid us for, secretly gathering our power tools and vials of radioactive saliva just in case of Worst Possible Scenario #42.
was it "bad" of us to tie up Victoria Silvstedt and ransom Sweden for a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon. maybe so, but we did what we must and just think where the world would be now if we hadn't?!
"Paper or plastic?" with those first words to me I knew that there was more between us than the Pauley Shore DVD Collection that you'd just rung up... so much more.
as our eyes met, we completely ignored the fact that the hovering alien spacecraft had just set fire to the couple behind me in line and lowering an organic-looking tube in order to suck up their screaming child.
how were we to know that those three little words would impact the rest of our lives as rebels striving to save what remained of the human race from slavery, dinner plates, and shopping malls... forever together!
just two strangers in the time stream until one little elbow bump and friendly punch led to the catastrophe which we, even today, blame each other for...
if we'd had any idea that an accidental nudge and happy li'l fist-to-face greeting would lead to Pauley Shore making Twilight the cinematic masterpiece it is today. seriously.
I know I would've taken the timebus or somethin', even if it would've meant I'd have lost a friend and never gotten that black eye that I've become so reknown for... even if.
- thom / Wolfox
Mother and child, who would've thought I'd ever give birth to something that so reminded me of polyester?
I'm so glad we had that horn removed - it would've clashed so badly in your prom pics! ...and Pauley Shore looked so cute as he pinned your corsage in that evergreen tux!
and didn't I tell you that 4th eye would come in just fine, didn't I?
ah, that fateful knock on the door... you stood there in nothing more than a trenchcoat and Dr. Seuss leggings, shyly asking to borrow a cup of kama sutra oil.
unfortunately I had given my last cup to that aboriginal tribe next door, but you stayed and watched the end of "A Date With Pauley Shore" with me anyways. A moment to remember!
and it WAS a nice tie, by the way
Ye Old Pauley Shore Pancake Breakfast And Lingerie Show! How could I possibly forget?
you wore red, the crowd wore green, someone set Pauley Shore on fire - it was like x'mas in Utah without the clambake!
still wish I knew who mixed the coffee with the pancake batter... seriously. so wrong!
it was Chinese New Year in Quebéc, and who did they ask to quell the riots at the annual Pauley Shore festival? who indeed...
they had me rationing out the patois-flavoured pringles when you appeared leading your gang of off-coloured-yet-oddly-patriotic soldiers.
you were looking for someone with just the right amount of chutzpah and odd twitchiness to lace up your animal-skin thigh-highs - and I'm still proud to say I was that man!
when they decided to combine our labs in order to perfect the Pauley Shore cloning, we knew it was wrong... so very, very wrong.
but we did as they asked, what they paid us for, secretly gathering our power tools and vials of radioactive saliva just in case of Worst Possible Scenario #42.
was it "bad" of us to tie up Victoria Silvstedt and ransom Sweden for a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon. maybe so, but we did what we must and just think where the world would be now if we hadn't?!
"Paper or plastic?" with those first words to me I knew that there was more between us than the Pauley Shore DVD Collection that you'd just rung up... so much more.
as our eyes met, we completely ignored the fact that the hovering alien spacecraft had just set fire to the couple behind me in line and lowering an organic-looking tube in order to suck up their screaming child.
how were we to know that those three little words would impact the rest of our lives as rebels striving to save what remained of the human race from slavery, dinner plates, and shopping malls... forever together!
just two strangers in the time stream until one little elbow bump and friendly punch led to the catastrophe which we, even today, blame each other for...
if we'd had any idea that an accidental nudge and happy li'l fist-to-face greeting would lead to Pauley Shore making Twilight the cinematic masterpiece it is today. seriously.
I know I would've taken the timebus or somethin', even if it would've meant I'd have lost a friend and never gotten that black eye that I've become so reknown for... even if.
- thom / Wolfox
