I realized that my journal, that started as just a window into my boring day to day life, had slowly evolved into a memoir of my negativity. I started reading back through all these old writings and realized that I have not only come across as very pessimistic, but I have also demonized the one person that means the most in life to me. Brinny is my best friend. She has been since I met her and will be until we're both old and gray. We connect on a level that I never have with anyone ever before. Sure, we've had bad moments but those are always so few and so insignificant compared to all of the fantastic days we've shared. Everywhere we go, adventure follows. Whether it's driving cars through sprinklers, chasing rainbows through the countryside, or just running to the craft store - she makes life all the more exciting.
If that still fails clarify things, let me explain it even more simply. Brinny is everything everyone envies and aspires to be. She is the nicest person I know. She is talented beyond words. She's funny and intelligent. Her taste in music and movies is fantastic. She is gorgeous, and the way she carries herself in such a positive way just serves to exemplify that fact even more. Brinny is unforgettable. Brinny is irreplaceable.
I want to apologize to anyone who may have ever read my blogs, and as a result, had any negative thoughts about her. Even more so, I'm sorry to you Brinny. I'm sorry if I ever portrayed you as anything but the incredibly amazing person that you are. I can't wait until our next adventure, the next abandoned house.
There's nobody I'd rather be stranded in the middle of nowhere with. Not even MacGyver.
I beg you you all. Please see what I see. <3

I was pretty excited about it on tuesday when I found out.
I start my better paying, non-collections, computer job on April 14th. Yay.
And I just cant hold on to your love anymore
Dont you look at me like that, cause I start all over again
And it just cant be, like it was once before
That's how my Christmas shopping has gone so far...
I just had a moment of clarity, you know. I woke up. It's like...you know...when you have an orgasm on your own, you know, you're sort of lyin on the sofa, watching some porn movie you bought on a drunken lonely night in SoHo. And you're lyin there, and everything is really great. You're getting totally turned on by these absurdly graphic images. Everything seems so right, you know? Then suddenly *Ppfttt* Bingo! You wake up. You're lyin there sweatin, despreatly lookin for the tissue, which you just know is still in your pocket, and the remote control which is just somewhere on the floor, and...it's like...walkin in on yourself, you know? It's like 'What you doing?' That's how I felt tonight. Sitting here, feeling my heart miss a beat everytime the door opened, you know? "What the fuck are you doing."
That's love isn't it? A load of old wank.
Life just isn't like the movies is it, you know? We're constantly lead to believe in resolution, in the re-establishment of the ideal status-quo, and it's - it's just not true. Happy endings are a myth, designed to make us feel better about the fact that life is just a thankless struggle.
P.S. This is pretty much the limit of me posting and participating on SG these days. I'm a shiftless layabout with nothing better to do (or no ambition to do anything other) than watch brit-coms.
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