I can't believe that my last post was in MARCH OF 2010. HELLO.

K. I had to go through a hermitage, though, because I broke up with the most ideal man..well, 'course in retrospect he is anything BUT perfect (RAWR...lots of caps today...sing!), but all of that riffraff is officially COMPLETE. Rock on.

How are you, and are you in the middle of a crappy breakup, or have you just triumphed on outta one? Why the hell do they have to hurt so much?

--So I have my Masters in Business with a focus on international entrepreneurship, right? Right. And on December 21st, 2010, I discovered my entrepreneurial calling. She's called Journal To Save Your Life, and here's my business plan blog about her: http://indiependentcommunity.w​ordpress.com.

Thrilled beyond comprehension.

tralalalaaa

zang.

(zang? i have never written that down before, ever in my life.)

I HAVE A NEW BLOG!!!! haha, woo, I'm fucking excited about it, too, because quite honestly I am OBSESSED with writing. I can't read more than two pages in any book without wanting to write down some notes myself..

ok, ok. not interesting. lol, but! here she is! http://jasperfaolan.wordpress.com/

~ I'm going to be writing about being a sexual violence survivor, bisexual, spiritual, a lover, mental health, addictions, body image, gender, sex, the media ~

WOW, Hells Bells am I excited.

Post your blog if you have one -- I want to connect.


~jazz!

This is the email I sent one of the leaders of the Boulder GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) last night. Safe to say I didn't 'make it' albeit I nearly laughed myself silly as a result.

WACK!

haha
Jasper

**************


...hey!

Wow, ok, last night was unfortunate AND really hilarious. I drove up to your university from Colorado Springs to go to your meeting...and my google map told me to 'Turn Right on Colorado Ave', so I did - and that was illegal. So I was pulled over, & I got a $113 ticket!

Next I did find the proper entrance to your campus, talked to someone about Willard (I was late by a few minutes by now because of the ticket, but still destined to arrive at a reasonable moment) and headed off.

I found Willard, walked in the front doors, found the second floor, looked at the map, went to open the door to the wing...and it was locked. Two women came up the stairs, I asked them what I should do/how I should get to the GLBTQ Resource Center, Willard 227, and they confirmed that yes, the door from inside was locked, so I should try to get into the building from the outside stairs if poss.

I walked around...a guy came out RIGHT as I arrived but I saw that this door is only accessible for those with student IDs -- and I didn't have the heart to bust through when I'm not actually a student. I called the Center, no one picked up..I left my book outside these stairs...talked to another fellow about how one might get in, decided it futile unless I was prepared to start throwing things at what I THOUGHT was the right window..haha...so I came home!

Then, on the way home, I really needed to pee (ahem) because of course all the University bathrooms I saw on maps were also held behind locked doors...(omg, good/safe but really AHHH when you need a bathroom!)...but then I got into a traffic jam for what seemed like eons..then once that loosened up I was pulled over again for apparently not being able to stay in my lane? Someone had complained?! At one point during my trip I'd just laughed and laughed at how silly the night had been & then I blasted music out and daaaanced around...thus most likely causing the car to be somewhat erratic.

Texas traffic patrols are definitely not as vigilant as CO ones are! Craziness. He let me go - he could see I was just being a goof. I'm glad I didn't get two tickets in one night?! Madness. I drove all the way over from Florida to Texas just three weeks ago and had no problems! So it's wild.

Anyway, sorry I couldn't attend your meeting and see y'all - I definitely wanted to! I'll make up a YouTube video introduction and it'd be awesome if you could play it at your next meeting and then give me feedback. Ultimately I'd like to talk to you about arranging an event on your campus and/or for your group as well as a fundraising idea using my book. Sound ok?

Thanks for reading!
Jasper

hmm...it's been a long time, hey?

I'm officially nestled back into SGLand.

I'm an indie publishing business owner, indie artist & indie author of a creative nonfiction series about the first relationship I had with a woman. It's called a raw hummingbird. The book kicks ass. haha. I love it, anyway.

I'm going to be using SG (and all of my other blogs..) as a forum to watch my progress as I go out and promote a book independently. I'll be announcing my website very soon...hooray!

What have you done as an indie artist?

Love,
Widow aka Jasper Faolan

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, fuck it.

is it so terribly wrong to think that SGs is a great place to be a total bitch? well, not a *bitch*. more like the Aries villain that likes to split your skin open.

herm.

so i worked ALL DAY on the new website i'm developing which is, holy cow, totally incredible awesome and time consuming all in the same moment. super glad to be DOING something again; all of my work is out with editors so I was getting stir crazy.

if you know how to code, talk to me! i love you already.

who are you favorite 'productive', creative women? I adore Andrea Gibson (who doesn't), VideoKidd of JohnnyWishes, and Nixon of SGs. I want to know because I want to investigate them, I've been going crazy getting to know women who inspire.

i want the inspirational woman to be You. then we can talk and muse and faint and fall...

w.

So I'm finally back. For good this time. It's important for me to have a space in this world that I can chat with people from around the world - I SO love diversity.

I have organized my entire life around 1 year, 15 year and 30 year goals. I'm rapt.

What do you dream about?

I seek more Lesbian, Bisexual women and transgendered women/men friends.

I met one of the most beautiful women the other day at lesbian night at a gay club here in town...and she wanted my number. I text her today, two days later, and she's just slipped out of a relationship and into a painful breakup so we will wait to go to dinner.

Breakups are so transformational to me - while the initial shock and pain is seemingly unbearable, I LOVE the movement, the changes and the growth that demands to erupt out of such a transition.

What did you learn about your latest breakup?

What did your dog, cat, bird, frog, lizard, tarantula do that was funny today?



I love smilies.

In my next entry, I'm going to begin to spin a tale of my art. Then I want to listen to yours.

Speak soon,
w.

ok so...much has happened since a --> to be.

I'm going to come back another time and post something proper, but for the time being - I'd be interested in ppl's thoughts on Erk's new set. I'm sure she is a sweet girl and I've addressed this with her directly, so it's more of a discussion about the ethical treatment of animals rather than anything specific with her.

So! What do we think, ladies and gents?

This is what I posted on her blog, just to get things rolling:

hi...beautiful set except for, as you yourself mentioned in your blog, the dead animals. Taxidermy as an art form...I can appreciate this - especially if you'd be for the exact same treatment of dead children and adults stuffed and hung on walls. I know this sounds extreme and I'm really not an extreme person, it's just a case in point. Our sociology and the Faucaultian discourse guides our lives and we have to fuck authority sometimes to realize what is ethical and what is not. This set would have been a gem had you made a statement against murdering other sentient beings...especially for sport.

Haha - now wouldn't Gary Ridgway have just LOVED it if killing people for sport was legal and even condoned? Hmm.

Thanks for reading, I know this probably wasn't the funnest comment to get.

w.

hey.

I want to know what drives you - what 'issue' 'thing' 'place' 'passion' are you desperate to explore?

mine is animal rights...ive been a veggie since i was 14 but its hasnt been until now (at almost 24) that ive felt called to actually read up about it. ick. I am determined to do something about it..

what issue are you passionate about? - tell me even if you feel impotent/like you cant do anything about it. I'm really interested.

-widow.


Also, what do you consider art? Passe' question I know, but I'm always intrigued with what people come up with.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! woop! woop!

shit this last week has been INSANE. the end. or not quite. kinda. ok life keeps trickling...

so I'm writing this book on my first and only ever female lover/love. Her name is Charlotte.

So I'm merrily going along editing all the material I have on her and my life and then I'm like..hmm there are far too many questions left unanswered without running it all by her. So I'm going to call her. In New Zealand. But I havent talked to her in a year, and before that we hadnt talked for three years. Furthermore I'm nervous about calling because her girlfried of five years is super sensitive and they are both obsessively (in the truest sense of the word) protective over one another...and Char's girlfriend, Steph, doesn't let her out much to play. So do I really call her?

I take the easy way out and call her cellphone. At least then I *probably* wont get her girlfriend picking up and thinking I'm a horribly icky woman about to capture her one and only love in this black hole of a world...(I dont think the world is a black hole - Steph does though I think...very gothic, more so than even my old best friends..but then again to be honest i know aboslutely nothing about Steph whatsover. anyway - i digress.)

Char picks up her phone(!) and I say 'hi'. That's it. She knows who it is immediately (joy!) and says, "Ahh...helloo..."

We proceed to have a 1 hour and 38 minute conversation. Wow. 1 hour and 38 minutes. Rock on. We talk about everything that's been going on with us...including the fact that she broke up with Steph a year ago. A year ago!

and there go my emotions...right out from underneathe all those autumn leaves that that old lady refuses to throw away. So I get off the phone more elated than expected (where did that come from?) and then I crash. hard. so many thoughts swirl through my mind and i have this overwhelming tear-fest dedicating to the longing I feel to be with her again. Not in a sexual way (oh no..that'd be wrong especially with how much I love my fiancee) but in a very deep, sincere familial sort of way. She's the only one from my past other than my parents that know of all the stupid fucked up things I've done and still accepts me. We hardly talk because we loved each other so much it hurt, and the fact that 'society' (and holly's fears) didn't let us be together we needed to be a part to breathe. I've loved her all this time and I want her in my life! ...although over the last couple of days (and one very soppy phone call to her later) I've had to come to terms with the fact that she's just in a different place. *sighs melodramatically*

I must learn how to write my book about our relationship without becoming so emotionally invested that I split myself in two every-now-and-then. So I'll do it..and have done it, and now its a FUCKING BEAUTIFUL DAY here in Austin and I LOVE IT and want to run around and make love to nature (er?) but yes. I also had a kick ass rocking new chick friend come and stay over last night and she fucking rocks. ha. she doesn't apologize for who she is at all, which is a huge lesson for me to learn.

I've always been more into not offending other people than I am truly into screwing people over with damnation..there's a balance.

anyway, many sleeps - about three - have made me forget the pain that welled up in me from missing char so dearly much. Life will do what it shall do, and I shall write my book, and publish it, and sell it, and it shall be my tribute to her. My most important...hmm. havent yet decided on a proper noun for her.

eep! ive written a lot. thanks for reading..as always. *bows*

holly.

hey guys.

so...ive had one of those, "WOW I'm really happy with who I am" moments pass across my smiling face just recently.

I went to the SG show and while it'll sound totally hilarious and/or trite, but seeing Nixon totally fuck up the stage was liberating. I then realized just how much I was squashing myself into a societally acceptable box...one that is much too tiny for such a crazed soul. Really random how it happened too - I've always been on the fringe of things, so it was odd to find myself so confined. I compromised myself a while back when my best friend kinda fucked with my head - she's a bit psychotic, but in the end all's well. So off I went biking all over Austin - loving the wind and the 'fuck you' attitude i settled into once more.

Then I got a flat which was a bit of a disappointment


*laughing*


I got the flat right next to this totally isolated and dark street right next to an empty, dark golfcourse. I was a bit preoccupied about whether or not boogie men existed in those trees to worry about the flat.


Anyway, I digress.


I realized that without having a real brick and mortar job (I'm just launching an international distributing company with my parents - all online) I can really be whoever...and who better to be than oneself.


GREAT FEELING. WAHOO!!!

I hope you guys feel the same way too.

Anyway. that's my update.


& now for fun questions that cool people have on SGs...

1. Are you a sweetheart or a meany to animals? - sweetheart...love love love animals..and insects..and obviously black widows..
2a. What do you actually care about? - God, sex, being nice to people, vision.
2b. Why? - umm...
3. What's your fav cartoon? - The Little Mermaid
4. What would you do RIGHT NOW if you had no restraints on you whatsoever.

tata!




EDIT: (yes yes it is) I'm off to Dallas for Thanksgiving with the kick ass fiancee!!! So love love love to all y'aaaaaalls (LOL) - happy Thanksgiving.