Good god. Has it really been that long?? Well, yes I guess it has.
Life has been a bit…um…busy?.....since I moved to Atlanta last month. Prepare to settle in for a long one. Got a drink? Good. Need to pee? Go now. Ok - comfy? Great! Let's see what the hell I've been up to!

I think I moved here April 3rd or 4th? Can't remember. Anyhoo, April 8 was my boy Michael's (at whose condo I am currently camping out) b-day and I took him to see Mary J Blige and Jay Z - fucking amazing show. Some R&B/Hip-Hop shows suck ass juice but these two fucking killed it. Amazing. For reals.
Then I went to a bunch of openings - art, restaurant, and roof top decks - woo hoo! Also saw Ministry and Meshuggah - fuckin' A - got nice and bruised in the "pit-adjacent" position I took. I love to shove people - what can I say? Another killer fucking show.
Had a bunch of meetings with clients and potential clients for my new job(s) - I have three, count'em three, jobs now. And yet I am still broke. And way more tired. Sigh. BUT - it's comin' y'all - I can feel it.
So, let's see - what else? Ate a lot. Damn but Atlanta has soooooooooooo many good places to eat. Went to the botanical gardens for a sculpture show - phenomenal. Perfect time of year to take in the flowers. When I got here in early April the whole town was all dogwoods and azaleas. Now the more summer-y blooms are bursting forth in all their glory - beautiful stuff. Saw the Atlanta roller derby girls - was super fun but the flat track is kinda boring and small, wish they had a better venue.
I also got two new tattoos - a Japanese peony on my left shoulder by Tim Orth and a spider mum on my right should by Short - both of these AMAZING artists are at All or Nothing Tattoo in Smyrna. I am working on sleeves and Tim & Short are collaborating on some killer shit - I promise to post pics soon.
Speaking of pics, I am STILL trying to get my last SG set photoshopped - I have had three different people flake out on me now and I can't believe how long it is taking. Pretty soon I'll just throw the shit up on here unedited and you'll all see the circles under my eyes - HA!
I also just got back from a quick return to Louisiana to check on my house. Good thing I did because I had tons of minor damage from all the recent tornados. Does anyone else think the weather has been particularly viscous and man-eating lately? Cyclones and earthquakes and tornados - OH MY! And now we're just heading in hurricane season in the Gulf - yay! I better sell that damn house before it gets blow to pieces. Sigh.
So…life is crazy. No time to think or sit or surf or anything chill. But it's all good - making progress on the "startr-over" which is always stressful and takes time….I'll try to be better about keeping in touch. I still got nothin' but love for y'all!!!!!
Here's some pics from the scene:

Random wig in road - sort of tragic I think



This is the consession stand from roller derby....hmmmm...veggie dog sell out...lots of lesbians and hippies at the derby I guess - bwhahahahahahahaha!



Late night run to the vending machine...I love snacks!



Posted on the bathroom wall at the bakery kitchen - so scary and hilarious!!!!!



Smiley truck bed - moving some chairs never looked so happy



View from my balcony - the Federal Reserve building at sunset as a storm was rolling in....the marble reflects the sun in such a cool way, I find myself staring at this building a lot

I am too old to party this hard. Sigh.
Seriously, once my LA peeps found out I was moving - day after tomorrow btw, hell YEAH!!!! - it was on like donky kong.

I went out Thursday with a couple friends and we ate pounds and pounds of crawfish - yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy!!!! Then went to see a horrible, horrible reggae band. Drinks were free so I couldn't complain too much. Ended up shutting the place down and continuing to drink with said band and bar owners. At some point the band gave me their CD to "thank me for dancing". Years from now this incident will allow to refer to myself as an "award-winning dancer". Yeah - I like it. I have not/will not open said CD. Yuk. At some point - the sun being up now - I was driven home by my friend. My rule now is simple - "Do ya want me to go out? Come pick me up, then, bitch!" No more tipsy driving for me, y'all!
Crashed for a few hours Friday morning then back up and at 'em Friday night. Seemed like it wouldn't be too late a night until I got invited out at 12:15 am to see a "killer Zydeco band" at a dive bar in Carencro, LA. Since I had a ride - yep - I went, and they were awesome. Unfortunately I do not remember their name, but here they are rockin' out:



From experience, I will tell you that their name was almost definitely "Blank and the Zydeco Blanks" because that's the formula. As in: Nathan and the Zydeco Cha-Chas, Louis and the Zydeco Ramblers, Mike and the Zydeco Playboys - you get the idea.

So, closed THAT bar down and then went way out to Cypress Bayou Casino and played poker. I hit the poker room about 3:30-4am and played till about 7:30 I guess. I was the only girl playin' and I schooled those dudes more than once - yes! Went in with $100 and left with $204 so I was ok with that. Saw the sun rise AGAIN before making it home and passing out for most of Saturday. Chilled out Sat. night because I just couldn't hang any more.

Sunday was a lovely afternoon spent in my cousin's backyard....laying on a sheet in the sun, drinking beer and playing with the kid and dogs. Here's my boy, Trevor, kickin' it swing set style:



He is 22 months old, learning to talk and bequeathed upon me many an "I love you, nanny!" which made my 3-day hangover much more bearable. "Nanny", btw, in Louisiana, is something between an aunt and a godmother - not sure who came up with that one. Yes, I am someone's nanny - I know, shocking.

Later that night my "I-refuse-to-die" hangover required Taco Bell. In the lot behind the TB a crappy little carnival had set up. I love crappy little carnivals so I took some pics. This is my fave:



So - yeah - I'm TIRED as hell. But happy I got in some crawfish, Cajun music and casino-time before leaving this fanfuckingtastic state. Now, I just gotta go thru a drive-thru daiquiri stand one more time......riding passenger-side only, of course!

Oh god. Things were going so well - and then....



I drove my freakin' car in a ditch! Ok - let's back up the story a bit.......
Last week I was getting my shit together - I did my taxes - getting money back - yay! And I've been working out and not drinking and blah blah....Then Thursday night rolls around and all hell breaks loose because all the Catholics around here take Good Friday off work. Which is really just an excuse to party Thursday night! So, I ran errands all day - I wore my "surrealist" Chucks with the extra eyes - love 'em!



- and was feelin' spring-y so busted out the white jacket AND the mirrored aviators - having a total Elvis moment -



I needed retail therapy after many mindless errands - but I have no money. So I went to - you guessed it! - Hot Topic! Yay - cheap clothes!



I love ruffle-butt panties! How about you?



And then, that night, I went out with my girl Robin. Driving to the restaurant, I saw a pretty sunset and noticed that the moon was almost full - uh oh!!





Look how the moon looks to be the same size as the red light - ha ha! Perspective is funny!

I saw this donut ad on a billboard and it made me hungry -



At this point I was wearing my stripey heels - I love these shoes too. Actually, I love shoes. Period.



Cut ahead several hours and several adult beverages later and I am, for some un-remembered reason, making this face at myself in the ladies room of a club -



That is the last pic I took....until the shot of my tow receipt and traffic ticket, as seen above. Apparently, when almost at my house, I misjudged a little turn and drove my passenger side wheels into a wet, muddy ditch. Unable to extract myself, I followed Rule #1 when in trouble - RUN!!!

I bailed to my house and the nice policeman showed up about 20 minutes later as they had discovered my abandoned vehicle. I then followed Rule #2 - LIE! I said I had ditched it hours earlier and had been at home drinking - ha ha - no one saw me and you can't prove it! After returning to the scene and being handed off to another officer, I ended up with a ticket for careless operation of a vehicle. While sitting in the back of his car, waiting for my tow to arrive, I heard another cop come across the radio, referring to me "Oh yeah, that's Chef Jon's ex-wife." Awesome. Rule #3 - when all the local yokel cops know who you are, it is TIME TO GO!

Soooo, long story long, I am fine, the car is fine, and I have a $161.50 fine to pay. Ha ha. Fine.
And I am moving to Atlanta next week on April 1 - SEE YA, YOUNGSVILlE PIGS! Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahaha....then end.

I am currently:

Procrastinating - I need to do my taxes - ugh! As well as many other banal things....

Waiting on my new SG set to come out of photoshopping....waiting, waiting, waiting.......c'mon already - I wanna get naked on the interweb again!

Being broke

Missing people that are far away

Wishing for a new tattoo or two

...........Last Sunday I was at an OLD grocery store. I liked this sign.



...and they still sell candy cigarettes, which you never see anymore....

I just stumbled across this on eBay - seriously, the most fucked up random weirdness I have encountered in a while....

"About seller

I am a multi-generation witch. I was born in Ireland and later moved to The States with my family where I joined with a local coven who got me into selling on eBay and on some of our items, we transfer them from old vessels to new vessels.

I find that by having psychic gifts, I am drawn to others who are psychic. Sometimes this is not always for the better...

When I was a teenager, I somehow managed to go out with this good-looking English-Scotch Jew chick. She wasn't Jewish religion, though. She was a Wiccan. I didn't know this going into the relationship, either. She said she celebrated Chanukah, so I assumed she was Jewish. Whatever. So, things go fine for a while, la-di-da, She asks me to go to her house, I say sure. I rode my bike into her apartment complex, and nobody's at her house but her. I was young at the time (15) so I didn't think much of it. She gave me a hug, then told me to take my shirt off. Thinking something fun was about to happen, I did so. She threw me onto the couch and said she'd be right back. A few seconds later, I blacked out.

I woke up and there was a shattered lamp on the ground and I was down to my skivvies, not to mention handcuffed. My arms hurt for some reason, too. Thinking she'd stolen my kidney or something, I was freaking out. I found my kidney was intact. My vision finally unblurred, and she had CARVED STUFF INTO MY ARM. I had a pentagram cut into my left arm, and a snake biting its tail (an Ouroboros to the educated) in my right. I freaked out.

She walked out of her bathroom naked and said something along the lines of a ceremony beginning and she kept calling me Azazel. I asked her WHAT THE *@#% went on, and she said that she was a reincarnation of Lilith, and I was Azazel, her demon lover, but I didn't know it. She sat on my chest and started cutting her arm and letting the blood get all over my face and arms. It was freaking horrific. She was like "NOW THE TRANSFORMATION WILL BEGIN!" I actually was pitching a tent in my pants from seeing my girlfriend on top of me, though I wasn't very happy, and she mounted, and leaned over to kiss me. I bit her in the breast. I ripped off that little bump thing, and I then head-butted her so hard that I couldn't even see. I threw her off me, and she started swinging the freaking knife at me. I groin punted her, and then heel-stomped her in the back of the head. I got the keys, my clothes, and got the heck out of there. Since that day, I've had freaking weird nightmares and dreams about demons and crap. The stupid pentagram and ouroboros were cut deep too, so now they're scarred into my arms. Now I have to explain this story to every single significant other I have. *Sigh*"

FYI - this freak was selling "magical rings" - no lie. I really can't decide which is the most disturbing part of this story....but I'm pretty sure it is when he refers to her nipple as "that little bump thing"....as well as the whole leaving her for dead part.

Um - yes - I AM Irish, actually! Well, part of me is. It's mixed in there with the Danish and the English bits.....So, in honor of St. Patrick's weekend, here's something special I shot while getting dressed today - just for YOU!
I call it "green t with underboob" and I hope that you enjoy it -







PS - I almost called it "Erin Go Bra-less" but thought better of it at the very last second....which is the lowest form of humor, again? The pun or the limerick? Wait, what? Ok - I go now......

Helllllllo there!

Back in Lafayette for the time being - looks like I'll be moving to Atlanta very soon though. Thank the heavens for gay boyfriends with extra bedrooms!

So - Culture Blog from my week in the big city!

If you live in Atlanta go to Marcia Wood Gallery and check out Kate Javens' show -
http://marciawoodgallery.com/artist/javens/intro.html
It is so sickly gorgeous it has to be seen in person - amazing work! While at her opening I met two other cool artists - Libby Black , who makes perfect reproductions of luxury items out of paper; and Christian West, who is an amazing photographer. Google them if ya want to be inspired by some great work.

While we're on the arts tip - check this out:
http://www.moma.org/exhibitions/2008/colorchart/
MOMA's first online show - yay 21st century!

So, yeah y'all - get artsy and shit!

Friends, there is something very disturbing going on and I feel the need to speak to you open and honestly about it. There is something evil currently airing on Lifetime. Caught it accidentally last night - for a few brief moments, mind you - and I found it incredibly disturbing. It is a show called "Your Momma Don't Dance" and the premise is this: it's like Dancing With The Stars except the professional dancers are surprised to learn they are actually dancing with their.....FATHERS!
EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW - it was so creeeeeeeepy! They were all staring into each others' eyes and lifting and dipping and ugh...one dad hoisted his baby girl up by the ass cheeks and I thought I was gonna gack. To make it even more nausea inducing, it is hosted by Ian Ziering from 90210 - and the celebrity judges include "rapper & actress" Vitamin C - wha? - and Chris Judd. Remember him? The first K-Fed? J-Lo's 2nd husband and backup dancer? Yeah. Him. Talk about your H-List celebrities!! Anyway - I lasted thru 2 pairs of contestants and then I had to check out - SCARY! That's all - just wanted to warn you

And while we're on the topic of things that disturb me, I'd like to pose this question. And if anyone can give me an answer I will award you a prize! I have Woolite right? And I'm going to wash a load of "delicates" and I notice that the instructions say, "For hand washing fill cup to Line 1. For medium loads in the washing machine fill to Line 2." Ok - simple enough....but then you open the cap and there are FOUR lines marked off. What the hell? What are lines 3 and 4 for????? Is it a secret? A misprint? What? It baffles me.....

I'm off to the ATL tomorrow - more soon!

Hey! What? Yeah.

Currently listening to: M.I.A. Kala

Currently drinking: Budweiser - in a can - yeah, bitches! Uh - it's leftover from a barbeque I went to today....

Currently wishing for: A buyer for my house

So - weekend - went out Friday with my girl Robin - who I have determined definitely does like pussy, and does want to fuck me. Not sure what's she's waiting on........ We clubbed it up - had big fun - so that led to lots of sleeping on Saturday.......Then finishing the uber-cleaning of my house - sigh. In addition to Swiffers, I'd like to give a shout out to micro-fiber cleaning cloths and the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser - Hoo Ha!

Today was my first big realtor open house - I took the dog and skedaddled for a few hours (see barbeque - above) - My realtor says there is a doctor interested - maybe I'll get an offer this week - pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

Heading back to Atlanta next week......I think I have enough friends giving me work (cheap and talented doesn't come around that often yo!) that I can go ahead and move anytime - I am about there..........Soon, babies, very soon I shall abandon the cane fields and crawfish ponds. I think I'll kinda miss it.

Remember - as Tina Fey said last week - Bitch is the new black!

PS - Senor says: I'm just fine under the covers - no need to bother me - thanks very much!

Hey guys - let's talk movies!

I have been totally into "Shoot 'Em Up" for the past 2 weeks and showing it to everyone because I think it is soooooooooo good!! Over the top action and hilarious dialog - plus Oscar nominated actors!! I thought it was great because it pushed it so far....

....Then, last night, I saw "Goregasm" - Went WAY WAY WAY further! This is a tiny indy porno/slasher film made in New Orleans - it is so wrong it has to be right!! Looks like they got all their friends to get naked for them. Please support small filmmakers - check it out if you dare - there is blood, guts, and fucking every where you look in this one:

http://www.terroroptics.com/pages/main.html

Finally, I found this on YouTube today - This is the morning after our crazy-stoopid commercial parody contest - Douche Whisperer and Le Coques for those of you paying attention to previous vids. I had bought these pickled pig lips and tried all night - unsuccessfully - to get someone to eat them. And by god, Josh (the Retarded Policeman - again for those watching earlier vids) came through for me. You can hear my horrified comments and laughter in the background. They were beyond gross. Even grosser than that deer head cooked in my oven, and the pig butchering party I went to a couple weeks ago. We were all hung over - except for Josh - and the smell was making us all gag. But that shit is funny, yo!