IPOD
RADIO
WARNING: The following blog is likely to contain way too many words, random stream-of-consciousness not-really-that-interesting barely-coherent type thoughts, asbestos, stupid pet photos, and/or peanuts/peanut pieces. You should probably stop reading now.
Hey there - and Happy 2008, Motherfuckers!
I am feeling much better, thanks. The holidays actually weren't so bad after all. In fact, a few people really came through for me - and you know who you are!
So, it's resolution time, right? Ok, here we go!
1. Less alcohol
Umm, yeah - random party bruises? Not really so cute.
Not knowing the name of everyone you slept with in 2007? Also, not cute.
In addition, I have to go to the DMV to get my THIRD replacement driver's license since July. Getting trashed and losing your shit sucks ass. Oh, and my favorite coat is MIA because the coat check at the fetish club gave me the wrong one and I was TOO DRUNK to notice. Nice. (In my defense, both coats were navy blue wool - so, you know, don't be too hard on me.) And, side note, how was I unlucky enough to get the only coat at a fetish club with no drugs in the pockets? What the fuck is that? Just some nasty-ass chap-stick and a couple of quarters….geeze.
2. The whole "new year" diet & exercise thing, duh
I have been eating like a pig. Seriously. And I have a little buddha belly situation percolating. Even the fat jeans hurt. So - waaaaaay less alcohol (see above), no more refined sugar and no food at all after 8pm. Done. See kids? Dieting is easy!
Hint: To ensure success, think about throwing up after meals. And don't forget to take speed!
3. On lockdown after Ambien
No more driving, texting, calling, emailing, online shopping or eating after taking the nighty-night pills. Not sure exactly how I'll be locking myself in my bedroom, but I am working on it. While keeping fire safety top of mind…..of course…..yeah…..wouldn't want to lock myself in a burning house……nope…...ha ha. Ha. Ahem.
4. Be a tad bit more careful while driving
I just totaled two vehicles in three months. 'Nuff said.
So - Four - That's enough, right? I mean, I'd hate to over-reach.
Quick pay-per-view movie review: Pirates of the whatever III - what a suck ass piece of crap. Perhaps 1/10th of the CGI budget could have been spent on….hmmmm…..I don't know…..writers??!! Not to mention the shear lazy-ass knock-off bullshit shots it consisted of. I could easily identify scenes stolen from the films of John Woo, Sam Raimi, Terry Gilliam, Stanley Kubrick, Kurosawa; and at least two Salvador Dali paintings. Although one might suggest that Gilliam also copied Dali, making him redundant in that list. But that's neither here nor there. And seriously - the boat in the desert scenes? - sooo The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
Ok, so, here's some of my favorite shots from recent road-trip cheap motel action:
On a musical note, I think I have a drummer fetish. In fact, being in a Dave Grohl /Meg White sandwich is my current shower fantasy. I've also been listening to a lot of old Max Roach. Weird.
Ok - that goddamn new Kid Rock song makes me wanna climb a pole. I seriously believe that at this point, he is making music just for chicks to strip to. Because that's what it sounds like to me. A stripper soundtrack. When it comes on the radio, I immediately picture lucite platform heels and neon - and my nose picks up that particular combination of Love's Baby Soft, vanilla lip gloss, and diaper wipes. Mmmmmm, smells cheap!
Did you know that "stripper" in French is "femme se déshabillant"? Sounds way better, huh?
Here we have a little pic of Senor enjoying baby-jesus' birthday:
Yes, I did in fact dress my dog in a christmas scarf and give him a rawhide candy cane. And yes, that is probably a sign of an as-yet-undiagnosed metal illness. Although a secondary one to be sure - not, as they say, my "chief complaint".
Wow. Are you really still reading this? Ok - I'm just gonna keep rambling then.
Regarding the current state of mma fighting - I now like watching WEC better than UFC - what happened? Urijah Faber, that's what. What a badass little hunk of man-meat that is. Not to mention that UFC78 & 79 both pretty much sucked with, like, two good fights each. I am not paying $40 for that upcoming BJ Penn bullshit either. Yeah, that's right, I said it. What now?
You know what really sucks about waxing your cha-cha? Waiting for the hair to grow in long enough to do it. Hate that. Getting into naked gynecological yoga poses while someone pulls out your pubes using hot wax kinda sucks too. But not as much as the grow-in phase. I swear. Drives me nuts.
Ok - go on now. I've bored you enough. Go on. Get!
Hey there - and Happy 2008, Motherfuckers!
I am feeling much better, thanks. The holidays actually weren't so bad after all. In fact, a few people really came through for me - and you know who you are!
So, it's resolution time, right? Ok, here we go!
1. Less alcohol
Umm, yeah - random party bruises? Not really so cute.
Not knowing the name of everyone you slept with in 2007? Also, not cute.
In addition, I have to go to the DMV to get my THIRD replacement driver's license since July. Getting trashed and losing your shit sucks ass. Oh, and my favorite coat is MIA because the coat check at the fetish club gave me the wrong one and I was TOO DRUNK to notice. Nice. (In my defense, both coats were navy blue wool - so, you know, don't be too hard on me.) And, side note, how was I unlucky enough to get the only coat at a fetish club with no drugs in the pockets? What the fuck is that? Just some nasty-ass chap-stick and a couple of quarters….geeze.
2. The whole "new year" diet & exercise thing, duh
I have been eating like a pig. Seriously. And I have a little buddha belly situation percolating. Even the fat jeans hurt. So - waaaaaay less alcohol (see above), no more refined sugar and no food at all after 8pm. Done. See kids? Dieting is easy!
Hint: To ensure success, think about throwing up after meals. And don't forget to take speed!
3. On lockdown after Ambien
No more driving, texting, calling, emailing, online shopping or eating after taking the nighty-night pills. Not sure exactly how I'll be locking myself in my bedroom, but I am working on it. While keeping fire safety top of mind…..of course…..yeah…..wouldn't want to lock myself in a burning house……nope…...ha ha. Ha. Ahem.
4. Be a tad bit more careful while driving
I just totaled two vehicles in three months. 'Nuff said.
So - Four - That's enough, right? I mean, I'd hate to over-reach.
Quick pay-per-view movie review: Pirates of the whatever III - what a suck ass piece of crap. Perhaps 1/10th of the CGI budget could have been spent on….hmmmm…..I don't know…..writers??!! Not to mention the shear lazy-ass knock-off bullshit shots it consisted of. I could easily identify scenes stolen from the films of John Woo, Sam Raimi, Terry Gilliam, Stanley Kubrick, Kurosawa; and at least two Salvador Dali paintings. Although one might suggest that Gilliam also copied Dali, making him redundant in that list. But that's neither here nor there. And seriously - the boat in the desert scenes? - sooo The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.
Ok, so, here's some of my favorite shots from recent road-trip cheap motel action:
On a musical note, I think I have a drummer fetish. In fact, being in a Dave Grohl /Meg White sandwich is my current shower fantasy. I've also been listening to a lot of old Max Roach. Weird.
Ok - that goddamn new Kid Rock song makes me wanna climb a pole. I seriously believe that at this point, he is making music just for chicks to strip to. Because that's what it sounds like to me. A stripper soundtrack. When it comes on the radio, I immediately picture lucite platform heels and neon - and my nose picks up that particular combination of Love's Baby Soft, vanilla lip gloss, and diaper wipes. Mmmmmm, smells cheap!
Did you know that "stripper" in French is "femme se déshabillant"? Sounds way better, huh?
Here we have a little pic of Senor enjoying baby-jesus' birthday:
Yes, I did in fact dress my dog in a christmas scarf and give him a rawhide candy cane. And yes, that is probably a sign of an as-yet-undiagnosed metal illness. Although a secondary one to be sure - not, as they say, my "chief complaint".
Wow. Are you really still reading this? Ok - I'm just gonna keep rambling then.
Regarding the current state of mma fighting - I now like watching WEC better than UFC - what happened? Urijah Faber, that's what. What a badass little hunk of man-meat that is. Not to mention that UFC78 & 79 both pretty much sucked with, like, two good fights each. I am not paying $40 for that upcoming BJ Penn bullshit either. Yeah, that's right, I said it. What now?
You know what really sucks about waxing your cha-cha? Waiting for the hair to grow in long enough to do it. Hate that. Getting into naked gynecological yoga poses while someone pulls out your pubes using hot wax kinda sucks too. But not as much as the grow-in phase. I swear. Drives me nuts.
Ok - go on now. I've bored you enough. Go on. Get!
)....I tell yah!
