. I'm in Salt Lake City now. I don't know for how long but I'm fucking loving it. It's one of the best kept secrets around. I rank this place up there with Portland, Seattle, and San Francisco. Like the most ghetto part here is nicer than any hole I've ever lived in. The mountains in Utah are majestic, the people are friendly and mannered, and the women are good looking. It's a damn site better than Fargo for sure and for certain.
Fucking eh
Fucking eh
It's completely weird in my life right now. I'm single now for over a year, sober for 2, and haven't had a cigarette for 3 years. I woke up and decided that trying to run a race toward the grave was a foolish and mainly painful endeavor. I told myself changes had to happen. That an amazing life with an amazing woman began with me.
I just thought I knew what pain was. Facing a life I've let happen and all the decisions and relationships I've made while under the influence has been more painful than any break up, fight, or meager time I've ever experienced. I know one thing for sure; this will not stand. I will have an amazing life and there will be an amazing woman in it. Not just an amazing woman but amazing people. No more drunkards and half assers. No more bullshitters that can't do half of what they claim but judge others that try and come up short. No more settling and no more copping out on myself.
I guess the most painful part of this process has been discovering I've become the exact opposite of what I want in life and can't be surprised anymore why 'AMAZING' hasn't come into my life to stay.
I just thought I knew what pain was. Facing a life I've let happen and all the decisions and relationships I've made while under the influence has been more painful than any break up, fight, or meager time I've ever experienced. I know one thing for sure; this will not stand. I will have an amazing life and there will be an amazing woman in it. Not just an amazing woman but amazing people. No more drunkards and half assers. No more bullshitters that can't do half of what they claim but judge others that try and come up short. No more settling and no more copping out on myself.
I guess the most painful part of this process has been discovering I've become the exact opposite of what I want in life and can't be surprised anymore why 'AMAZING' hasn't come into my life to stay.
Ok so I'm getting my fat ass out of here tomorrow. I call myself a fat ass because last month was my second year to go with out any BOOZE of any kind and yesterday marked my 3rd anniversary of being CIGARETTE free. So I've added some pounds this winter as I haven't smoked or had a drink along with not working all winter and Snickers minis are my new addiction. I'll cut the weight before the Azaleas bloom though. I'm heading back south, it's time. It's not my first choice but it is where my kind of work is and the bulk of my adult life was spent. so I'll spend a little time there, money the fuck up, then figure out where to call home. Home, like a lease or a mortgage, no more drifting from town to town living in hotels.
Damn I'm starting to get excited.
Oh yeah Happy New Year everybody and Happy birthday Elvis(yesterday) . I quit smoking on Elvis' birthday. Which is fitting. The weight gain makes me a hunka hunka burning love.
Damn I'm starting to get excited.
Oh yeah Happy New Year everybody and Happy birthday Elvis(yesterday) . I quit smoking on Elvis' birthday. Which is fitting. The weight gain makes me a hunka hunka burning love.
And I'm still here. Sounding like a record with a deep scratch. I think I'll go see The Hobbit and eat too many sweets and escape reality for a time.
http://youtu.be/5t3kO56-scUhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=5t3kO56-scU<iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/5t3kO56-scU?feature=player_detailpage" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
It's cold and shitty in North Dakota today. I'm trying to muster up the courage to get a uhaul and a trailer so I can get all my tools and vehicle to either Seattle or Portland. I've sent a dozen resumes to shipyards and fab shops out there that are hiring but haven't gotten any response. I think it's because I'm not 'local' but the jobs are posted on a website that caters to travelers like me so I'm leery; are they posted just to meet some requirement and already filled or what?
This confusion is paralyzing me. I sure as hell don't want to stay in Fargo but I'm afraid to leave and get myself stranded at the top left corner of the map after spending a lot of money to get there and no job. What to do, what to do, what to do? FUCK, WHAT TO DO?
Maybe some stranger will read this and offer a fresh look. I'm open to feed back from SG members on this one. Later.
This confusion is paralyzing me. I sure as hell don't want to stay in Fargo but I'm afraid to leave and get myself stranded at the top left corner of the map after spending a lot of money to get there and no job. What to do, what to do, what to do? FUCK, WHAT TO DO?
Maybe some stranger will read this and offer a fresh look. I'm open to feed back from SG members on this one. Later.
Well I'm back from my trip and even though I spent close to a grand that I really shouldn't have I had a ball and my team won. I also received a couple of job offers while I was gone so that's a turn in the right direction. The only wrinkle is they're both in North Dakota. It's a cold mo fo here in the winter. I may stall on my answer in hopes of getting something a little further south and west. And the D-bag I thought was a friend and left me stranded with 2 tickets to a football game and no way to get there save for flying said he would pay back some of my travel expenses and the price of his ticket. I'll believe it when I see it but he does know my ire now and I didn't have to speak a word for it to show. ...I've cleared bars before so this is a big step in my own personal growth.
Surrounded by flakes.
What I thought was a stand up guy and good friend just flaked out and and crawfished on a deal that was his god damned idea. HIS IDEA, NOT MINE. HIS!!!!!!!!!
Last Thursday I was saying how I'd like to see the Houston Texans play the Denver Broncos play this coming Sunday but since I'm not working and my car has over 200k miles it wouldn't be smart for me to try and go. That's when he said and I quote: " dude if you buy the tickets I'll buy the gasoline there and back (Fargo to Denver) and we can take my car". So fifteen minutes later I'm on Stub Hub getting 2 tickets. Now all of a sudden he won't answer his phone or reply to texts. I left a message. He doesn't even have the balls to say 'Hey I can't make it I'm sorry" and he damn sure hasn't offered any cash for his end of the deal. What a fucking worm. I'm the one not working. He has a god damned job.
Oh yeah I was in the process of moving into his house. Half my shit is at his place. My gang box with all my tools ,( about $6,000.00 worth of fabrication and welding shit), all my winter work clothes, all my work clothes, golf clubs...... my mail is going over there. It was anyway, I had that changed back to my motel. What a fucking little douche.
I will never never never again trust a fucking soul but my own. The world is full of flakey mother fuckers, the number rapidly increasing the further one gets from ones front door.God damned nutless, coward dumb mother fucker.
So now in order to keep from having a complete loss I've had to book a flight there, I need to get a hotel there, .... I can afford it but it isn't the wisest thing to do. Go off to Denver to see a football game without a job. Oh I'll find one no trouble but I can't accept one until I get back because I'm not the sort to star a job then take a long weekend and miss. North Dakota is full of work for a guy like me but it's the principle of it all. I was moving in to his place to help him out with the 1200 dollar a month house payment and I could get out of this motel I've been in all year for a while and money up so I could move to Portland. ...... FUCK!!!!!!!! .................... So needless to say I have an extra ticket to this Sunday's game in Denver. Field level, corner of the end zone, 12th row.
What I thought was a stand up guy and good friend just flaked out and and crawfished on a deal that was his god damned idea. HIS IDEA, NOT MINE. HIS!!!!!!!!!
Last Thursday I was saying how I'd like to see the Houston Texans play the Denver Broncos play this coming Sunday but since I'm not working and my car has over 200k miles it wouldn't be smart for me to try and go. That's when he said and I quote: " dude if you buy the tickets I'll buy the gasoline there and back (Fargo to Denver) and we can take my car". So fifteen minutes later I'm on Stub Hub getting 2 tickets. Now all of a sudden he won't answer his phone or reply to texts. I left a message. He doesn't even have the balls to say 'Hey I can't make it I'm sorry" and he damn sure hasn't offered any cash for his end of the deal. What a fucking worm. I'm the one not working. He has a god damned job.
Oh yeah I was in the process of moving into his house. Half my shit is at his place. My gang box with all my tools ,( about $6,000.00 worth of fabrication and welding shit), all my winter work clothes, all my work clothes, golf clubs...... my mail is going over there. It was anyway, I had that changed back to my motel. What a fucking little douche.
I will never never never again trust a fucking soul but my own. The world is full of flakey mother fuckers, the number rapidly increasing the further one gets from ones front door.God damned nutless, coward dumb mother fucker.
So now in order to keep from having a complete loss I've had to book a flight there, I need to get a hotel there, .... I can afford it but it isn't the wisest thing to do. Go off to Denver to see a football game without a job. Oh I'll find one no trouble but I can't accept one until I get back because I'm not the sort to star a job then take a long weekend and miss. North Dakota is full of work for a guy like me but it's the principle of it all. I was moving in to his place to help him out with the 1200 dollar a month house payment and I could get out of this motel I've been in all year for a while and money up so I could move to Portland. ...... FUCK!!!!!!!! .................... So needless to say I have an extra ticket to this Sunday's game in Denver. Field level, corner of the end zone, 12th row.
Sherry was a waitress at the only joint in town,
she had a reputation as a girl who'd been around.
Down main street after midnight, a brand new pack a cigs,
a fresh one hanging from her lips, a beer between her legs.
She'd ride to the river and meet with all her friends,
the road goes on forever and the party never ends.
Sonny was a loner he was older than the rest,
he was going in the Navy but he couldn't pass the test.
So he hung around town, he sold a little pot,
the law got wind of Sonny and one day he got caught.
But he was back in business when they set him free again,
the road goes on forever and the party never ends.
..... THE BEST SONG EVER WRITTEN.....
she had a reputation as a girl who'd been around.
Down main street after midnight, a brand new pack a cigs,
a fresh one hanging from her lips, a beer between her legs.
She'd ride to the river and meet with all her friends,
the road goes on forever and the party never ends.
Sonny was a loner he was older than the rest,
he was going in the Navy but he couldn't pass the test.
So he hung around town, he sold a little pot,
the law got wind of Sonny and one day he got caught.
But he was back in business when they set him free again,
the road goes on forever and the party never ends.
..... THE BEST SONG EVER WRITTEN.....
Funny how my prayer at 45 is not that different from the one I had at 15. Dear God please let me stumble upon a beautiful naked girl that really digs me. Only nowadays I would add to that: please let her have a gorgeous friend that digs me and an armoir full of 100 dollar bills just for me. 
So I'm coming up on 3 years with out a cigarette and 2 years without booze. What the hell is the matter with me?.......jk. Been laying low since I got back from Portland. Still want to move out there but waiting on the right time. Waiting sucks.
