Putting up the pre mastectomy pic of my wife was pretty bad of me. I see no difference between her how and then other than some scars and no boobies. She on the other hand sees something entirely different than I do.
Sorry love i won't do it again, my bad. I didn't mean to make you feel shitty far from it. Just me being thoughtless. You know I don't emotionally see any differences in you cos my feelings for you haven't changed.
Ok, I admit tha,t yes, there are differences between then and now. But it doesn't alter the way I love you. In my head I don't define you as a pair of boobies. I know loads of guys before me would only look down your cleavage, but that's not my internal vision of you.
I won't do it again. I mean it I promise sorry.
Sorry love i won't do it again, my bad. I didn't mean to make you feel shitty far from it. Just me being thoughtless. You know I don't emotionally see any differences in you cos my feelings for you haven't changed.
Ok, I admit tha,t yes, there are differences between then and now. But it doesn't alter the way I love you. In my head I don't define you as a pair of boobies. I know loads of guys before me would only look down your cleavage, but that's not my internal vision of you.
I won't do it again. I mean it I promise sorry.
The Sugarcubes - Hit an amazing track
Its one of those tracks that really brings back memories for me. At the time I was having an affair... well no I was the other man. She was a Commodities Trader as UBS Warburg - I was the scruffy bit of rough, her fiancée a hard man Senior Securities Broker for some US based bank here in the city. I never got to really loosen her up and show her how fun sex could be - she was always worried the her blokey would find out and try to get tough about stuff.
I always find it funny when men of a certain background (without front line field service) try to be hard about things. I had an extraordinary violent upbringing. My Father served a lot of time in a category A prison and my stepfather was a really nasty piece of work (so was my mother, I've come to the conclusion that she was the real instigator of all the violence).
I still haven't heard back from the violence counselling service yet. I know there is a bit of a waiting list... but I'm really hoping to get on to the sessions as soon as possible. I think it will stop my life from being the bloody car crash and battlefield that its always been.
The main reason I want all this to change is that I have a wife and two little girls and I don't want them seeing any of the stuff that I went through. Sometimes its so difficult not to use fists to settle an argument. I find more and more as work or on the daily commute not to lash out as irritating people. Primarily, as well, having two young stroppy daughters who won't listen to me and my wife who is a major control freak who like everything done to her agenda and won't listen to me very, well frustrating.
I have to admit I've had a very tough couple of years and the stress has got to me. One doctor has suggested its a form of PTSD but I'll wait for the pros to come up with a diagnosis.
So to cheer myself up from this maudlin self pity a recent find of sheer sexiness
Its one of those tracks that really brings back memories for me. At the time I was having an affair... well no I was the other man. She was a Commodities Trader as UBS Warburg - I was the scruffy bit of rough, her fiancée a hard man Senior Securities Broker for some US based bank here in the city. I never got to really loosen her up and show her how fun sex could be - she was always worried the her blokey would find out and try to get tough about stuff.
I always find it funny when men of a certain background (without front line field service) try to be hard about things. I had an extraordinary violent upbringing. My Father served a lot of time in a category A prison and my stepfather was a really nasty piece of work (so was my mother, I've come to the conclusion that she was the real instigator of all the violence).
I still haven't heard back from the violence counselling service yet. I know there is a bit of a waiting list... but I'm really hoping to get on to the sessions as soon as possible. I think it will stop my life from being the bloody car crash and battlefield that its always been.
The main reason I want all this to change is that I have a wife and two little girls and I don't want them seeing any of the stuff that I went through. Sometimes its so difficult not to use fists to settle an argument. I find more and more as work or on the daily commute not to lash out as irritating people. Primarily, as well, having two young stroppy daughters who won't listen to me and my wife who is a major control freak who like everything done to her agenda and won't listen to me very, well frustrating.
I have to admit I've had a very tough couple of years and the stress has got to me. One doctor has suggested its a form of PTSD but I'll wait for the pros to come up with a diagnosis.
So to cheer myself up from this maudlin self pity a recent find of sheer sexiness
So my daughters favourite band at this time is Aqua
The two of them are prancing around right now
I have to say I approve... as pop wallpaper goes Aqua was good, inoffensive and amusing - with a hint of cheesy sexiness to boot.
I fancied Lene Nystrom like there was no tomorrow (still do)... if she turned up at my front door and said. "Wanstead I need your hard cock in my right now" I'd say sorry to my wife and have to do it. Mind you the missus fancies her a bit too and if Lene was happy to go down on her then... sorry I'm getting a bit delusional
there chance would be a fine thing.
anyway here some teifed pics of Lene
Sad but true I once dated a former Miss St Petersburg cos she bore a resemblance to Lene, except she was utterly shit in bed, she was so bad that I was doing her doggy one afternoon and my mind drifted from the indifferent fuck, that I wandered off and went and did the dishes. Leaving her on her knees, pussy wide open. Currently, she owns a fashion PR agency in Berlin I hope she puts a bit more effort into running a business than fucking.
The two of them are prancing around right now
I have to say I approve... as pop wallpaper goes Aqua was good, inoffensive and amusing - with a hint of cheesy sexiness to boot.
I fancied Lene Nystrom like there was no tomorrow (still do)... if she turned up at my front door and said. "Wanstead I need your hard cock in my right now" I'd say sorry to my wife and have to do it. Mind you the missus fancies her a bit too and if Lene was happy to go down on her then... sorry I'm getting a bit delusional
there chance would be a fine thing.
anyway here some teifed pics of Lene
Sad but true I once dated a former Miss St Petersburg cos she bore a resemblance to Lene, except she was utterly shit in bed, she was so bad that I was doing her doggy one afternoon and my mind drifted from the indifferent fuck, that I wandered off and went and did the dishes. Leaving her on her knees, pussy wide open. Currently, she owns a fashion PR agency in Berlin I hope she puts a bit more effort into running a business than fucking.
Well another weeks gone by and its been a bit of a manky one.
I had a pretty bad chest infection and it seems to have affected other bits of me too. I had such a terrible pain in my right side, roughly where my liver and kidney is. It was so painful for an hour or so I was lying on the floor contemplating calling emergency services and getting myself carted off to hospital. But then the pain subsided a bit and I was able to crawl up the stairs and into bed.
Just before that i had the worlds weirdest vomiting session. You know the feeling you get when you have the dry heaves and all of the saliva etc used to lubricate the vomit on the way out fills your mouth. Well I had that but it was running like a tap, I leant forward, opened my mouth and all this saliva/water/clear stuff gushed (and i do mean gushed) out. It was very odd.
When you get pretty ill it makes you really consider your own mortality. We've had a shit year for worries about mortality as a family - what with my wife having stage 3c cancer (and recovering) last thing we need is for me to get fucked up.
I need to start searching for a new job , I've only got six weeks of my current one to run and I need to find something pretty quickly. The downside is is that July/August is going to be pretty shite. I only live just under a mile for the main Olympic venue here in London, there is no way public transport is going to be able to cope. During rush our the amount of utter cunts there are on the tube is amazing. Unfortunately, it all the impolite, low cast immigrants from the third world who flock to London cos they think they'll get a better life and income... its only cos the Brits are too lazy and greedy to do the underclass jobs that we have to have so much immigrant labour - but then I wouldn't want to spend my day picking shit up off the streets of London. So roll on July August, when the weather will be sticky shitty and they'll be loads of gormless grumpy motherfuckers clogging the tube.
Anyway I need to cheer myself up
I had a pretty bad chest infection and it seems to have affected other bits of me too. I had such a terrible pain in my right side, roughly where my liver and kidney is. It was so painful for an hour or so I was lying on the floor contemplating calling emergency services and getting myself carted off to hospital. But then the pain subsided a bit and I was able to crawl up the stairs and into bed.
Just before that i had the worlds weirdest vomiting session. You know the feeling you get when you have the dry heaves and all of the saliva etc used to lubricate the vomit on the way out fills your mouth. Well I had that but it was running like a tap, I leant forward, opened my mouth and all this saliva/water/clear stuff gushed (and i do mean gushed) out. It was very odd.
When you get pretty ill it makes you really consider your own mortality. We've had a shit year for worries about mortality as a family - what with my wife having stage 3c cancer (and recovering) last thing we need is for me to get fucked up.
I need to start searching for a new job , I've only got six weeks of my current one to run and I need to find something pretty quickly. The downside is is that July/August is going to be pretty shite. I only live just under a mile for the main Olympic venue here in London, there is no way public transport is going to be able to cope. During rush our the amount of utter cunts there are on the tube is amazing. Unfortunately, it all the impolite, low cast immigrants from the third world who flock to London cos they think they'll get a better life and income... its only cos the Brits are too lazy and greedy to do the underclass jobs that we have to have so much immigrant labour - but then I wouldn't want to spend my day picking shit up off the streets of London. So roll on July August, when the weather will be sticky shitty and they'll be loads of gormless grumpy motherfuckers clogging the tube.
Anyway I need to cheer myself up
So next week I've got to start job hunting again.... I know for sure I not going to work in financial services ever again as I can't stick the pretentious, fuckwitted dopes who actual think they know something about creating software reather than the big balls of mud I have to contend with.
Ho hum there you go Hope every one is well
Well, I haven't achieved much today other than read cartoons... Work was oh! so boring the only good thing the on going story of Ada Lovelace and Charles Babbage to keep me going. Got a couple of books arriving tomorrow... one on functional programming the other on Service patterns. Wow I do read some interesting stuff don't I. My eldest started a new school this week and she's blossomed immensely. It looks like being a tiger dad has paid off. She's already won two house points and got a superb. She's looking forward to ICT to really show off. The good thing about this school is is that its a feeder for City of London school for Girls. Which is the Top and (I mean top) rated school in the whole of the the United Kingdom and the US, and most of Europe... OK the whole of the fucking planet, cos to be honest anywhere outside of London, Tokyo and New York is pretty damn inferior. So a bit more tiger dading and in 5 years time I'll be able to get her in to it. I reckon my youngest will breeze it too. So you may be thinking... Oi arsehole y u do dat to ur girls. Because the best education a dad can buy will set them up for life. After school, into Imperial, LS,E Cass Oxbridge, Harvard, MIT Columbia, TelAviv, Insead, Zurich and Singapore. Little do my girls know, they are our retirement plan... Get em educated, Get em earning and mum and dad are gonna live off them in our retirement.
But at this point - I will abuse that great American Author John Steinbeck and Scottish Poet Rabbie Burns - the best laid plans of mice and men. Betcha, the two little buggers will wanto to be actresses or models or singers, Rather than Highly paid Lawyers Medics or Bankers. Damn, just my luck they'll be a looser like their dad.
One thing I would like to clarify, is that I'm not that great a husband, I'm just a very ordinary bloke who loves his wife, and it does amaze me that some people find it laudable that I still find my wife gorgeous even though she's lost her boobies through cancer and that the chemo has fucked up her looks. Mind you she has found out about my shopping spree on lingerie for her and she is more than a little pissed of about the cash I spent... but fuck it she'll look sexy in the stuff.
These things are worth it in the end
But at this point - I will abuse that great American Author John Steinbeck and Scottish Poet Rabbie Burns - the best laid plans of mice and men. Betcha, the two little buggers will wanto to be actresses or models or singers, Rather than Highly paid Lawyers Medics or Bankers. Damn, just my luck they'll be a looser like their dad.
One thing I would like to clarify, is that I'm not that great a husband, I'm just a very ordinary bloke who loves his wife, and it does amaze me that some people find it laudable that I still find my wife gorgeous even though she's lost her boobies through cancer and that the chemo has fucked up her looks. Mind you she has found out about my shopping spree on lingerie for her and she is more than a little pissed of about the cash I spent... but fuck it she'll look sexy in the stuff.
These things are worth it in the end
Time to blow a load...
Cash that is... tcha!!! you lot eh!
My wife - as erstwhile followers of my blog will know (all -2 of you)- has had breast cancer and has had a mastectomy or in the UK medical world 3c bc mx ch... btw 3c is one step down from 4 max 6 months terminal. We did shit ourselves a little bit after the diagnosis.
Well she's bounced back, made a full recovery (although she's still on the five year remission watch), but doesn't feel attractive anymore. She's gone from a bouncy (and at 34FF I mean bouncy) vivacious 34yo woman to a 35yo short haired ancient bull dyke (her words not mine).
So I'm blowing a load... I'm gonna spend some cash and get her some stuff that will make her feel sexy and alive again and then book a fucking good photographer and make-up artist to do the do on her.
So this is what I'm planning on buying
Cash that is... tcha!!! you lot eh!
My wife - as erstwhile followers of my blog will know (all -2 of you)- has had breast cancer and has had a mastectomy or in the UK medical world 3c bc mx ch... btw 3c is one step down from 4 max 6 months terminal. We did shit ourselves a little bit after the diagnosis.
Well she's bounced back, made a full recovery (although she's still on the five year remission watch), but doesn't feel attractive anymore. She's gone from a bouncy (and at 34FF I mean bouncy) vivacious 34yo woman to a 35yo short haired ancient bull dyke (her words not mine).
So I'm blowing a load... I'm gonna spend some cash and get her some stuff that will make her feel sexy and alive again and then book a fucking good photographer and make-up artist to do the do on her.
So this is what I'm planning on buying
Anyway... even though I love her to bits (and I love her bits), its still not going to stop me looking at some of the glorious and wonderfull boobies here, especially the one that are recherche du temps perdu
