Thanks for the feedback on Playhouse. I really had a blast doing that set and yes, that chair is freakin' AMAZING. I am slowly getting back to everyone so sorry for the delay!!!
Surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday, the 4th. The main focus is the possibility that my gallbladder may need to be removed, though that is just a possibility. All other ideas are still on the table. My weight is holding steady at 110 and I am receiving nutrients via IV 3 times a week.
What did you all get for the holidays? I got a lot of gift cards which were awesome but I think the coolest thing I got was from my ex-boyfriend who I lived in Portland with. He and I are still friends and he sent me the ENTIRE Beatles collection. Honestly amazing to have.
I realize 2011 isn't for a few more days but I already know things I want to accomplish:
*Officially move back to LA as opposed to dividing my time (right now, I commute alot between LA and Ventura County)
*More tattoos!!
*Read more. Alot more
*Finish my autobiography
*Study more into Egypt, Jane Austen and Shakespeare
*For once in my life, look out FOR ME and realize I need no one else to bring me joy and happiness
*Say no
*GET HEALTHY
*Take a vacation. Not a tour. A legit, relaxing, for me vacation
*Visit Lauren's parents in Maryland
*Visit my brothers in Vancouver, BC (May timeframe!!!)
Christmas TwentyTen:
What are you guys doing for New Years 2011? I haven't got plans yet but I REALLY want to do something amazing. Any suggestions in the LA area?!
xoxo
V
Surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday, the 4th. The main focus is the possibility that my gallbladder may need to be removed, though that is just a possibility. All other ideas are still on the table. My weight is holding steady at 110 and I am receiving nutrients via IV 3 times a week.
What did you all get for the holidays? I got a lot of gift cards which were awesome but I think the coolest thing I got was from my ex-boyfriend who I lived in Portland with. He and I are still friends and he sent me the ENTIRE Beatles collection. Honestly amazing to have.
I realize 2011 isn't for a few more days but I already know things I want to accomplish:
*Officially move back to LA as opposed to dividing my time (right now, I commute alot between LA and Ventura County)
*More tattoos!!
*Read more. Alot more
*Finish my autobiography
*Study more into Egypt, Jane Austen and Shakespeare
*For once in my life, look out FOR ME and realize I need no one else to bring me joy and happiness
*Say no
*GET HEALTHY
*Take a vacation. Not a tour. A legit, relaxing, for me vacation
*Visit Lauren's parents in Maryland
*Visit my brothers in Vancouver, BC (May timeframe!!!)
Christmas TwentyTen:
What are you guys doing for New Years 2011? I haven't got plans yet but I REALLY want to do something amazing. Any suggestions in the LA area?!
xoxo
V
Wow, my mind spaced and I honestly forgot today was the 18th. High five to me. Thanks to those who have taken the time to check out "Playhouse". If you haven't seen it yet, you can do so HERE. And remember, Apocalyptica is still hanging out too.
Health Update:
To start off with, THANK YOU for all the kind words of encouragement I have received. I have good and bad days, I just have to admit I'm tired of fighting something that no one has a cure to.
I had a ton of emails asking exactly what I'm currently battling.
The simple answer to that is this: we don't know.
My symptoms are all over but remain consistently the same. Severe abdominal pain of (mainly) the left lower and upper quadrant (though it is all over), extreme nausea resulting in lack of appetite, constant vomiting, slight chest pain, spitting up of blood, etc. I'm severely weak and NOTHING will stay with me. It's not like I'm not hungry; I'm craving so much crap its insane. It's just almost pointless for me to eat because it a) shoots pain through my stomach when I do and b) will come back up 20 minutes later. I feel like I'm shrinking. My clothes aren't fitting and my boobs have reduced in size.
To further show you guys what I mean, I have a few photos under spoilers. Be aware, I feel the way I look right now is a bit disturbing so please go in with an open mind and understand that I'm ill. I in no way condone looking like this when you are my height (5'11").
Health Update:
To start off with, THANK YOU for all the kind words of encouragement I have received. I have good and bad days, I just have to admit I'm tired of fighting something that no one has a cure to.
I had a ton of emails asking exactly what I'm currently battling.
The simple answer to that is this: we don't know.
My symptoms are all over but remain consistently the same. Severe abdominal pain of (mainly) the left lower and upper quadrant (though it is all over), extreme nausea resulting in lack of appetite, constant vomiting, slight chest pain, spitting up of blood, etc. I'm severely weak and NOTHING will stay with me. It's not like I'm not hungry; I'm craving so much crap its insane. It's just almost pointless for me to eat because it a) shoots pain through my stomach when I do and b) will come back up 20 minutes later. I feel like I'm shrinking. My clothes aren't fitting and my boobs have reduced in size.
To further show you guys what I mean, I have a few photos under spoilers. Be aware, I feel the way I look right now is a bit disturbing so please go in with an open mind and understand that I'm ill. I in no way condone looking like this when you are my height (5'11").
ANYWHOOOOO
Got shots from a shoot I did back before all this started to occur:
Totally random but I like them a ton!!!
How is everyone's weekend? Stay safe on those wet roads, LA. One week left in the Holiday Shopping Slammer!!!
xoxo
V
Fuck depressing blogs. Lauren would NOT, by any means, condone it; she'd want me wasted, dancing and living it up in her memory. I don't normally drink, but for that girl, I can make an exception. Every Friday from here on out is hereby known as Freeman Friday; if you live in Los Angeles, you are welcome to join us for stories, debauchery and friends 
On another subject, but still a sadly upsetting note, my health has unfortunately taken a turn for the worse. I have now been placed on a strict gluten-free, no soda vegan diet. I can say that I am in so much pain and it simply is not subsiding, no matter what medication I am switched to. I spent last weekend in the hospital. My weight is very unhealthy; I'm 5'11" and clocked in Monday AM at 114. Thats disgusting. I am having outpatient exploratory surgery in a few weeks to pinpoint the exact cause.
Hospital:
Remembering Lennon, 30 years later:
What I did during my bedrest:
Fathers Place:
Friends show at The Troubadour:
Makeup-less:
December 18, 4pm:
And because its the Holidays:
WISHLIST
...or if you REALLY want to rule the world, pay my Verizon bill haha.
Thanks again for all the support through this. What's everyone up to this weekend? I'll be online quite a bit as I'm still on ordered "rest". Have a good one!!!
-V
On another subject, but still a sadly upsetting note, my health has unfortunately taken a turn for the worse. I have now been placed on a strict gluten-free, no soda vegan diet. I can say that I am in so much pain and it simply is not subsiding, no matter what medication I am switched to. I spent last weekend in the hospital. My weight is very unhealthy; I'm 5'11" and clocked in Monday AM at 114. Thats disgusting. I am having outpatient exploratory surgery in a few weeks to pinpoint the exact cause.
Hospital:
Remembering Lennon, 30 years later:
What I did during my bedrest:
Fathers Place:
Friends show at The Troubadour:
Makeup-less:
December 18, 4pm:
And because its the Holidays:
WISHLIST
...or if you REALLY want to rule the world, pay my Verizon bill haha.
Thanks again for all the support through this. What's everyone up to this weekend? I'll be online quite a bit as I'm still on ordered "rest". Have a good one!!!
-V
FUCK.
I woke up sobbing, absolutely unable to breath and shaking immensely. I don't know how to handle that dream and I certainly don't know how to decipher it. All I know is since I had it 3 nights ago, I've been pretty wrecked ever since. Sleeping is NOT something I have been doing.
I woke up sobbing, absolutely unable to breath and shaking immensely. I don't know how to handle that dream and I certainly don't know how to decipher it. All I know is since I had it 3 nights ago, I've been pretty wrecked ever since. Sleeping is NOT something I have been doing.
Anywho...um, thanks everyone. I'm trying.
By Thommy Panic while I was in Chicago:
Also, "Playhouse" has a release date. December 19, 4pm:
Thats all for now. Thanks again for the support. I'm mourning privately and have become a total recluse, stepping out only last night for my good buddies show at The Troubadour. It's weird, simple things now give me anxiety. Like crossing the street or seeing a Bentley...and being anywhere near Sunset Blvd is so fucking hard.
Love you guys
-V
"Am I making you proud of me?
'Cause I know you can hear me.
You were too young, too fast for you to go
and now I don't understand why.
I can't stand to watch a mother and father cry.
I look up to you."
Watching grown, fully tattooed men cry is a difficult task.
I don't want to talk about the fact that she's gone because frankly, it doesn't seem real. I just want to talk about the memories and good times and her.
Lauren was, and still is, a beautiful light in my life. To see her go at her such at such a young age is a reality I refuse to acknowledge but it has brought all of my friends together in such an amazing way. Its nice to have another version of a "family" to be around and to know she did that is something else entirely. She held us together; now, we have to do that for ourselves.
(Thanks SeanHill)
Thanks everyone for the kind words and condolences. Myself, as well as my friends and family, are dealing with this the best way we can. This is hard.
Have a good holiday weekend.
All my love,
V
'Cause I know you can hear me.
You were too young, too fast for you to go
and now I don't understand why.
I can't stand to watch a mother and father cry.
I look up to you."
Watching grown, fully tattooed men cry is a difficult task.
I don't want to talk about the fact that she's gone because frankly, it doesn't seem real. I just want to talk about the memories and good times and her.
Lauren was, and still is, a beautiful light in my life. To see her go at her such at such a young age is a reality I refuse to acknowledge but it has brought all of my friends together in such an amazing way. Its nice to have another version of a "family" to be around and to know she did that is something else entirely. She held us together; now, we have to do that for ourselves.
(Thanks SeanHill)
Thanks everyone for the kind words and condolences. Myself, as well as my friends and family, are dealing with this the best way we can. This is hard.
Have a good holiday weekend.
All my love,
V
Fuck.
Lauren, I love you and I miss you already. This is not supposed to happen, this was NEVER supposed to happen. Not you. Never you.
To this piece of shit that hit her and ran: While I thank you for finally turning yourself in, I have to admit, I hope you rot in hell for eternity. You have successfully broken our hearts beyond repair and the music scene will never be the same.
Please, everyone, hug your family, hug your friends and be thankful for what you have. If there is one thing I will regret for all my life, its that I didn't tell Lauren how much I loved her often enough and what she meant to me as a friend.
May angels lead you in, babe. I've got a shot of Popov in one hand and a bottle of Andre in the other. I'll see again.
Forgive me for being reclusive for a bit.
All my love,
V
Lauren, I love you and I miss you already. This is not supposed to happen, this was NEVER supposed to happen. Not you. Never you.
To this piece of shit that hit her and ran: While I thank you for finally turning yourself in, I have to admit, I hope you rot in hell for eternity. You have successfully broken our hearts beyond repair and the music scene will never be the same.
Please, everyone, hug your family, hug your friends and be thankful for what you have. If there is one thing I will regret for all my life, its that I didn't tell Lauren how much I loved her often enough and what she meant to me as a friend.
May angels lead you in, babe. I've got a shot of Popov in one hand and a bottle of Andre in the other. I'll see again.
Forgive me for being reclusive for a bit.
All my love,
V
I wish I were healthy and normal and not in excruciating pain all the time.
Fighting for 8 years is taking its toll on me.
Fighting for 8 years is taking its toll on me.
Chicago, in photos:
scarekrowand his son:
In total love with Delia:
Amazing to meet the gorgeous ladies Rizzo, Darla, Rosaleigh, Salome, Delia, BelleBane and Oogie.
Thanks to scarekrow and writeboy for putting up with my shenanigans and such. Especially scarekrow. Was definitely waiting for him to punch me in the face by my 2nd day there. Sorry I'm the worst sometimes Matthew.
In other news, the downtime I had on my little outing really, really helped me out massively, I must say. I managed to write 4 additional chapters of my autobiography, another 3 of my sci-fi novel, help re-route 2 tours and edited band shots from eons ago. Here's to using vacations for catching up.
Also, I came home and promptly made these for myself. Vegan pumpkin waffles with strawberries:
Thats it for now. I have multiple procedures and doctors appointments this week, my flare ups have been getting bad and more and more painful over the past few weeks. I weighed in 2 weeks ago at 121 and this morning at 118 with a height of 5'11". Le sigh. Send good vibes towards LA, more specifically, in my direction.
xoxo
V
PS
Told ya half of of you would scratch your heads and say "wtf" to Apocalyptica. I stand by it and still adore it. Go check it out if you have not already.
scarekrowand his son:
In total love with Delia:
Amazing to meet the gorgeous ladies Rizzo, Darla, Rosaleigh, Salome, Delia, BelleBane and Oogie.
Thanks to scarekrow and writeboy for putting up with my shenanigans and such. Especially scarekrow. Was definitely waiting for him to punch me in the face by my 2nd day there. Sorry I'm the worst sometimes Matthew.
In other news, the downtime I had on my little outing really, really helped me out massively, I must say. I managed to write 4 additional chapters of my autobiography, another 3 of my sci-fi novel, help re-route 2 tours and edited band shots from eons ago. Here's to using vacations for catching up.
Also, I came home and promptly made these for myself. Vegan pumpkin waffles with strawberries:
Thats it for now. I have multiple procedures and doctors appointments this week, my flare ups have been getting bad and more and more painful over the past few weeks. I weighed in 2 weeks ago at 121 and this morning at 118 with a height of 5'11". Le sigh. Send good vibes towards LA, more specifically, in my direction.
xoxo
V
PS
Told ya half of of you would scratch your heads and say "wtf" to Apocalyptica. I stand by it and still adore it. Go check it out if you have not already.
Hello, Chicago.
Finally touched down early yesterday afternoon after a flight delay. Or 2. Thanks for the insane wind, Illinois!!
I think I've spent the majority of my morning getting to know this kid:
I'm off to explore the city and have lunch with a few old friends. Can't wait to see some of you while I'm here.
And remember, when I'm in the air flying back to LA this Sunday 10/31, this hits you:
xoxo
Finally touched down early yesterday afternoon after a flight delay. Or 2. Thanks for the insane wind, Illinois!!
I think I've spent the majority of my morning getting to know this kid:
I'm off to explore the city and have lunch with a few old friends. Can't wait to see some of you while I'm here.
And remember, when I'm in the air flying back to LA this Sunday 10/31, this hits you:
xoxo
1) In case you missed it, cut my hair. Nothing too drastic:
2) Sets up in less than 2 weeks:
3) Californian's cannot drive in the rain for SHIT. See example:
That's my sisters car after she got in a 65mph head on collision (wreck wasn't her fault). She walked away fine, just bruised and sore, thank God.
4)Lindsey Lohan ain't got nothin' on me:
5) Bucket List/Life Goals:
2) Sets up in less than 2 weeks:
3) Californian's cannot drive in the rain for SHIT. See example:
That's my sisters car after she got in a 65mph head on collision (wreck wasn't her fault). She walked away fine, just bruised and sore, thank God.
4)Lindsey Lohan ain't got nothin' on me:
5) Bucket List/Life Goals:
6)Chicago in t-minus one week. Kraven lunch one of those days!! Can't wait lady
7) The end. Night!!!
-V
